Think she should give me her holiday spending money?

[SilkyGreyCat]

In May my mum borrowed £250 off me, she was off work so only had sick pay to live off (she's single and lives alone) and needed to get her car taxed so that she could use it to drive to work. She promised me she'd pay it back by my DDs birthday at the end of June as she'd be "back on her feet" by then.

The money came from mine and DHs savings so hasn't affected us Day-to-Day as DH works in a fairly well paid job, but it did completely deplete our savings down to about £50.

At the beginning of July I asked for the money, we use the savings for "emergenies" were we need a big sum of money immediately and I wanted the money back in our account incase something happened. She said she still couldn't pay me as she wasn't back up to her full hours at work due to being off for nearly 4 months (she had an operation in February). I was annoyed but let it go and hoped nothing went wrong in our house where we'd need the money.

Today I found out she has a holiday booked for the end of August which she booked in March while she was off, she borrowed the money to book it from my dad (her soon-to-be ex husband) who she's still friends with. My dads let her get away with not paying him back (he wants them to get back together) and I think she's expecting the same from me.

She keeps saying "I have about £300 spending money so far for my holiday I can bring my DGD (my DD) a lovely present back with that".

While we're not desperate for the money I do worry that our washing machine will break or I'll get ill and DH will have to take time off work to look after DD, which is what we'd use the money for.

So AIBU to ask for £250 of that for her to pay me back when she next mentions it? Otherwise I know we'll never get it back

[FuzzyOwl]

Of course you aren't BU.

[AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered]

YANBU! Make sure you get it soon or she'll never pay you back.

[Theydontknowweknowtheyknow]

Just say you'd rather have the holiday money back than a present for DGD.

If you only have £50 left then you're not exactly swimming in money.

[TheWitTank]

Yanbu. Ask her -persistently. She is trying to get away with paying you back, no doubt about it.

[CaptainCrunch]

YANBU. Parents borrowing off DC doesn't sit right with me, she's taking the piss.

[Boysnme]

Ask for it back and then don't ever lend it again

[AyeAmarok]

YANBU at all!

She's a chancer.

[PurpleDaisies]

I agree with everyone-ask her for the money back.

If she won't give it to you all at once agree a plan for £150 now and then £50 every month.

[hownottofuckup]

Yabu, I wouldn't want someone to pay me back and be left with £50 to go on holiday with.
Why do you need the spending money specifically?
Just get her to pay you back £50 a month or something.

[CuboidalSlipshoddy]

Never lend money you cannot afford to lose. Never lend money to relatives that you will not give as a gift.

[branofthemist]

I actually think Yabu.
This holiday was booked before.

You would be leaving her with no money for her holiday. Or is £300 just for dds present?

I wouldn't expect someone to cancel their holiday. I would be telling her I needed it back ASAP and set up a weekly/monthly payment.

[MollyTwo]

I'm probably the only one but I think Yabu. She's your mum, can't imagine asking my mum back for the money. She's done so much for me, I would be glad to help. But if you really need it back then you could ask her.

[CaptainCrunch]

She used "borrowed" money to buy the holiday though bran. She clearly doesn't have a lot of respect for other people's money.

And I reiterate I think it's wrong parents borrowing off DC. Just wrong.

[VioletBam]

I'm with Molly. My Mum lives alone and I could not IMAGINE getting annoyed about this.

Unless there's a big history and she was a shit Mum.

[branofthemist]

She used "borrowed" money to buy the holiday though bran. She clearly doesn't have a lot of respect for other people's money.

Yes I am aware of that, but that's between her and her soon to be ex.

If the op knows she has form for borrowing money and not paying it back, why lend it?

I just wouldn't expect someone to give me their holiday money, to pay me back. Op asked for opinions and that's mine.

[hownottofuckup]

I thought she'd borrowed the money to pay for it from her ex?

[trafalgargal]

So Mum booked the holiday in March before she was off sick
Subsequently has had 4 months off so was very poorly
Probably could really benefit from a holiday after all that
You don't actually need the money right now and would rather your Mum cancelled her holiday just in case your washing machine might break down

Have I got that right ?

You sound a lovely daughter ,

[CaptainCrunch]

No trafalgar, she booked the holiday when she was off sick with money she borrowed off her STBEXH. She then asked the OP for money 2 months later.

The OP clearly doesn't have a lot of disposable income and the "lovely daughter" crack you made is nasty.

[HunterHearstHelmsley]

No she borrowed it in March. She has been off since February.

[Mouikey]

She had the op in Feb, but booked the holiday in March? She probably knew she couldn't afford the money - are you sure she borrowed the money for car tax? did you pay it for her or did you jut give her the cash?

I would set up a payment plan over the next 4 months and clearly explain your situation to her. If you were rolling in it I'd say forget it because its your mum!

[PersianCatLady]

How did you grow up to be such a reasonable and clear thinking person when your mother clearly doesn't have the same abilities?

I think you need to demand it back NOW!

[trafalgargal]

I still wouldn't ask her for her holiday money forcing her to cancel and lose what she paid for the holiday too. Why would you want to do that to anyone having a rough time let alone your Mum?

Why not just talk to her about paying you back in instalments ?

[EarthboundMisfit]

She's hinting for you to write it off. Explain that you MUST have it back, and give a firm date.

[trafalgargal]

If my washing machine broke down I'd be taking all my washing over to my Mums for her to do anyway which would probably focus her mind on repayment but no I wouldn't ask her to spoil/cancel her holiday in the OPs situation. I simply couldn't do that to my Mum if she was still around .....but when she was recovering from brain surgery and both she and I were struggling as I was working , nursing her and caring for my just diagnosed autistic son whilst my marriage was imploding under the stress I helped her out with money to clear her credit cards and do a much needed floor replacement when I had a small windfall. So no I don't understand the OP at all. She doesn't need the money right now, hasn't made any effort to add anything to her emergency fund herself in recent months but wants to wreck her Mum's holiday after what sounds like a really rough few months. It's not how family behave in my world.