About MIL trying to take 2 year old to stillborn's grave? *triggers*

RebeccaDaisyFields · 2016-07-24 14:19:16

I'm honestly not sure here. PIL sadly had a stillborn DD 30 years ago, DH was born after they lost their DD. Every since then DH and his two brothers were brought up to the cemetery on their sister's anniversary to visit her. Now as adults DH's brothers post status' on Facebook about "The best sister in the world." On her anniversary and the oldest has a tattoo of her death date. DH and I have our 2 year old DD and now our two week old DS. From the start MIL (in my eyes) treated DD like the daughter she never had. She suggested we should name DD after her DD and after we refused she out right demanded it, saying if we loved her we would do if. She became incredibly possessive (would snatch DD away from me, refuse to give her back, wanted sleep overs at 1 week old, has tried on numerous occasions to get DD to call her 'mama') and cried when I told her I was BF DD as that would mean "she couldn't have her baby over night." Things came to a boiling point today which is MIL's DD's anniversary. MIL had said to me she thinks it's time for DD to "meet her aunt" and get to know her. To note I had to have an emergency c section and wasn't in any state to travel two and a half hours to the cemetery with a toddler and a newborn. This is important as DD has been incredibly clingy to me after DS was born and doesn't want to go anywhere without me. I suspect she feels pushed out now that DS is here and because of how much attention a newborn requires. I explained this to MIL so she decided to ask DD if she'd like to go without me, she asked DD if she'd like to go visit her aunt and have alone time with her, DD said no. MIL then looked to me and said "Rebecca, could you get her to go." I said no as DD had already said no. Basically we argued back and forth until I told MIL I wouldn't argue this point in front of my children and the answer was no but we could talk later this got MIL more and more upset. She started crying and turned to DD and called her by her own DD's name and outright told her she was coming. DD was fine until this point and started crying after MIL attempted to take her hand to bring her outside to the car. At that point I saw red and marched over (as best I could with DS in a sling) and picked DD up. The glare MIL gave me could have killed. I told her to leave right now. She called me a disgrace of a mother and eventually left. To clarify DH had left half an hour earlier with his father and they were planning to meet MIL and DH's brothers at the grave. I'm in shock. I'm shaking. I of course don't understand what it's like to lose a child (and hope I never have to!) but I feel MIL has taken things too far with DD. Am I an insensitive disgrace? Should I have tried to get DD to go? I'm still so hormonal and exhausted I can't tell and I don't know what to do. I've tried to call DH but his phone is off. I'm assuming MIL has went and given her side of what's happened.

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