AIBU extra guests at party?

[Mummabearof2]

Long time lurker of posts now needing some perspective!

I am hosting a surprise party soon with both friends and family invited. I have invited 1 family, mainly out of duty, and did not expect them to come. The party is some distance from their home and they rarely see us. I have been told through another family member that the family are coming and are bringing their sister's family too. The sister is not family nor friend and I have only met a couple of times in passing.

I fully expect my judgement may be clouded as we don't get on particularly well with the invited family anyway, but inviting them was the right thing to do and I always wonder whether each meet up is going to be the one where we all get along.

I have been told that the family and the extra guests will probably stay apart anyway. That makes me feel a bit used and that they aren't coming to celebrate the occasion but to have their own jolly at my expense. The extra guests live nearish to the party venue and as the family rarely see them (probably on par with how often we see the invited family), that is the reason they have been given an extended invite. None of them have actually spoken to me directly.

So, AIBU to feel cheesed off at the extra guests?! Or do I just need to be a bit more hospitable?

[honeyroar]

Now come on, you invited them, you're clearly not keen on them, so it's rather a good thing that they're bringing someone else to talk to! But yes they should have rsvp'd (although probably didn't because they'd have had to admit they were bringing someone else). Unless you parties are very formal it shouldn't be too much of an issue? Enjoy it with the people you really want to talk to.

[HoratioNightboy]

i think you need to consider whether the person the surprise party is for would be glad to see them.

But it's a bit of a cheek for the other family to invite them along without first checking with you on whether it was acceptable, or inconvenient in any way. So YANBU to be cheesed off at that.

[FreedomIsInPeril]

I'd tell them not to come. You didn't invite the sisters family, they are not guests. Cheeky buggers.

[Foffyouwanker]

Honestly I would be texting or emailing them, something like, I heard something funny the other day, sisters family are apparently going to gatecrashing our party. I hope you told them it's not appropriate, we clearly haven't invited them as I barely know them!

[dibs1973]

Could you not request them to confirm how many are attending? A text along the lines of ' Just finalising numbers for the bash, i've counted 4 of you is that right? Could you confirm as the caterer is asking for final numbers' x

[Woodhill]

Not on for them to invite extra people, very rude imo

[Mummabearof2]

Thanks all. I do wonder if as they will have their own friends there to talk to the risk of issues may reduced (there is a history of it at previous occasions). The birthday boy certainly won't want the extra guests there, I doubt he even knows their names . I'll have a think about whether to say something and risk seeming unfriendly or let it be and quietly stew!

[gamerchick]

IME you can never have too many for a party. It's more stressful when few people turn up. Don't give it any more headspace imo

[Tworingsandamicrowave]

Dibs's suggestion is good; friendly text asking them to confirm numbers will at least let you know if you have anything to worry about.

[PlotterOfPlots]

Rude to invite extra people without checking with you, of course.

I wonder if they feel they don't gel with you either but felt obliged to accept (people outside MN sometimes still feel these obligations :D) and invited people they'd get on better with? Or asked to stay with them and an assumption was made somewherevalong the line. Not that that makes it ok, but there might bevacmore sympathetic reason than freeloading on your hospitality. Also it might mean the party goes better if they have some likeminded company there.

[WeAllHaveWings]

Can you send them a reminder asking them to RSVP and to let you know how many of those invited are coming as you need to know numbers for the venue because space is tight.

[bloodyteenagers]

I don't don't understand the problem. Pick up the phone and say, hi I think the rsvp may have got lost. Are you coming. It's the 4 of you right? Oh it's 8, I didnt know you have more dc's? Oh they are your sister. Sorry but the invite was for your household not your entire family.

[APlaceOnTheCouch]

yy they are being a bit rude but you can turn in into an issue or be incredibly gracious, include them in your numbers and be glad that you won't have to entertain them because they'll talk to the people they are bringing.With the stress of organising a party, I'd opt for the latter rather than the former. (plus the person reporting back to you may be deliberately trying to cause trouble)

[NellyMelly]

Call them to clarify that the invite is for them only. Be up front and say that you've heard that they are bringing their family/friends with them but that the invite is just for them. If they cannot respect that then they are not your friends at all

[LauderSyme]

I think you should decide to be hospitable about it and not quietly stew.
It is very rude of them not to speak to you directly, and I can see why you'd feel used.
But it also sounds like they are bringing 'reinforcements', which might not be such a bad idea if you don't really get on, and there's a history of tension. Maybe it will be defused if they socialise with each other?
Decide to be a gracious hostess, throw a good party and enjoy it!

[marblestatue]

I would phone them to "check numbers" and if they mention the other family say you didn't invite them.

[constantlycuntinglyconfused]

I also think the more the merrier unless it's at your house. for example if it's a surprise 40th at the local bowling club with buffet, then I don't really think it will be a big deal. The more people there the better atmosphere.

[Viviennemary]

Most of us have invited people we'd rather not invite. But you are right in that they are cheeky to have asked the extra people. Not sure what to do about this. I think I would right and say you'd rather not have the extra guests as you are inviting a few extra people yourself.

[Onesieisthequeensselfie]

YANBU to be put out that a whole family you haven't invited is turning up.

[thisisafakename]

But you've only heard this second-hand. How do you know they are actually planning to do this? You need to speak to them directly.

[Farmmummy]

I second (well third) dibs suggestion although I would be fairly direct about it

[Mummabearof2]

Thanks all. They are definitely bringing the sister and family, their RSVP via the third party was for 8 which is the two families.

Rather than react (they would love for me to get snotty!) I have decided to be a gracious host and concentrate on making the party the best possible for my DH. They will look odd if they do just stay seperate and there will be enough of our other family and friends for us to enjoy if they do.

I have replied to say I will now have to order more food and crockery etc (true) and that I would have preferred more notice (party is this week so a late RSVP even from the invited family). Thank you for all your comments.

[Onesieisthequeensselfie]

Good for you OP

[NellyMelly]

I hope that they thank you and bring you a gift to show their appreciation.