I really dislike listening to next doors parenting!

(63 Posts)
DingBatDay Fri 22-Jul-16 19:36:35

Next door have a lovely DS same age as my oldest (5yrs). I have 2ds (5 & 3). Both mine are wonderful boys but my goodness do they try my patience. They are very energetic, very boisterous and very full on. I listen to next door talking to their ds and its is constantly wonderful, encouraging, supportive, praise, etc. they can both him him full attention and he thrives on it - he really is a lovely lad. I listen to me and I sound like a screaming banshee. I try so hard to be positive, encouraging, divert around conflict, etc but sometimes they just need the firm boundaries and sometimes that needs to be through my voice. I just think they must think I am awful. This evening we were all playing football in the garden, inevitably DS1 gets over excited kicks it too hard at DS2, Ds2 is a stroppy little lad at the best of times and marches up and punches DS1. DS1 retaliates and this all happens in the 2 seconds I turn around to collet ball. I tried talking it through with them i.e. what happened, how do we make it better - both refused to apologise and so I sent them in to calm down before we resumed playing. all the time I could this idealistic conversation next door as dad and son played football and mum cheered from the side. I am not at all criticising my neighbours, they are a lovely family and I admire their parenting - I just don't know how to maintain that sense of calm with my boys - they'll play wonderfully 90% of the time but there will inevitably be a fight and it is impossible to know when or what! Makes me constantly reflect on myself and find my parenting wanting!

Stevie77 Fri 22-Jul-16 19:39:47

Don't be so hard on yourself!

One kid is a doddle, two is hard bloody work and they would probably not be so perfect if they had other kids.

Dutchcourage Fri 22-Jul-16 19:40:11

They only have one kid! ! That makes a huge difference.

Don't be too hard on yourself. If I can feel myself turning in to shouty mum I try and think of other ways to deal with shit. Tbh your family found utterly normal !

Failing that I drink wine

DingBatDay Fri 22-Jul-16 19:40:34

they do have another on the way so I do sometimes think just wait!!

gruffaloshmuffalo Fri 22-Jul-16 19:41:14

I came on to say that one kid is easier than two

GoblinLittleOwl Fri 22-Jul-16 19:41:37

Simple.
They are 2 to 1; you are 1 to 2.
Sweet reasonableness all the time is unrealistic.

SloppyDailyMailJournalism Fri 22-Jul-16 19:42:35

Haha - they have one child grin

Boundaries are good - vvital.

Dutchcourage Fri 22-Jul-16 19:42:50

ding don't worry their lives will turn to shit soon wink grin

GiddyOnZackHunt Fri 22-Jul-16 19:45:03

Oh yes we were bloody marvellous calm reasonable parents with one dc.
Am no longer marvellous, calm or reasonable. I am a shouty, frazzled, failing referee.

Mycatsabastard Fri 22-Jul-16 19:45:28

Yeah, give it a couple of years. When their two year old is causing havoc and the 7 year old is getting fed up with his toys being touched/broken/whatever, you'll be able to sit back and know that you aren't alone.

Two kids is way harder than one.

Eeeek686 Fri 22-Jul-16 19:46:21

YABTHOY grin

I was Super Mum to DD till DS arrived... Now I too am Guilt Ridden Banshee Mum! blush

I tell myself they are being just as well brought up together, and as long as I try my best and offset the occasional hair pulling and screeching with lots of love, support and encouragement all will be well.

<Reaches for wine> wine

Dairybanrion Fri 22-Jul-16 19:46:38

Good for the neighbours. Child sounds v well loved.
Don't put yourself against them.
All kids need is love.
We all go tits up and lose the cool and roar, I know I do. It's stressful rearing children. You're doing your best. You love them. That's the fundamentals covered there imo.

mrsvilliers Fri 22-Jul-16 19:50:07

OP I completely sympathise, my situation is a bit different as the house we've moved has neighbours with older teenagers on both sides. When my two (5 and 2) are out in the garden all I can hear is them fighting followed by me shrieking. I keep worrying we'll all get given an ASBO blush

As others have pointed out having two is so different to having one, I'm so happy we have two but anytime I am alone with the eldest I can see just how easier it would have been just sticking with one. thank god my age is keeping me from trying for a third Keep on fighting the good fight wine

zzzzz Fri 22-Jul-16 19:50:08

If shouting doesn't work and makes you feel bad, don't do it.

Comparing yourself 1:2 to someone 2:1 as said up thread is a fools game.

Do your best, that is enough.

brew

BellMcEnd Fri 22-Jul-16 19:50:40

Come and live next door to me. Believe me, you'll sound like Perfect Mum. I, however am screaming Banshee Mum. We can compare notes over winewine.

Please don't be hard on yourself. Parenting is Hard Work. I know it sounds odd but the chances are, if you're criticising yourself, you're doing a good job.

blueturtle6 Fri 22-Jul-16 19:50:53

Some kids are just more full on. My dd is full on but wouldn't have it any other way.

mrsvilliers Fri 22-Jul-16 19:51:17

Also my two play wonderfully about 20% of the time!!

ParadiseCity Fri 22-Jul-16 19:53:37

My neighbour with one came round today and said 'ooh are they not getting on' and tittered. About my two. Erm, actually they are just being normal!

Sibling conflict is honing their life skills doncha know.

girlsyearapart Fri 22-Jul-16 19:55:15

You could be me! I have 4 and neighbours have 2. They have an au pair and my dh works funny hours so we seldom parent them together so it's 4:1 here..
They are so lovely and I hear them being all enthusiastic and encouraging.
I really wish they could hear the 2 hours of loveliness at bedtime that turns into the screaming witch they do hear through the walls ! hmm

Mner Fri 22-Jul-16 20:14:13

It totally depends on the kids. We have one DS (4y) and he is exactly like what you describe. He might not have a sibling but he can find plenty of other things to test our boundaries on (the dog, the cat, us...). He is highly skilled in the art of finding the inner banshee. He told me yesterday that whilst he does listen to his teacher, he certainly wasn't going to listen to me!

You might find when they have the second child, their parenting style changes and they become more 'normal' on the other hand, it might not.

Hereforthebeer Fri 22-Jul-16 20:14:44

Different ages, different stages. I really wouldn't worry.

I was much more shouty when mine were 3, than 5 (when you can reason with them - to a degree). But they go through phases of being good.

I'm sure they are really grateful that the little one has 2 other children to play with...

Juanbablo Fri 22-Jul-16 20:23:57

Don't feel bad. As others have pointed out, the kid has no one to fight with! Of course it's mostly serene and lovely playing. Occasionally I will take one child out and they are angelic. Put all 3 together and it's like Lord of the fucking Flies.

Pliudev Fri 22-Jul-16 20:24:49

I remember feeling totally inadequate after babysitting a family who had home made biscuits, mobiles out of bottle tops, the whole after school creative activity thing going on in buckets. I thought they must be having the perfect childhood and my parenting skills were sadly lacking. Well they all grew up and guess whose kids turned out completely messed up? I get no satisfaction out of saying that but my point is, do your best and ignore what other parents seem to be excelling at. It isn't always an accurate picture and even if it is, you probably do just as well in your own way.

Aeroflotgirl Fri 22-Jul-16 20:30:40

They have 1, it is much easier than 2. Wait until baby is 3/4 and you will probably heAr wailing banshee sounds from next door😃

kazoops Fri 22-Jul-16 20:45:21

I have to say this thread has made me feel better! Mine are also 5 and 3 and the constant fighting and winding each other up just drives me demented! Although they can be the best of friends too.

Now they're a bit bigger I sometimes just let them get on with it, physical fighting and all blush

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