Other parents & school uniform

[LaPampa]

My eldest child starts reception in September & the school has a uniform of sorts. We have been told they must wear a top with the school logo on (choice of 4 I think tops/t shirts/jumpers) and dark bottoms. Summer term a checked dress is ok in the relevant colour.

My child will know another child from pre-school in her class and I spoke to that child's parent about uniform. The response from that parent was that her child wasn't much bothered by rules, only wore dresses and therefore would only be wearing a checked dress.

Obviously she is free to do what she wants, but this creates (I think) issues for mine - my child is quite forthright over what she wants to wear but I've spent some time and effort explaining uniform, involving her, and she is now excited about the new options (we've got some skirts and some pinafores to go with a polo shirt with logo). Given the current way the other child & mine influence each other at pre-school I don't think my child will be pleased the other child isn't following the same rules.

I should probably just not worry / but, there is another child who is also friends with the other child outside pre-school (I.e doesn't know my child) and that mum is also apparently planning to not bother with the requested uniform and instead just do summer dresses all year.

I should just let the school figure it out, shouldn't I.

[LaPampa]

I guess my AIBU is - should I be pissed off the other parent(s) can't be bothered to argue with their kids about uniform or just let them get on with it.

[AndNowItsSeven]

Unifirm isn't a legal requirement in state primaries. I don't know why you care what other people's kids are going to be wearing.

[kimlo]

They will he cold in a summer dress in winter so I wouldnt think that it will last.

Just stick to the rules and tell dd why she has too.

[AndNowItsSeven]

Yes Yabu and ridiculous.

[Idliketobeabutterfly]

If there are no SN issues I'd wear the uniform that the school requested. I'd tell her it isn't negotiable and that sometimes there are rules she must follow.

[LaPampa]

I don't care what other kids will be wearing just that I predict (possibly wrongly) it will cause my child to also want to flout the uniform requirements too, putting her and me in a difficult position.

[Idliketobeabutterfly]

Just tell you four year old NO.

[MajesticSeaFlapFlap]

Dd: can I wear such and such

You: no

End of story, no difficult position

[ChocolateButton15]

It won't last because her child will want a nice pinafore like all her friends and they will be cold in winter. It's probably more that the mum doesn't want to fork out for school uniform.
When my child of same age complains about things other children do that don't affect her I just say "I don't want to hear tittle tattling" even if she does wear a checked dress all year it doesn't affect your daughter.

[BorpBorpBorp]

If the uniform is an actual uniform requirement, surely it will be picked up by the school and both children will be told off (or whatever) for not wearing the uniform, and if the uniform 'requirement' isn't actually a requirement but a suggestion, can't you explain to your child that it's a recommendation and some people choose not to follow it, and that's up to them?

[LaPampa]

Majestic true. I just don't know why the other parents can't do that too.

[LaPampa]

Thanks all. I shall stop being pissed off about it :)

[Birdsgottafly]

It's important that you get the message across to your DD that she ignores the 'rule breakers' in school and focuses on why she is there and on what good behaviour is.

The sad thing is that these are the Parents that can't cope during the Teen years and the kids are left high and dry, not knowing how to conform/appropriate behaviour, until they've missed out on loads of opportunities.

[Idliketobeabutterfly]

Tbh if you start with 'what are other parents doing' now you'll be having an odd time through school. Most will do as they are told though and her little friend may be the odd one out.

[SteggySawUs]

Lots of kids go back in summer dresses in September as the weather is very mild, so it's fine to start in those, she'll soon see others in winter uniform and I doubt you'll have much difficulty getting her to wear it. Even my most opinionated (about clothes) child has barely questioned the uniform since everyone's in it.

[LaPampa]

I think that's the problem - the uniform is a requirement but there is so much variation too so it's also hard to enforce I guess. I'm just a little stressed about the whole thing I guess.

[LaPampa]

Thanks Steggy

[Ilovewillow]

I would be explaining that "it's important that you follow the rules and don't worry about others". You will probably find that if it's a uniform school will specify what can and can't be worn and when pretty quickly. Our school informs you when you can wear the summer uniform ie. After Easter and up to October half term, at all other times they wear the winter uniform.

[Idliketobeabutterfly]

Don't worry. Tbh it will be a huge non issue in the grand scheme of things.
Once there for a while you'll have other issues.

[Thingvellir]

I agree with Butterfly

Make a decision now that you are going to be a parent that sticks to the rules, supports the teachers and expects their children to do the same, and then stand by it. It will make things much easier later than starting an approach of applying some rules and not others. Other mum is setting herself up for trouble.

[TheWernethWife]

WTAF - why are you listening to your child's opinions on what she wants to wear, she is just that, a child. Send her to school in clothes of your choice. You are the grown up in this matter. I've brought up four children and would not let a child dictate to me. Totally gobsmacked.

[LaPampa]

TheWernethWife I listen to my children's opinions because they are individual people and I think their opinions are valid (but I bear in mind that they don't have as much life experience as me to inform those opinions). My daughter likes to wear dresses and within the boundaries of price and other considerations such as appropriateness to activity I try and facilitate that because I think it's important to encourage independence.

I also think she should be following the uniform rules so I've worked hard to position the change to my daughter is excited and positive about it. My question about AIBU was in relation to being concerned my daughter would be confused others didn't follow same rules and would therefore want me to be equally dismissive of the rules. I won't be. But if everyone just followed the same guidelines it would be easier all round.

[JudyCoolibar]

I think it's great and extremely sensible if the school allows a number of variations on the uniform. I suspect they won't really care about the dress wearers either so long as it's the uniform dress they're wearing.

[lalalalyra]

If the influence of the other children is likely to bother your daughter then you need to start practising your "I don't care what X's Mum lets X do, I am your Mum and I'm telling you that you need to follow the rules/be home by 8pm/not do the dangerous thing other people are allowed to do and that's just the way it is" speech and face. I spend half my life using that phrase.