DS is 22 months, MIL has always had a strained relationship with DH (he had a terrible childhood) and they are distant. MIL has always been controlling (demanding he does and , laying on immense guilt, telling him she was ashamed of him for sending a relative a card one day late/sending a card from funkypigeon and not one bought in a shop/buying his grandmother posh chocolates for christmas as this wasn't a suitable gift, etc etc etc) prior to us having DS so I guess I expected some of this behaviour was to come.
Ever since DS was born MIL was pushing to have him on her own (as early as 2 months old - "well you have to leave him some time!!") but DS has always been nervous of her. She tends to be very pushy and forceful, always shunting him onto the next activity when he might want to just be left alone to play with the toy he currently has, "come on DS, let's do this now!" and basically pulling him about - no asking or encouraging, just picking him up and moving him along. She also seems to demand/expect him to give her kisses, affection, love her etc and is very dramatic ("he doesn't like me!") when he won't.
In the past 6 months or so I've started letting MIL (and her partner of 3 years who she insists we make DS call 'granddad') have him on her own at her house for a few hours. The problem is he NEVER wants to go and whenever he sees her (or her partner) he runs away screaming and tries to hide. It's to the point where I have to pretend I'm going in the car to their house too so that he'll let me put him in the car seat. MIL is obviously very upset about this but tries to reassure me constantly that as soon as they get there he's absolutely fine, never cries, etc. When I pick him up he has very visible tear stains on his face but I'm told he hasn't cried at all. He also cries with relief when he sees me and runs to me and won't leave my side until we go.
This alone is bad enough but now she's pushing us to let her partner have him on his own. No offence, but although we have fallen into this trap of calling him 'granddad' to DS ((part of my hesitance is because MIL has a long track record of getting bored in relationships and has had many, many partners)) I don't really regard him as anyone other than MIL's partner and I feel uncomfortable with him watching my son on his own. I don't really know him that well and.. What's the point? I agreed to let MIL's partner pick him up yesterday because he had his twin DSes (8 years old) with him and DS does like playing with them (MIL was at work but did come back, it worked out to about 2 hours DS was on his own with MIL's partner and his 2 DSes), but I'm worried because I've agreed to that that MIL will insist her partner has DS all the time from now on.
Sorry, this is all a bit rambly isn't it. Basically, I am at a point where I don't really want to do this anymore. The "handover" is always really shitty for me and I feel guilty for making DS stay with them when he clearly doesn't want to. But they make me feel like it's completely normal for DS to act this way and it's perfectly right he should stay with them, how else are they going to bond and form a relationship with DS blah blah blah (coming and spending time with him at our house when I'm there is not good enough apparently). Should I continue forcing DS to go to their house and if so, should I relent and agree that MIL's partner should be allowed to have DS on his own?
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Regarding MIL having DS
89 replies
KiwiLaura · 22/07/2016 09:54
OP posts:
Noctilucent ·
22/07/2016 09:57
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