Vegan. Aibu to refuse to make separate meals for her?

(195 Posts)
Busybusybust Thu 21-Jul-16 21:09:04

This is my son's gf. She's lovely, if a little intense, she has been veggie as long as I have known her (3/4 years). Don't have a problem with veggie (was brought up as one myself), but last year she became vegan, and is evangelical about it! I am a really good cook (sorry to brag, but it's relevant), and she expects me to cook a separate meal for her every meal. (Talking cooking for six over 6 days at Chrisrmas, two meals per day - so that's 12 separate meals!).

I cook everything from scratch, it's the way I am, but I find this extra stuff just too much, plus I not like cooking food which I find not to my taste. (Cashew nut macaroni cheese anyone!)

I'm 65, and have had two hip replacements, so find standing for long periods difficult. It does seem to me to be inhospitable to me not to make meals guests will enjoy, but I find it exhausting.

Why I am asking this now is that my brother is coming to stay, so I asked eldest to come up and see him, and unbeknownst to me he is on leave and gf will be staying, so she is coming too. It will be lovely to see her............... Except for the bloody food!

So AIBU to ask her to bring her own food?

MollyTwo Thu 21-Jul-16 21:11:07

Yanbu, provide the odd meal here and there but to cater every single meal, no don't do it. She can sort herself out with all her new fad.

milpool Thu 21-Jul-16 21:11:23

Yes. YABU.

If she's a guest in your home, it's the hospitable thing to do to feed her.

Or you could just make the same thing for everyone. Vegan food isn't hard.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Thu 21-Jul-16 21:12:00

NBU. She can bring her own food and cook it!

lastqueenofscotland Thu 21-Jul-16 21:12:01

Hmm if she is a guest... Could you all have a vegan meal one night then ask her to bring food for the others

milpool Thu 21-Jul-16 21:12:19

You really don't have to make things like cashew nut macaroni cheese. I was vegan for nearly 5 years and never once made that. Just chuck her a couple of Linda McCartney sausages if you really can't be arsed.

lastqueenofscotland Thu 21-Jul-16 21:12:57

And not all vegan food is cashew Mac and cheese; lots of Indian/Thai/Chinese food is

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp Thu 21-Jul-16 21:14:11

MMm I really like the sound of cashew nut Mac cheese!

sooperdooper Thu 21-Jul-16 21:14:30

How is Cashew nut macaroni cheese vegan anyway?

misses point

HermioneWeasley Thu 21-Jul-16 21:16:04

YANBU, particularly given your health conditions.

vegans are bloody annoying

GooseFriend Thu 21-Jul-16 21:16:36

I get your cooking is a source of pride but you are making a rod for your back. Lavish your usual attention on what you want to cook and do her salads and jacket potatoes and porridge w vegan milk.

milpool Thu 21-Jul-16 21:16:36

sooper it's fake cheese made from cashew nuts

VodkaValiumLattePlease Thu 21-Jul-16 21:16:47

MollyTwo I wouldn't say something that's been going on atleast 7 months is a fad? Especially if she's been a veggie for years 🙄

OP yes YABU she's clearly a 'steady' girlfriend for your son why would you want to make her feel basically unwelcome in your home?

Arfarfanarf Thu 21-Jul-16 21:17:17

she's your son's girlfriend, can't you just say to him look, you are both very welcome, I am looking forward to seeing you but as you know, I am 65 years old, with two hip replacements and it is hard for me to do all this hosting. You're going to need to help out here, I will need help with the cooking. Either help me out or bring some grub because it is just too much for me.

It really isn't a lot to ask. Ask for help.

Really, they ought to be thinking of you and you shouldn't have to ask, but people don't always behave how we hope they will and we need to ask for what we want.

wizzywig Thu 21-Jul-16 21:17:22

Get her partner to cook for her

paxillin Thu 21-Jul-16 21:18:14

She can cook some of the meals.

papermoon55 Thu 21-Jul-16 21:18:50

Vegan food isn't difficult, and if you are cooking from scratch I don't see why it would be an issue. But I imagine it would very much depend on the type of food you usually cook for yourself. I eat relatively clean, have coeliac disease so have to exclude loads of stuff anyway, and eat vegan most of the time too. It wasn't such a massive transition. But I accept that not everyone would get as excited about stuffed mushrooms, massive salads, rice and lentils and quinoa as I do.. grin

MrsKoala Thu 21-Jul-16 21:20:20

Why do you do completely separate meals for her? Would it not just be easier to do a roast and then she can have all the bits other than the meat (and you can buy a nut roast or something) or do a curry and have one meat dish and one beg dish and then she can have the rice, bread and veg? Tapas? a Mezze? (my exes family all had various intolerances and i found this approach easier than doing many different dinners.

gamerchick Thu 21-Jul-16 21:20:41

Yeah her son can cook for her or you tell her the kitchen is in there and to help herself.

NerrSnerr Thu 21-Jul-16 21:20:42

As pp said, just stick her in some vegan sausages or pasta and tomato sauce or something.

sonlypuppyfat Thu 21-Jul-16 21:20:49

You're hardly making her unwelcome but you're not running a restaurant with different meals to prepare. Buy some ready meals and put some nice garnish on them

maddening Thu 21-Jul-16 21:20:52

Your son should cook for her

MadameCholetsDirtySecret Thu 21-Jul-16 21:21:20

I'm a vegan and would never expect a separate meal to be made for me. I'm happy with the veg. She sounds a pain in the arse.
Did I say I was a vegan wink

Stillunexpected Thu 21-Jul-16 21:21:25

Just chuck her a couple of Linda McCartney sausages if you really can't be arsed. - she can't really feed her vegan sausages twice a day for 6 days over Christmas though, can she? And I don't think it's a question of the OP not being "arsed" anyway. She already said she is a good cook, enjoys cooking for everyone and is trying to include the girlfriend in that.

Why are you doing all the cooking though OP? Over 6 days, I would definitely be expecting other grown-ups to be taking turns. Time to take off your apron!

NerrSnerr Thu 21-Jul-16 21:21:50

But I do find it odd you're cooking all meals. Doesn't your son ever cook for himself?

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