Nephew never comes to family events

(41 Posts)

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amandaxalice Thu 21-Jul-16 19:38:04

Ok so to cut a long story short (ish) my nephew is 5 years old. We have a lot of family events, such as meals out, lots of birthdays, days out etc. And apparently according to my sister when she tells her son we going blah blah blah he bursts out crying not wanting to go and then my sister decides to make other arrangements for him which is usually staying home with his dad rather than enjoying a supposedly fun day out. He may or may not have autism but if he does, we've been told it would be extremely mild! Aibu to be a bit upset that my nephew is never at family events, when he's only 5. Should he really make that decision? We he does come once in a blue moon he seems very happy to be there. Please someone tell me I'm overreacting and should get over it?

quicklydecides Thu 21-Jul-16 19:41:11

You are over reacting.
Who cares if you get over it, you are so unreasonable that you aren't worth consideration in this scenario.
Call round and pay him a scheduled visit if you miss him that much.
Apart from that, beak out.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe Thu 21-Jul-16 19:42:08

You are over reacting and should get over it.

My dd can't handle crowds or doing anything out of the ordinary, sometimes she can't even handle doing things within our normal routine if she decides she doesn't want to. I'd rather minimise the stress on her for non essential things.

Leave it to your sister to decide what's best.

Buggers Thu 21-Jul-16 19:42:40

His not a toy for everyone to stare and play with. If he wants to stay at home he can stay at home.

Samcro Thu 21-Jul-16 19:42:56

I dont get your problem
His parents are dealing with his sn
Support them

ThroughThickAndThin01 Thu 21-Jul-16 19:44:30

I can understand you wanting to see him and including him in family events.

Do you go to his house to visit?

TanteJeanne Thu 21-Jul-16 19:45:14

Is he trying to avoid anyone in particular?

Mouikey Thu 21-Jul-16 19:45:54

Are you sure her husband isn't using it as an excuse to get out of visiting?

MatildaTheCat Thu 21-Jul-16 19:47:36

Surely his parents are best placed to decide? hmm

itsmine Thu 21-Jul-16 19:48:50

Have some empathy. He clearly just doesn't like being with a lot of people at once.

Go and visit on your own, spend time with him 1 to 1.

Can't abide families who have regular do's and think everyone should attend because they enjoy it.

zzzzz Thu 21-Jul-16 19:49:03

He isn't making the decision your sister is. She is his mother and knows what to prioritise for him.

For me I would be saving most of his resilience for school.

EsmeraldaEllaBella Thu 21-Jul-16 19:54:15

Yabvu. His happiness comes first

honkinghaddock Thu 21-Jul-16 19:56:15

Ds doesn't often go to family events because we know they will distress him. Your idea of a fun day may not be what he thinks is fun.

Imaginosity Thu 21-Jul-16 20:01:11

I agree with this His not a toy for everyone to stare and play with.

harderandharder2breathe Thu 21-Jul-16 20:02:37

He's 5! Yabu to expect his parents to drag him to everything just so you can all fuss over him

Notso Thu 21-Jul-16 20:07:32

If you want to see him why not ask your sister or nephew what he would enjoy doing?

Or

Are you sure her husband isn't using it as an excuse to get out of visiting?

This. I have used DC to get out of loads of some occasions with in laws.

RebelRogue Thu 21-Jul-16 20:11:44

" darling,no means no,you have bodily autonomy,you should speak up when something/someone makes you upset etc....except when it comes to aunty amanda because she's just so special"

I hated family meet ups from a very young age and disliked most children and adults in my family. I was made to go though and grin and wave(like a fucking circus monkey),until i became a teenager and finally got some control over who i see and when.

TopazRocks Thu 21-Jul-16 20:18:05

None of us knows the child. How could we possibly say .... it could b somethign or nothing.

Wolpertinger Thu 21-Jul-16 20:18:43

Well does he have autism or not? If he does, he has it. Each person's autism is individual to them, it's not 'mild' or 'strong' like a brand of mustard. Your sister is dealing with it as best she can.

If he doesn't have it, then perhaps your sister feels differently about the role of children at big family getogethers than you. It's allowed.

Arfarfanarf Thu 21-Jul-16 20:19:22

yeah, people think of autism as a line

mild.........................................................................................severe

it's really not.

I like this

themighty.com/2016/05/rebecca-burgess-comic-redesigns-the-autism-spectrum/

LoreleiGilmoreIsMyBFF Thu 21-Jul-16 20:24:00

My son (4.5) has ASD and big days out can be a bit stressful because I'm never sure how he will take to a new environment/lots of stimulation/crowds etc. I make an effort to encourage him to at least try new experiences, but trust me, as a parent, it can sometimes feel very daunting! If he is happy to spend time at your place, or with you when you visit him, then I would just focus on that for the time being, and enjoy the time you spend together, rather than pushing to do more 'exciting' things together. I'd also be wary of terms like 'mildly' autistic. I know you mean well, but lots have children with ASD can seem quite capable in some areas but struggle in others. Our paediatrician told us it is almost impossible to place children at this age on some sort of 'scale' regarding ASD, as it is only once they have been in school for a few years, that their real strengths and difficulties begin to emerge. But do keep up contact!

BertPuttocks Thu 21-Jul-16 20:24:25

Not everyone enjoys family events. One person's idea of a "fun day out" can be another person's idea of torture.

I would probably want to stay home too.

MrsDeVere Thu 21-Jul-16 20:25:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LoreleiGilmoreIsMyBFF Thu 21-Jul-16 20:26:57

Arfarfanarf. Thank you for the link - exactly that!

Nataleejah Thu 21-Jul-16 20:27:55

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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