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AIBU?

Feeling down about this holiday

30 replies

Jenpenwen1 · 21/07/2016 18:52

I have a bit of a dilemma in that a holiday abroad in a few weeks I am dreading. Dreading because I am going with DH and his family and there is just an awful atmosphere. I never wanted to go because of this but 12 months ago when it was booked things were not quite as awkward, never really an amazing bond between us, but now things are just really shit. DH dad won a few grand and wanted to go on holiday (first grandchild my son) was a big part of that. I told DH I didn't want to go and he said 'come on it'll be the last one and it's free, if you don't want to go then you can explain to my whole family why'. Completely and utterly didn't give a shit if I didn't want to go. Now we're going.

There has been an endless list of things that mil has done since DS was born which have created the atmosphere we have today. But over the years, even before he was born I've always remained a quiet, timid, twat. Never reacted or spoke up when some honestly awful things were said to me in the past by SIL and when MIL and SlL have made me feel awkward on holidays before because they don't engage with me too much unless they are drunk. I find when they are sober (mainly SIL) she wont talk to me too much etc. She has always been an odd ball, can't maintain eye contact and sometimes doesn't make it at all etc. She's a very loud and outgoing person, doesn't give a shit about others opinions sort of bird so I know she just has it in for me and I know she's always seen me as weak, which is what bullies love and in my eyes she displays the traits of a bully.

Anyway dince DS was born there have been things mil has done which have crossed a line, and where I have snapped, the first time they have ever seen me do so. There's been a few times where I've bit back and stood my ground as I don't want to get pushed around anymore, I'm a 30 year old woman ffs, not a teenager. Well SIL is extremely protective of her mum, they are like tweedle dumb and tweedle dee, and as a result she has gone really weird with me.

About 5 weeks back we went to stay with SIL, it was mainly a visit for her to see my DS, her nephew. Well I never felt so awkward in My entire life. She slated the way I talk to my son, said I sounded 'so gay' when I was just being normal with him and when she said it she was just sniggering and looking at the wall, like I am totally beneath her. Then she burst out laughing when I was feeding him, and said 'you make me laugh' when asked why, she again couldn't look at me and was like 'just do'. I kept asking her why and all I got was 'just do' as she was sniggering but again making no eye contact. I'm the end she said because it is such a joint effort for me to feed him (DH wiped his face, I didn't ask him too but he did - she seemed this as a joint effort). This woman is 34 and this is the sort of person she is. She's awful in my eyes. There were other comments through out that weekend.

The other weekend for DH birthday she came to visit, walked into our house with her mum, never even looked at me. Never said hi. Nothing. I asked her how she was etc and I got a one word answer as she was biting her nails and staring at the floor. Asked her what she's done that day, mil answered for SIL and that was pretty much the only engagement I had with her all night. Me and mil remain civil because we have to. She has my son one day a week, which to be clear is me doing a favour for her, I don't have to allow her to mind my child. I'm just on edge for 1 more piece of shit from her though and that arrangement is history.

Anyway back to it...that night SIL didn't even say bye, she just got up and walked out the lounge when her taxi arrived with her mum and dad who did say bye. She said see ya bro! At the top of her lungs, but said fuck all to me. I shouted down the drive when they were all walking off 'see ya later' and again got nothing from SIL. That entire night I felt so awkward, especially when DH went out for a cigarette with his dad and bil and left me alone with them.

I felt constantly on edge when playing or taking with my son because I felt she was constantly judging me and thinking in her mind 'I'm so gay' like she was doing and actually saying out loud before.

I am dreading this holiday. The whole thing is weird and has been for years but DH never addresses it. It's all been very forces previously and maintained quite well, but I put that down to me being a pushover. There has never been any bond, friendship or anything between us, any of us. I've been with DH for 11 years.

I don't know what to do about this holiday! I told DH how I feel and about his birthday weekend and asked if he noticed how things were with SIL and his response was 'that's just her'. But she's not like this with our friends who came around that night who she's met once before, no she was quite friendly with them. Just not me.

I wish I was going with my family. They adore my dh.

What to do? :-(

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VimFuego101 · 21/07/2016 18:54

What does your DH do when all this is going on? If the answer is 'nothing' then he is just as much a problem as the in laws.