to find partner's inattentiveness annoying.

(48 Posts)
HostOfDaffodils Thu 21-Jul-16 14:12:02

He really doesn't hear me when he gets distracted, and he gets distracted frequently. It's as if his brain just doesn't process that I have spoken.

It doesn't only happen when he's tired or hungry or stressed or there is some sound interference (background noise) I can be inches away, speaking clearly and it's like I somehow don't exist.

It's often the trivial stuff that gets me.

For example we were having lunch. Our daughter who is on the other side of the world had sent us both a message to our daughter. I had replied to her. Then I'd gone across the room to make us both some tea. The phone pinged. He reached for it. I said 'If it's Daughter, please don't read me the reply out loud - I want to read it for myself.

I carried on making our tea and he looked at the phone, then began reading out her reply.

I said ' I just said I wanted to read it for myself.'

'Oh did you? I didn't hear.'

Like that....

NoFuchsGiven Thu 21-Jul-16 14:15:28

Maybe he didn't hear you?

I have terrible hearing and unless I am looking directly at someone when they are speaking, I can often not hear what they said.

HostOfDaffodils Thu 21-Jul-16 14:17:08

No, physically the hearing's fine. It's a mental/concentration thing. It happens when we are right next to each other. Reading in bed, for instance.

NoFuchsGiven Thu 21-Jul-16 14:17:15

I am at my worst when dd speaks to me, I'm not sure if it is her tone of voice but sometimes I just can not hear her unless she is stood in front of me.

Gottagetmoving Thu 21-Jul-16 14:20:41

Has he always been like this? Depends how old you are. Women tend to become invisible after a certain age. No one listens to them either grin

Buggers Thu 21-Jul-16 14:21:31

Mines the same!!! So so annoying. His had mastriod surgery in both ears so uses that as an excuse but it's really because his too busy gawping at the telly or into spacehmm.

Laiste Thu 21-Jul-16 14:21:34

I'm the same nofuchs! One of my DDs could waffle for England. Something in my brain tells me when she is speaking it's ok not to listen shockblush

I listen to DH - mostly (unless it's a work related tale about bricks) and i seem to be able to tune in to other DDs. Odd.

do you waffle OP?

SlinkyVagabond Thu 21-Jul-16 14:23:50

Mine does this, it fucks me off no end. Usually whilst he is absorbed in something on the computer. I can say "do you want tea or coffee?" I'll get "uh huh". Aaaaaaaaarrrgh!

FeliciaJollygoodfellow Thu 21-Jul-16 14:25:20

Mine does this and then has the nerve to get annoyed with ME when I give him an incredulous look and say 'I just said that exact sentence!' Annoys me a lot.

HostOfDaffodils Thu 21-Jul-16 14:25:25

My husband is in his mid-sixties. I find this habit more noticeable now that he is retired. When he was working hard, I assumed it was tiredness. And/or children used to be around, so I felt he was just finding it hard to process all the busyness and conversation and changes of plan.

Now it is just the two of us and he is not under pressure, so the absent-mindedness seems less explicable and more noticeable.

I actually a fairly quiet person. It's not that I ramble on all the time. When I'm talking to him, I am - actually - talking to him.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow Thu 21-Jul-16 14:25:54

And at least when I do it I cop on and admit I wasn't paying attention and can he say it again.

Farfromtheusual Thu 21-Jul-16 14:28:19

Mine is the same!! For some reason he can't concentrate on listening or talking whilst he's doing something else so I literally have to wait for him to finish what he is doing before I can speak to him or it just goes in one ear and out his arse.

Gottagetmoving Thu 21-Jul-16 14:30:26

Sounds like your DH has zoned out of hearing you. Sadly, some couples do this after being together many years.
I have to admit that when my DP is droning on about something I just don't listen. I pretend to but I am not taking any of it in.

Hrafnkel Thu 21-Jul-16 14:30:36

Snap Felicia. Fucking snap.

AndroidAddict Thu 21-Jul-16 14:30:53

What annoys me is when dh has heard me but doesn't respond and then, when I repeat myself, he'll say, "Yes, I know, I heard you the 1st time." Answer me then! At least show me some sign that you've heard and listened to me rather than completely ignoring me.

Laiste Thu 21-Jul-16 14:40:12

When i'm talking and i suspect DH has stopped listening i start telling him that i shagged the postman/plumber/car mechanic all over the house that day. I'll detail the various positions and sometimes i get as far as detailing the size of his knob before DH tunes back in.

grin

Laiste Thu 21-Jul-16 15:21:11

That's another thread killed then grin

Hariasa Thu 21-Jul-16 15:24:36

When you are speaking to him, say his name and wait until he turns to look at you before saying whatever you need to. Then you'll know he's really listening.

My Dsis tunes out like this, and someone gave me this advice years ago. It works really well.

Sparkletastic Thu 21-Jul-16 15:25:21

That's genius Laiste grin

HostOfDaffodils Thu 21-Jul-16 15:31:58

I used to do something similar and say, 'There's an aardvark on your shoulder.'

The name thing is a good idea. I think it's hard because the attention will slip quite suddenly mid-conversation. So one minute he's listening well enough- a second later he's utterly gone.

Oldisthenewblack Thu 21-Jul-16 16:01:36

My partner does that. As I'm insecure anyway about being boring, that doesn't help! It's like I haven't spoken. The other thing, related to this, is that sometimes when I start to speak he will cut right across me, as if he hasn't heard me. I hate it!

HostOfDaffodils Thu 21-Jul-16 16:09:04

Yes, there is the cutting across me too. It's an impulsive/impatient thing with my partner. It's as if he's so excited by the thought he's had - and just has to get i out - he has stopped hearing me.

HandbagCrazy Thu 21-Jul-16 16:16:30

Does he do this to other people?

I sometimes do this - my hearing is awful and if there is anything going on around me, I find it hard to seperate out a single voice and concentrate on it. BUT it's a genuine issue regardless of who's talking.

If he only does it to you, he's an arse, making a choice not to pay attention to you when you speak

HostOfDaffodils Thu 21-Jul-16 16:45:56

I think he does it with the children - now pretty much grown up - too. Not sure re work type situations because obviously I wasn't there.

Less so in general social situations, where he can actually be quite nervous and tentative.

BertieBotts Thu 21-Jul-16 16:49:20

I do this, especially the thought-erupting thing, but I have ADHD. Is that a possibility? Is he always forgetting or losing things?

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