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AIBU?

End of term bash no one thought to invite me to

20 replies

crossroads3 · 21/07/2016 10:58

Have just finished a whole term's work as a supply TA in a primary school. Was also there last year for a whole term.

The staff are great and have been really easy to get on with. Yesterday I heard people telling each other about the pub and one teacher's house they were going to afterwards. No one mentioned it to me or asked me, even when I went and said goodbye to a lot of people individually as I left at 2.00 rather than 4.00pm.

Have now become Facebook friends with a few people only to see loads of pics of their get together yesterday and to feel like this .

I know I hadn't been at the school a long time but there were people in the pics who have been there the same amount of time as me or much less in one case.

Feel like a social misfit .

Should add that there were a few other people who did not go but probably because they were invited and couldn't .

OP posts:

Report

crossroads3 · 21/07/2016 10:59

I guess I was much more of an outsider than I thought I was.

OP posts:

elodie2000 · 21/07/2016 11:27

They have been thoughtless and unkind. YANBU. Don't give it another thought thiugh. Their problem not yours. Enjoy your summer OP

Flowerpower41 · 21/07/2016 11:29

Cliques are so thoughtless aren't they. I do feel for you!

I remember once a good few years ago now (before ds was born) I worked in a local authority well it was extremely political and it took them well over three months before they bothered to hand me the Avon catalogue that went round the whole department! I know it sounds petty but it hurt my feelings for quite some time ...

Feeling silly I wrote this but I hope you know what I mean!

scarednoob · 21/07/2016 11:33

If you felt that you got on well with them, I am sure you did. It sounds as if the key is in "nobody thought" rather than deliberately excluding you. I know that's a bit like saying "at least it's a solid turd rather than a splat of diarrhoea," but it definitely sounds more like a disorganised meet up rather than deliberate choice not to invite you. Get drunk and try to forget about it would be my advice :)

Kr1stina · 21/07/2016 11:35

I agree, they are thoughtless and unkind

I hope you get a better school next term

redskytonight · 21/07/2016 11:37

I expect it was more a case of everyone assuming that someone else had invited you, rather than deliberate exclusion. It's taken me a few years to get here, but now if I overhear about something that's obviously a fairly open group event, I ask what it's about. Every time this prompts someone to say "oh no, we should have invited you, so sorry".

MiddleClassProblem · 21/07/2016 11:38

Were the other people with similar or less time length permenant staff? Even so I would have invited you

kaitlinktm · 21/07/2016 11:49

It probably just hasn't occurred to them OP - probably with your employment being split over two years. I work one day a week in a primary school and have done for two years but I don't get an invite to end of year bashes - and am relieved because they all know each other much better than I do so I would probably find it a strain and I am an antisocial git so I don't even give it head space.

Of course it could be that they just don't like me ... but I can live with that!

Flowerpower41 · 21/07/2016 11:51

I have to say I don't think the UK is a very sociable culture. The only place that gets socialising enough is London and Brighton!

If you were working in other countries you would never be overlooked. Spain, Turkey, all the hot blooded countries etc.

We seem to enjoy cliques here for no apparent reason!

HarryPottersMagicWand · 21/07/2016 11:53

Oh that's a shame and really hurtful. I'd find it very difficult to try and get an invite. I had 2 friends once who I was stood with, they faced each other and arranged a day out, I was stood like a lemon, I made a jokey comment about it and one said "it's ok, we know you are rude enough to invite yourself" , I am not rude and I certainly don't invite myself to anything, I wait to be asked and if it's not forthcoming I assume they don't want to invite me.

In your case I'd assume (as an outsider) that it was a thoughtless oversight. If I was there I'd take it as a snub and as they didn't want me there but I don't have the best way of looking at or seeing things and I'm very frequently wrong.

Phineyj · 21/07/2016 11:57

My sympathies - I get the same because I am the sole teacher of my subject at my school. I am sure it is just thoughtlessness - a lot of stuff in school happens by department so you get left out if you are the only person in a category. This year a colleague organised a night out, had it announced in staff briefing and put posters up. It was good fun and a lot of people remarked that I hadn't been to previous ones ... Duh ... I normally only find out afterwards!

I think organisers should try not to inadvertently exclude new/part-time/non category fitting staff unless is is a private party just for friends. It is one reason why I have now left that school.

VioletBam · 21/07/2016 12:07

FlowerPower is right in my opinion. It's not that they didn't want you to come but nobody was well-schooled in social skills enough to think to check SOMEONE had asked you.

I'm British but recently moved to Australia and I feel totally ignorant socially here. People here are so relaxed about socialising and think nothing of inviting someone they don't know well to a BBQ or to meet out for coffee or something.

I've been far more sociable here than I was in the UK. Don't take it personally OP. It's doubtful that you were excluded on purpose.

TheSolitaryBoojum · 21/07/2016 12:10

It's the nature of supply though, and it's a bad idea to get too emotionally invested in one place.
Why didn't you just go to the pub?

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 21/07/2016 12:23

I wouldn't assume they didn't invite you, I would assume everyone thought you knew about it or someone else had told you about it etc. Don't take it personally 💐

mouldycheesefan · 21/07/2016 12:25

Did you check that there wasn't a sign on staff room notice board? That's what they do at our school they don't individually iNvite everyone.

MrsWorryWart · 21/07/2016 12:27

I don't think you are being unreasonable.

However, I don't think it suggests that you were purposely left out. I think it's more a case of a mix-up.

I'd feel the same as you though. It's not a nice feeling.

Lorelei76 · 21/07/2016 12:33

how do you know everyone was invited but not you? The people who didn't go might not have been invited.

Flowerpower41 · 21/07/2016 13:29

VioletBam thanks for agreeing. :) When I lived in Turkey people were amazingly sociable then I came back to the UK and --- constant quiet life with phone never ringing!

Crap isn't it lol. On a slight side note we are also far too diary obsessed.

voxnihili · 21/07/2016 13:53

That sounds a shame however are you sure you were deliberately excluded? Where I work the end of term bash is always just word getting out what pub people are going to and people just turn up. No one is specifically invited.

kaitlinktm · 21/07/2016 21:11

The only place that gets socialising enough is London and Brighton

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