to think that if someone says, "I'll take the day off to help you."

(13 Posts)
DrSeuss Wed 20-Jul-16 20:55:38

They should a)take the day off and b) help you?
DH has form for this. The day before a holiday, he "pops into work to just sort a couple of things out" and is gone for hours. From 7 am to 1pm today. Before kids it was just annoying, now with two kids it's infuriating.
He says I should have just left all the holiday prep as he would have helped on his return. On previous form, this could have been anything up to 2am. Should I have started work ironing, packing etc then? I was at work yesterday so couldn't get much done. Today, I packed while looking after two kids. Previously, I have packed for three people while looking after a very active toddler. He never gives me any time at which he will be back and always bills it as a quick visit, which it never is.
To clarify, his job is reasonably important but not fantastically so. He's not a brain surgeon! He admits when pressed that it is his poor time management that is the problem. He's only known about the holiday since January, after al!
To be honest, I just needed to vent. I put it to him that it would be nice for me to start one holiday without feeling resentment at his failure to help and being exhausted.

nothanksbyenow Wed 20-Jul-16 20:58:36

My DH does this all the fucking time. He even says the 'you should have left it...' line as well, as though his presence would mean that the tasks would be done in mere minutes. I'm angry now!

gamerchick Wed 20-Jul-16 20:58:45

did you pack his stuff?

DrSeuss Wed 20-Jul-16 21:01:04

I packed for myself and two kids plus all the general stuff like beach towels and first aid kit. I shopped for all the necessary stuff as well.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Wed 20-Jul-16 21:04:45

As he has previous form for this, I would have made it very clear that there would be no "popping in to the office for a bit" on this booked day off!

If he'd gone in anyway then I'd have packed for myself & the DCs only.

Heyheyheygoodbye Wed 20-Jul-16 21:06:09

'You should have left it' is some kind of Pavlovian DH response I think hmm mine does it too. V annoying.

Wolfiefan Wed 20-Jul-16 21:07:53

Mine does the "should have left it" as well. To be done when the kids are in bed? Really?

Wolfiefan Wed 20-Jul-16 21:08:18

Next time suggests he takes kids out whilst you get jobs done?!

Peasandsweetcorn Wed 20-Jul-16 21:12:25

I was also going to suggest he takes the DC out. That's what we do now. I resisted for a while as it seemed very old fashioned but, actually, it works well for us all.

HolesInTheFloor Wed 20-Jul-16 21:17:28

Oh god my dh does that too.
'Why are you getting stressed?'
'Because I've got to sort out the washing, pack all the clothes, sort out what we need for tomorrow, clean out the fridge and take the bins out in the next ten minutes or we'll be late'
'Just leave it, it'll be fine'
'No. It. Fucking. Won't.'

Gatehouse77 Wed 20-Jul-16 21:28:56

I write out lists of what needs doing/packing for each person.

I have learnt to do everything except packing DH's as it's not worth the hassle. I don't have time to waste energy on being angry with DH and putting a dampener on the holiday before we've even left.

It's not martydom because he'll then spend the rest of the time doing other stuff to 'make it up to me' - like bedtimes, cooking, driving, etc.

For me, it's a win-win wink

SoggyBeachDays Wed 20-Jul-16 21:34:15

I'm with you OP. I once spent a memorable 4 hours in Café Nero (alternating, ultimately, between here and a public square-type place, just for a change of scene) near DH's work when he "popped in" for a quick chat with a colleague on the way to our (UK/driving) holiday destination. I had our 3 pre-school children with me. It was a fun drive that followed.

He also does the "just leave it, it doesn't need done" thing. And my favorite is when he announces, without fail before every holiday, "that's me all packed"! Well yes, but what about the other 4 people in our family...?

DrSeuss Wed 20-Jul-16 21:37:55

I had previously suggested that looking after the kids while I did the prep would be good. No way is he ironing my clothes! It would take him hours to iron three t shirts which would than look like a rag anyway!

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