Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2

AIBU?

"Lads holiday"

47 replies

Silvermockingbird · 18/07/2016 01:17

OH and I are expecting our first baby together in October (we have been together 2 years and I have a 3 year old from a previous relationship) he is 28, and I have had a lot of experience with immature men who want to act like boys.. So when we first got together I made sure he was someone who wanted to settle down and live the family life (which he was) he is also the one that asked and asked for us to have a baby.. Now that I'm over half way through pregnancy I feel like he is almost regressing to acting like a teenager.. He usually works 7 days a week but his contract has finished so he has a few months off work- he has been out every day seing friends and only spends time with me and my son on an evening, we haven't done anything as a family in ages because he always has plans with friends. Now he's on about him and a few of his friends going on a 'lads holiday' to magaluf or ibiza or somewhere before the baby's born.. All the friends he wants to go with are single and when I think of those type of holidays I think of young lads, too much booze, and slutty girls. the thing that gets me the most is he hasn't even been on a holiday with me yet.. He's acting as if he needs to 'blow off steam' before the baby is born but this is less than 3 months away! He had plenty time for those type of holidays when he was younger and single. Here's me getting everything ready for the baby, not being able to do some activities I like, while he wants to swan off on holiday without me!

OP posts:

Report

HelenaDove · 18/07/2016 01:31

It sounds like he wanted you to get pregnant as a form of control to keep you with him so hes got a built in housekeeper to do the shitwork while he goes and enjoys himself.

And can we knock it off with the "slutty girls" comments.

LilacInn · 18/07/2016 01:47

It is not uncommon for young men to "want a baby" to prove their supposed virility to the world. Wanting to be a responsible committed parent is an entirely different thing. A pity so many women are unwary about this.

Silvermockingbird · 18/07/2016 01:54

Just to add he's only been like this the past 2 month-ish, he's usually fantastic an amazing father figure to my son, works extremely long hard hours and always puts us first, it's only since being pregnant and it starting to sink in that he's changed

OP posts:

HelenaDove · 18/07/2016 01:57

In other words he waited until the pregnancy was further along.

CaoNiMao · 18/07/2016 02:00

Slutty girls?

MunchCrunch01 · 18/07/2016 02:24

If he's normally a good bloke as you say, sit him down and talk to him. My dh wouldn't suggest any kind of holiday with his mates in this situation and without any reciprocity. Or tell him he can go but you're going to leave him with both dc and go on a similar week long fun fest out of the family money in 6 months? Seriously, he's being silly so tell him.

Kiwiinkits · 18/07/2016 02:38

Ah. The lads weekend. The problem with lads is they're morons. Men don't really grow up until their mid-30s these days. At least in my experience.

Well is he going to put a ring on it? That's usually a pretty good indicator of whether he means it when he says he's a family man. It's pretty easy to talk the talk. Not so easy to walk the walk.

He asked and asked to have a baby. Has he asked and asked to commit to you? They're different. In the baby scenario, ALL of the future costs fall upon you, the mother. He actually doesn't have to do much, yet he gets the social benefits of a child. In the marriage scenario, half the future costs fall on him, the husband. He actually has to put some 'skin in the game'.

trafalgargal · 18/07/2016 02:56

Is this his usual pattern of working a contract with long hours and then enjoying lots of leisure in his down time before the next contract starts.
Have you suggested you have a family holiday now he is off ?

branofthemist · 18/07/2016 05:14

Me and dh don't do 'lads' or 'lasses' holidays. But I don't think they have to automatically stop because you get married or have a baby.

But every relationship is different. You need to have a talk with him. It could be that he is trying to squeeze in all the things he won't be able to do when the baby comes. But you need to tell him how you feel.

But all this 'men done grow up until they are in their theories' is bollocks. Some men and women don't grow up. It's not a men thing and that sort of thing just excuses shitty behaviour.

And please don't call girls on holiday slutty. If the men are there to drink and sleep with random women, why do the girls get labelled 'slutty'?

Obviouspretzel · 18/07/2016 06:48

Is it not possible to be a good family man but still enjoy a lads holiday ? I don't think the two are mutually exclusive.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 18/07/2016 06:50

Yes, why the phrases "young lads" - not at all derogatory- but "slutty girls" - clearly the ones at fault if your DP cheats on you then?

He's an adult - you can't stop him going, but you can explain that you would also like a week away with your friends, during which he needs to look after DS and get everything ready for the baby.

Mommym24 · 18/07/2016 07:01

How about 'slutty lads' and young girls doesn't sound so bad does it

ApostrophesMatter · 18/07/2016 07:09

Lads holidays are for lads. He needs to grow up.

Spandexpanties · 18/07/2016 07:09

There's a perfect balance somewhere in the middle. It's pretty healthy for husbands and wives to spend time apart and with friends (a few hours or a holiday). However balance is critical. He needs to spend both quality time with family and quality time with friends.

Can you ask him to put aside certain days to do family things? Together put the dates in the calendar using a pen.

You will just need to trust your husband when he goes away with his friends. Maybe you will feel less insecure with time?

If he ever chose to have a shag (or whatever) while on holiday with friends, it means he's not committed to you. But actually going off with other women could happen anywhere! He doesn't need to be abroad with his mates for that to happen.

Charlie97 · 18/07/2016 07:10

"Slutty girls", why call girls holiday "slutty" but boys "young lads".

So I presume you're worried about him having sex with a girl on holiday, he of course is only a "young lad" and can't control himself, while she is a " slutty girl" for encouraging him. You are already making excuses for him.

A girl of course may not be in a committed relationship, your OH supposedly is........but she would be. "Slutty".

Very strange attitude in my opinion. Don't put blame on anyone else if your man can't be faithful!

Justlikefire · 18/07/2016 07:14

Well if he's going to magaluf with the 'lads' it's not for sightseeing is it?

I think it's quite common for groups of guys in their twenties to do that kind of holiday. However he has chosen to settle down with you and I don't think it's appropriate timing for him to go.

DragonsEggsAreAllMine · 18/07/2016 07:37

He's in his twenties and a dating relationship, he's certainly not done with spending time with friends.

You are making him out to be very immature yet pregnancy barely 18 months after knowing someone with an existing child to think of wasnt a mature decision really.

Adults should still be free to enjoy leisure time on their own, wanting to do so doesn't make them a bad person.

As a side note, why are only the girls slutty and not the men?

YouSay · 18/07/2016 07:53

He doesn't sound ready for a baby. Do you want to get married? If he did he would have proposed surely.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 18/07/2016 07:57

you lost me at 'sluttygirls' and the poster saying 'lads are morons' have we learnt nothing!

AnyFucker · 18/07/2016 07:59

I think you have made a mistake getting pregnant by him.

Have you told him how you feel about the holiday ?

Lunar1 · 18/07/2016 08:06

Replace slutty girls with single women, who have every right to go on holiday and have fun, just as single men are. I think you need to take another look at your partner and think if he really is ready to commit.

SaggyNaggy · 18/07/2016 08:24

"Sluuty girls" aside..

I'm worried he's got ypou exactly where he wants you tbh. The happy "Little woman" at home whilst he's working 7 days and now socialising all the time.
I'm sure he is wonderful for the couple of hours a day you see him.
I'm concerned that now you're pregnant he feels he's "Got you" and can now start being himself and not the pretend "Wonderful" him.

Ask yourself... If he was so great? Such a great father figure... Etc.
Why then isn't he spending his down time going you away? Days out with you and your DC? Why is he choosing to not spend time with you? I wonder, just morbid curiosity, does he roll in in the evening after being out of the house all day and then expects you to be happy he's home and supply him food? Drink? Sex?

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

MarcelineTheVampire · 18/07/2016 08:51

YABU to use the term slutty girls.

x2boys · 18/07/2016 09:53

Ignoring the slutty girls comment as i dont think its helpful it sounds like now the reality of being in long term relationship with babies and settling down has hit him hes gwtting a bit anxious about it hopefully its just a phase that will pass before the baby is born.

MeAndMy3LovelyBoys · 18/07/2016 10:09

Ah. The lads weekend. The problem with lads is they're morons. Men don't really grow up until their mid-30s these days. At least in my experience.

I'm sure there are girls who are morons too. Plenty of morons of both sexes.

What about girls who go on a "girls weekend"? Are they not grown up either?
(I say girls because you said lads to refer to 20/30-something year old men, so I'll do the same when referring to women)

Flip

1 2

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.