Blown out by mate

[2boysnamedR]

My first post in AIBU
My mate asked to go round her house Friday night. All planned earlier in the week. Then she called it off as she was tierd. Now she's texting me about her hot blind date she had that night.
Aibu to expect her to try harder at fibbing to me?
Ok she had a better offer but why not bend the truth a bit better? Say that she met him another time? Like the Saturday or Sunday morning? Or just tell me about it later on and not mention the day she went out?
She has form for cancelling last minute and has asked me to cover for before ( turned out again she wasn't doing what I was covering her for as she let it slip).
Argh! I changed my plans but it's more the not sticking to her fib that's narked me. Aibu to presume she thinks I'm a bit thick and can't add two and two?

[acasualobserver]

Make one more date. This time you cry off at the last moment. Drop mate. Move on.

[peppercold]

Just say I thought you were tired Friday night??

[2boysnamedR]

I should have called her up on it as soon as she said she'd been on a date. Instead I asked if he was nice and did she have fun whilst I was sitting at home with no plans

[Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost]

Id have text back saying.
Not interested, sorry.
If she asked why. I'd have text. I thought you were too tired for me to come over on Friday. Not only did you blow me out for some bloke but you also lied to me.
Be straight with her. You're not her toy that she can play with and put down when ever she feels like.

[trafalgargal]

Do you want her to lie to you?

She already has form for this so I'd start cultivating new friends and not be so reliant on her as she thinks she can lie to you and let you down at the last minute.

[2boysnamedR]

That's true I don't really want her to lie to me so I guess I can't win can I?
I am already feeling a bit sensitive this week friends wise. A friend I made who's dd is the same age as my ds is starting to distance herself from me as our kids are going to separate schools. Another one who tells me she's been really ill then talks about going on school coffee mornings.
I do think it's time to concentrate on building up new friends. I wish I was the sort that could blow people out but I have to be at deaths door to let people down. I think that's half the problem. I expect too much.
Ho hum, I hope he was worth it. I'm sticking with dh at weekends from now on. He doesn't seem to have a better offer

[whatamockerywemake]

You'll feel better about yourself if you call people on it. Without being nasty, but just naming it. Like "oh, I thought you said you were tired, not that you were out" etc.
Easier said than done, I know!

Good luck.

[2boysnamedR]

I need to start doing that. I think I'm turning into a bit of a doormat! I always think of good comebacks but after the event

[pictish]

I should have called her up on it as soon as she said she'd been on a date. Instead I asked if he was nice and did she have fun

There you go then. Not only did you not rightly call her out for lying to you and being insensitive about it, you actively enthused about the date!

People pleasing doesn't make people like you, it makes them take advantage of you.

[2boysnamedR]

I know, what was I thinking? I said to myself 'whaaaaat?' Then asked her if he was nice while grinding my teeth! It's not something she does every week to me but next time she does it I will defiantly say 'glad you felt well enough to go out after all' or something else non confrontational. Maybe she will stop thinking of me as a backup plan until something better pops up

[honeyroar]

Text back "glad he was nice, but don't lie to me and say you're ill next time".

[LondonStill83]

I don't think it's too late.

I would text "have been thinking about this weekend. Not cool that you blew me off because you were tired and then went on a date - makes me look like a mug so just be honest next time"