to think 11 year old is old enough to be a good host?

(8 Posts)
cakedup Thu 14-Jul-16 17:45:28

DS had a friend round for a few hours and I was quite disappointed in how he dealt with him.

In all fairness, I think DS finds this friend a bit annoying and I suspect this friend may have invited himself round. However, I would expect all guests in this house to be welcomed and treated well.

Basically, DS was acting as if he was his bossy, controlling, mother. It was "don't touch that" and "you can't do that".

We live in a cul de sac where another school friend lives. The guest friend asked DS if they could pop round to say hello. DS kept saying refusing until I stepped in and said, he only wants to go and say hello and see where he lives, no big deal. So they did that.

Then guest friend wanted to play a trading card game, and even though DS had been going on ages about wanting to play this card game with someone, he kept refusing. DS wouldn't even let him look at his cards. I get that he collects them and wants to keep them mint, but if that's the case then don't have them out at all!

Guest friend requested a few times to play it until I stepped in and said, just play for 20 mins DS. There was bickering during the game and then when i said it was time to go (they had to go back to school for the school play) the guest friend just left his cards on the table. DS was like "You can't just walk away and leave me to clear up! You have to help" in a whiny telling-off voice.

I accepted when DS was younger and had friends over that some bickering would occur over what game to play etc. But as a year 6, 11 year old, I really do feel that he should be looking after his guests better.

They've had to go back to school for the play and I told DS I wasn't happy with the way he treated his guest and that we'd talk about it later. DS got really tearful which is not great just before you have to go on stage dressed as fish.

AIBU? DS quite good with guests normally I have to say.

Hassled Thu 14-Jul-16 17:55:26

I don't really think any of mine would have grasped the concept of "being a good host" at 11. Your DS clearly doesn't like this kid - and I agree, that's no excuse for being rude (and it does sound like he was pretty damn rude), but I don't think he'll necessarily understand the etiquette of when someone is in your house you're generous/polite/do what they want etc.

Is he normally OK - I mean generally kind and sharing?

Buggers Thu 14-Jul-16 17:55:51

I think both boys were kind of rude. It was quite rude of your ds's friend to go to ds house then go on and on about visiting another friends house imo.

MollyTwo Thu 14-Jul-16 18:00:02

Yanbu, I think your ds behaved really badly and rudely. Maybe speak to him about how he would feel if he was treated that way at a friends house? He's 11yo not 6 so old enough to start learning good manners.

meowli Thu 14-Jul-16 18:01:18

I've always had an informal rule that if there's any dispute, the guest chooses what to do. It's not always reciprocated, though. Do you think your ds may have had a similar experience when he has been to this friend's house, and was treating him in the same way?

cakedup Thu 14-Jul-16 18:01:45

Yes he is normally very kind and good at sharing. His other friend was round the other day looking through his cards! But he does also have a controlling/bossy side to him which really came out when this boy was round.

Didn't think of it like that Buggers. But then at one point, DS just put on the TV and started watching it in silence, so I think the other boy was getting bored.

cakedup Thu 14-Jul-16 18:03:56

Yes we have that rule too meowli , I have enforced it ever since he was small. He has never been to this boy's house.

They sometimes play online games together over Skype. To be honest he seems to find him really annoying on there too. I don't think the boy is particularly annoying at all!

meowli Thu 14-Jul-16 18:10:13

It's really hard when they have friends who they're not particularly friendly with!

Maybe it's to do with the way they relate to each other at school? Conceivably this friend is on his best behaviour when you're around, but is completely different at school. If it were me, I think I would be asking my ds why he has this friend round, when he so obviously doesn't really like him. It doesn't sound like a happy relationship for either of them.

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