AIBU to think that I need to fight for what I want

(13 Posts)
NYC23 Thu 14-Jul-16 07:50:30

My partner of 5 years completely blindsided me last month and broke up with me saying that she needed time to fix her self as she was feeling angry all the time. She spent the entire month texting me each morning, saying she missed me, saying she wanted to be with me, that she loved me and wanted to fix us.
Then, last week, by text, she said that she was done and that we were not going to be getting back together sad Last month was hard but I clung on to her every word in hope that we would soon be back together but now, she has said there is no hope and I can hardly breathe... I feel sick and panicky, I am always crying. I just feel hopeless at the prospect of being without her... She was planning on proposing to me... she had chosen a ring... we had said we wanted kids in 2 years and we knew what kind of wedding we would have...
We also have a holiday booked for the 23rd and she is saying that she either wants all her money back or she is going on it... She has just text me saying that I am pressuring her and guilt tripping her, but yesterday she was saying that she is confused and upset by everything that is happening.
I was thinking I would leave her along for the next 10 days but send her a photo of us, with a little note saying "give us one more try" and her plane ticket... Then it is up to her... if she comes then she wants to try again, and if she doesn't then I guess I have tried everything.
AIBU to want to fight for this or should I just give up? Please someone tell me that this heartbreak gets easier

PrancingQueen Thu 14-Jul-16 07:58:11

It does get easier.

I would back off completely. She's been messing you around and being very unfair with all the texting. She's kept you dangling when it should have been a clean break.

Don't humiliate yourself by trying to persuade her back - sorry to say this, but there could be someone else in the picture.

Imnotaslimjim Thu 14-Jul-16 08:01:20

I agree with queen don't beg. She's toying with you, so step away. I know it hurts but it does get better. Don't let her mess with your head any more

flanjabelle Thu 14-Jul-16 08:01:45

I think you need to respect her decision and leave her alone. Everyone has the right to end a relationship if they are not happy. You have to respect that and leave her alone.

branofthemist Thu 14-Jul-16 08:02:07

Personally I think they more you push , the more you will push her away.

Personally if I were you, I would tell her I was going on the holiday and what she does is up to her. Assuming you want to go and happy going alone.

Send her, her ticket and tell her she can sort out and pay for separate rooms.

I don't think anyone should stay in a relationship they don't want. But I wouldn't be giving her any money for the holiday. If she goes and you don't will she give you the money you put in?

You anti guy for a relationship if the other person has checked out. Which it sounds like she has. But is keeping you dangling.

Do you really wantI be in a relationship with someone who keeps stringing you along.

I would second that there could bro me one else and she is still deciding who she is picking.

BillSykesDog Thu 14-Jul-16 08:04:22

Going on a holiday in this situation would be an absolute nightmare.

LadyStarkOfWinterfell Thu 14-Jul-16 08:04:46

You can't fight for something when the other person doesn't want to. Sounds like she's been messing with your head and the best thing would be for you to disengage completely and let her come to you if she's ready to talk like an adult.

BillSykesDog Thu 14-Jul-16 08:06:34

I think Bran's idea about the holiday is probably the best way forward. Otherwise she should refund your money if she expects you not to go because she's going but wants her money back from you if she doesn't go. Works both ways. She's taking the piss.

EllaHen Thu 14-Jul-16 08:12:58

Even if you 'win' her back, how do you do she won't do this again?

The threat that she might walk away at any moment is not a good way to live.

I would walk away. You have done enough by being there for a month.

pinkdelight Thu 14-Jul-16 08:24:10

It gets easier when the uncertainty ends, so please don't engage with her in prolonging it. Draw a line and mourn the relationship but also be grateful that she's ended it now and you haven't married and had kids with the wrong person. By this time next year you could have met the right person and never look back. That's what happened to me. It's shit now I know, but stop fighting, go through it, be good to yourself, and you'll be happier in the end.

whois Thu 14-Jul-16 08:28:33

The person who does the breaking up has to forfeit the holiday. No way should you pay her for that.

Don't ask for 'one last chance' - she has treated you unfairly leaving you hanging, like she just likes to know she could have you if she wanted.

Mouikey Thu 14-Jul-16 09:00:09

You have given little background to the story, it maybe that she wants you to fight for her... Have you always been attentive and listened to her? Might be worth sitting down in a neutral place to see if things can be mended if that's what both of you want. Mothers are some good relationship counsellors around. Also booking a second room and going away could be an opportunity to spend time together in a new environment whilst taking the strain off the relationship. This is so tough and I'm sad you're going through it... If it doesn't work out, know that there will be light at the end of the tunnel in the future (there always is, even if you can't see it now). Xx

NYC23 Thu 14-Jul-16 21:12:13

Thank you for all your replies.

We have argued a lot over the last year, mainly started when we moved in together last February... Lack of affection on her behalf, she wasnt interested in sex at all - constantly rejecting my advances... She kept thinking if, when we argued, I was calm then she would think I was talking to her as though she was a child... She said I never fight for her and she always did the chasing... That's why I thought perhaps she wanted me to actually fight for her back...
But she text me earlier and we got heated again and she said that she needs to sort her anger out and fix herself and to do that she needs to be alone. I asked her to give me a 100% yes or no if she was completely done with us and she just doesn't answer me... She says that she is confused and that she has to be alone to fix herself... But she also said I nagged a lot and "belittled" her but I don't think I did... I really don't think I did... She also said I nagged because I always wanted to plan things and get things sorted etc... I know I did this because I suffer from anxiety and she knew that... I feel like such a shit person!

I honestly thought her and I were forever sad I can't see any hope and I know I'm not the only person to ever go through a breakup but it feels lonely as hell... I love her so much and would have done anything for her.

I need to feel better sad xxx

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