To not give this speech at my grandads funeral

(31 Posts)
LivinLaVidaLoki Thu 14-Jul-16 06:41:37

Today is my grandads funeral. I was asked to say something so I wrote a short speech about what he was like as a grandad and how he will be missed. Its a bit rough as I didnt have enough time to finish it because last week my mothers condition deteriorated and I spent days with her as she died.
Now, as the funeral planning for my mother gets underway I just find doing this speech too much, its too overwhelming and I dont think I can do it. I was going to ask the vicar if they would read it for me.
However, my aunt/cousins are on at me that I should do it. Im just not coping well right now and dont think I can manage it.

OneArt Thu 14-Jul-16 06:42:42

YANBU. Look after yourself flowers

annandale Thu 14-Jul-16 06:44:37

Of course you shouldn't feel forced to do it. I think the minister reading it is a good solution.

GrimmauldPlace Thu 14-Jul-16 06:44:41

Why don't one of your aunts or cousins read it if it's that easy? I can never speak at funerals. I don't see a problem with getting the vicar to read it. It's still your words.

YANBU, I'm sorry for you've lost your mum and grandad so close together. Hope you are taking care of yourself. flowers

branofthemist Thu 14-Jul-16 06:45:00

Yanbu. Don't do it. You have too much going on. Look after yourself and do what you need to do.

Pimmmms Thu 14-Jul-16 06:45:43

Sympathies op. flowers

Of course YANBU! Why can't one of your cousins give the speech instead?!

Nanunanu Thu 14-Jul-16 06:46:10

Yanbu. To lose your mum and grandad so close together is very hard.

Noone should have to make a speech at a funeral if they aren't up to it.

Is there anyone you can hand your notes to so they can finish it?

Twowrongsdontmakearight Thu 14-Jul-16 06:47:36

Of course you shouldn't have to do the speech. Things have changed massively since then. You might need to be insistent with your family but you need to look after yourself at the moment.

Penfold007 Thu 14-Jul-16 06:57:58

Your aunt and cousins haven't just lost their mother as well as DGF. If you don't want or feel able to deliver the speech then so be it.
At a recent family funeral my cousin actually couldn't deliver his father's eulogy during the service, another mourner stood up a read his words out. It really is personal. Sorry for your loss, be kind to yourself.

VioletBam Thu 14-Jul-16 07:04:06

Oh YANBU! OP I'm so sorry for your losses. sad It's too much to ask of you.

Friendofsadgirl Thu 14-Jul-16 07:04:07

LivinLaVidaLoki, YANBU.
I think you have enough to deal with, never mind reading your Grandad's eulogy. Ask the vicar or your cousins to do it.
flowers Sorry for your losses.

clarka Thu 14-Jul-16 07:07:54

Of course YANBU flowers I'm sure the vicar would be happy to read it on your behalf.

sooperdooper Thu 14-Jul-16 07:09:46

I'm so sorry for your losses, it must be incredibly hard dealing with both at the same time.

Yanbu, it's hard enough to read at a funeral any time but you've got too much to deal with, it's fine for the vicar to read it, or someone else from the family if they feel up to it

My2favboys Thu 14-Jul-16 07:23:08

yanbu. very sorry for your losses

foursillybeans Thu 14-Jul-16 07:23:42

That is your aunts problem, not yours. You have done brilliantly writing the speech as it is. Just ask the vicar to read it. Hope all goes well today OP. I am very sorry for your losses. Look after yourself.

yabvu Thu 14-Jul-16 07:27:11

Not being unreasonable but I did give the speech at a funeral when I nearly didn't for the same reasons as you. I'm glad I did.

Perhaps you could warn the vicar you may not be able to continue. Some kind of signal for him to take over?

blueskywithclouds Thu 14-Jul-16 07:27:19

Yrnbu. I did a speech at my great aunts funeral. We were very close. I stood in front of a packed church and cried through most of my speech. People were still touched though and loved that a family member did it.
It was a massive thing though and I almost didn't do it! If you feel it's too much then don't, it will all be ok. Sorry for your loss.

bakeoffcake Thu 14-Jul-16 07:33:29

Oh you poor loveflowers. Of course you don't need to read this, and yes ask the Vicar to do it. You've got enough on your plate without being pressurised to read something so emotional, out in public.

SoupDragon Thu 14-Jul-16 07:38:46

YANBU.

Definitely ask someone else to read it - either the vicar or a friend or relative. I've done this for a friend before when they couldn't read it when the time came.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe Thu 14-Jul-16 07:53:13

How awful that your aunt and cousins are using their energies to bully you instead of support you.

You have more than enough to deal with at the moment, if it means so much to them, they can make the speech.

flowers for you op.

goldwrapped Thu 14-Jul-16 07:59:36

flowers for you. I hope everything goes smoothly. Don't do anything you don't feel up to doing xxx

Ditsy4 Thu 14-Jul-16 08:00:44

How dare they!
Ask the vicar to read it on your behalf.

I'm so sorry for loses and so close together you must be devastated. In the coming weeks go and do something for yourself - a massage, swim , afternoon tea with a friend. You need to look after yourself a little more.

ohtheholidays Thu 14-Jul-16 08:06:23

Your aunt and cousins aren't going through what your going through OP.

I'm very sorry about your Grandad and your Mum,I'd go with what others have suggested and ask the Vicar to read it for you.

Funerals are bloody hard enough as it is without anyone putting extra pressure onto you.

I couldn't talk at my Mum's funeral,it was hard enough for everyone else hearing the awful sobbing that was coming from me.
My Dad,my big Brother,my DH and 5DC and our Vicar all knew why I didn't speak and they supported me,they never expected me to,they knew how much I was already struggling.

I hope today goes as well as it can and I hope you have plenty of love and support around you flowers

Magstermay Thu 14-Jul-16 08:07:43

YANBU although I think it's always nicer when family read a eulogy unless the vicar knew the deceased well. At my FIL funeral the vicar muddled things up as he didn't know him, but despite a bit of a moan none of the family wrote anything or read anything.

I think you've done very well to write something, there is no reason a cousin/ aunt can't read it out, they are BVVU I think.

flowers for you, what an awful time you are having

echt Thu 14-Jul-16 08:10:19

So sorry for your loss(es), Loki

YANBU. My DH died suddenly a couple of weeks ago so I completely get the overwhelming nature of the funeral planning on top of your grief for two loved ones.

It is out of order to put pressure on you to speak.

I hope all goes well. thanks

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