To ask how you deal with being the only non invitee?

(162 Posts)
PineappleStick Mon 11-Jul-16 18:16:08

I've left work in tears blush

It turns out my colleagues are having a get together tonight and I haven't been invited.

I'm friendly ish with most of them. I would say I'm nice to people and never slag people off .

One of my other colleagues , who is a total gossip and bitches about certain colleagues is going . She is also friendly ish with most of them .

I only found out because one of my colleagues asked if I'm going tonight .

I feel so hurt sad

I know it's childish but I can't help it . I'm trying to think back to what I could have done .

I know it will be the topic of conversation tomorrow and I'm going to feel worse .

How do I deal with this situation ?

Frankly , I want to say fuck it and keep myself to myself but it still stings sad

branofthemist Mon 11-Jul-16 18:18:31

Personally, now I would have said (loudly) 'no I am not going, I wasn't invited and no mentioned it'

A few years ago I would have say at home with chocolate and ice cream and wallowed.

But either way I would have forced myself to put on a brave face at work so they thought it didn't bother me.

Is there anyone you get in really well with, that you can mention it too. If that would make you feel better?

MissBattleaxe Mon 11-Jul-16 18:18:58

That's really hurtful of them. I'd be upset too. Is there anyone you can ask? or did the organiser leave you out accidentally or deliberately?

Heidi42 Mon 11-Jul-16 18:21:22

They prob left you out accidentally don't feel bad, on the other hand you could just turn up, which I have done in the past lol. no one knew any different they are all too up their own backsides to know what is going on !

OurBlanche Mon 11-Jul-16 18:21:30

What did you say to the colleague?

I once responded "No! I haven't been invited Have a good time"

The organiser tried to make it all my fault, of course I had been invited, must have missed the email, the card was in my post tray, wasn't I just so silly?

To which, having had enough of playing silly games, I just repeated "You didn't invite me. Have the courage of your convictions..." Apparently I looked very amused when I said it... I was crying inside.

So blag it. Style it out... you won't have done anything wrong, so there is no harm in you just saying "I wasn't invited. Someone obviously forgot me"

PineappleStick Mon 11-Jul-16 18:21:44

I'm not close enough to anyone to actually ask. A few of the colleagues going are not particularly close to anyone else - that's why I don't get why I was excluded .

It was deliberate - they've had plenty of chances to ask me .

I just put on a brave face and told colleague to enjoy herself whilst dying inside sad

threeelephants Mon 11-Jul-16 18:22:01

This has happened to me. Years later I still don't know why. I actually went through a spate of not being invited. Oddly enough, everyone was still nice to me.
Very strange.
flowers

PineappleStick Mon 11-Jul-16 18:23:33

Oh god I'm wallowing now ... Thinking of all the times I've been let down and disappointed by people .

It must be me .

This is not going to go well tonight - I think it's a long hot wallowy bath and a dirty kebab for me tonight grin

AnchorDownDeepBreath Mon 11-Jul-16 18:23:39

Ooh that's harsh, I'm sorry.

I was going to ask if it's because you're "friendly-ish", rather than friends, and so maybe they think you'd like to keep work at work. Wouldn't explain why other people who are only friendly-ish were invited, though.

I suppose you can now choose whether to make more of an effort getting closer to them, if you like them, or back off and leave them to it. I'm sorry that they've treated you like this. At least one person was nice enough to mention it, so they obviously don't feel that it's clear cut you'd be left out.

ApocalypseNowt Mon 11-Jul-16 18:23:55

Is it informal? I ask because at my work non 'official' nights out get organised adhoc. A colleague will send an email round to a few people saying 'thinking of going out fri...forward to anyone you think might be interested'. So it gets round some people but it hard to know who has been invited iyswim.

I found out about one last minute and went along. I assumed i'd just been missed...not surprising as although i'm friendly in the office i like to go off on my own at lunch so don't always get invited to stuff.

Do you really think it was deliberate?

ApocalypseNowt Mon 11-Jul-16 18:24:57

Sorry, massive xpost OP.

I'd still go....or go out by myself....

PineappleStick Mon 11-Jul-16 18:27:59

It was formally organised .

I'll look like a Desperate Debra if I just turn up grin

The bastards .

I thought I'd grown out of all this .

MollyTwo Mon 11-Jul-16 18:30:04

Aw Yanbu, flowersvery mean of them to exclude one person. And no doubt there will be references tomorrow about it. Well now you know they are Just colleagues and not friends.

MoBro Mon 11-Jul-16 18:33:02

This happened to me Saturday! My colleagues were talking about their night out all day and I just assumed they happened to be going out individually! grin grin Anyhow, it is what it is. I've decided it's because I'm the only non childless one... makes me feel less shit!

MilesHuntsWig Mon 11-Jul-16 18:33:49

Oh crap. How rotten for you, you hope you leave this sort of shit behind at school but sadly you don't.

Have a good soak, add some chips to that kebab and try to get in the mindset to out a brave face on it tomorrow.

Then organise something fabulous to do with your friends which is much better than whatever they're doing.

reallyanotherone Mon 11-Jul-16 18:35:45

I just say, "no, I knew nothing about it" or "no, I didn't get an invite", and usually add "have a good time"

It happens. Never have worked out the logic.

rollonthesummer Mon 11-Jul-16 18:38:04

What did the colleague say when you told her you hadn't been invited?

PineappleStick Mon 11-Jul-16 18:38:34

She looked a bit awkward and then swiftly changed the subject .

lalalalyra Mon 11-Jul-16 18:39:12

Are you sure it was deliberate?

I was left out of a night out once. I was really upset about it and ended up saying something on the Monday. Cue mortifed, and equally upset faces, when they realised that I hadn't been there the day it was organised (all verbal) and they'd all just assumed everyone was invited. Another colleague was also missed and she never forgave them for it.

DoreenLethal Mon 11-Jul-16 18:41:54

Perhaps they know you have an amazing life and knew you couldn't possibly fit their ridiculously pathetic evening into your diary?

Or they are nasty wankers.

itsmine Mon 11-Jul-16 18:42:30

'Personally, now I would have said (loudly) 'no I am not going, I wasn't invited and no mentioned it'

Yes, agree with this. Its fine to choose whoever you want to go for a night out with, it is not fine to exclude only one person. Unfortunately those with the crap manners to do this type of thing rely on every else being too polite to mention it.

Tomorrow rather than cringe, make then squirm and ask loudly how was it, did everyone have a good time. Arseholes.

PineappleStick Mon 11-Jul-16 18:42:31

Definitely deliberate .

There has been plenty of time to invite me . They just didn't .

SabineUndine Mon 11-Jul-16 18:45:45

Happened to me a couple of years ago. A colleague invited everyone in the team to her wedding but me. TBH I think behaviour like this reflects badly on the person doing it though I was a bit staggered that nobody seems to have called her out on it.

Aeroflotgirl Mon 11-Jul-16 18:49:09

that is shit, they don't sound very nice, just keep them at work and that's it. Have a big mug of hot choccy and a lovely bit of cake smile

SpaceKablooie Mon 11-Jul-16 18:52:29

Aw, Pineapple, flowers for you. I've had similar things happen to me at work. I think I'm reasonably nice, but I can be a bit awkward and I've probably fallen into the parent who never goes out thing. I cried the last time it happened to me too.

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