I know IABU about anniversary gift. Help me be grateful please?

(97 Posts)
Buggrit Mon 11-Jul-16 06:45:20

NC because I know I'm being a twat blush.

It's our first wedding anniversary - we were both up at midnight so gave each other gifts then. I had made him a framed crafty thing. Took a very long time to make but I knew he'd like it. He does. All good. I partly decided to do that because we are skint and mutually agreed to spend very little - £10ish max.

He has written me a poem which is a nice thought and I would genuinely be suitably grateful even if it is absolutely dire, and something he's done before and wish he'd STOP except for two things:

1) He has spent a huge amount of money that we don't have getting it printed in fancy curly letters onto a scroll. With wooden knobby bits and a presentation box and a red ribbon with a heart charm. It is beyond naff and doesn't do anything but sit in its box. Cluttering up the place. When he knows I've spent all year finally and gleefully letting go of useless tat.

2) it hasn't actually arrived. He showed me on his phone, because despite paying an eye-watering amount for this thing on Wednesday plus more for next day delivery it hasn't arrived.

So - I know I sound like a brat, I really do. He put thought in and blah blah blah but it doesn't feel like it, because I feel like if he knew me at all he'd know I'd hate it. And I'd hate him throwing away money. I'd honestly rather he'd gone to Tesco and picked up a paperback he thought I'd enjoy.

Anyway, I convinced him I'm thrilled last night but now I'm lying here hoping I can keep it up today. The only silver lining I can think of is it might never arrive and he can get the money back.

Argh I'm such a bitch sad

seoulsurvivor Mon 11-Jul-16 06:51:23

I get it. I hate useless tat as well. But...you also gave him useless tat, no? Homemade useless tat, sure, but useless tat nonetheless.

MackerelOfFact Mon 11-Jul-16 06:52:26

It does sound naff but I think that's the risk you take when you invoke a tradition of homemade-type gifts. At least it doesn't require displaying or regular wear/use and you can just put it in a 'memory box' or something and forget about it. You'll probably never love it, but maybe one day, 40 years down the line, you'll find it and have a giggle and be reminded how much you love the sad old twat and his predilection for crap poetry.

MackerelOfFact Mon 11-Jul-16 06:53:24

Also - congratulations! flowers

Princecharlesfirstwife Mon 11-Jul-16 06:54:05

So your crafty home made thing is not naff but his poem from the heart is?

Twinkie1 Mon 11-Jul-16 06:54:30

Sounds like you gave him exactly the same sort of thing that he gave you, he may have put on great act at getting a 'framed crafty thing' when inside he wishes you'd bought him a decent gift.

RNBrie Mon 11-Jul-16 06:55:50

Has he done it because you're supposed to do Paper for the first year??

If so, you need to knock it on the head asap because it will just get worse. I speak from bitter experience. You just end up with desperate tat trying to meet the criteria for that year and my dh always overspends on our agreed budget too.

Just don't do anniversary presents at all. In fact we've been together so long we don't do presents for bday or Xmas either. We put the money we would have spent in an account and have a weekend away together once a year.

But.... On this occasion you say thank you very much and then shove it in a drawer somewhere then throw it away in about 6 months. He'll forget all about it eventually. Or if the poem is any good, cut off the wooden post things and stick it in a frame.

Floralnomad Mon 11-Jul-16 06:55:54

Just tell him that in future not to go to the expense of the scroll ,a poem on a piece of paper will suffice as it will be easier to keep . We have been married 27 years and my husband will randomly write me poems - it's lovely .

OhTheRoses Mon 11-Jul-16 06:58:05

YABU. Wait 25 years and look back on the years you both forgot, the year you had a baby in hospital, the rows you survived.

MollyTwo Mon 11-Jul-16 06:58:41

Sounds like you gave him exactly the same type of present confused

19lottie82 Mon 11-Jul-16 06:59:07

I also fail to see the difference between his gift and your homemade gift?

It's a lovely gift. Much more thoughtful than a paperback from tesco.

ThatAnneGirl Mon 11-Jul-16 06:59:38

I think it's good news that it didn't come. He might be able to get a refund!

I agree that he's tried to fit it in with paper as its your first anniversary. My dh got me a silver plated top hat champagne bucket for our first anniversary. From John Lewis so not cheap. We decided not to do presents after that.

Buggrit Mon 11-Jul-16 07:02:39

I know mine probably is tat too. But I knew he'd like it as he's seen one before and loved it, and it can go on the wall out of the way. And I am moderately good at crafty stuff. He is a man of many talents but fucking terrible at writing poetry! And even if he hated the thing I made at least I didn't bankrupt us for it!!

But yes as mentioned I know IABU. This is just my way of venting these thoughts before he wakes up and I have to be thrilled all day again.

But Mackerel that is true and made me smile. He's an absolute love really. And this will undoubtedly amuse me in a 'wtf' way in years to come...

StealthPolarBear Mon 11-Jul-16 07:05:39

RNB dh and I have just had our tenth (tin) I got him a tin of coke.
actually we have since has our 11th and seem to be back to mutually ignoring it and not quite remembering if it was the 25th or 26th smile

LocatingLocatingLocating Mon 11-Jul-16 07:06:07

If you're going to treat present giving as some sort of competition or love challenge, then you'd do better to knock present giving on the head. He tried to be thoughtful, you didn't like what he got. What do you want him to do about it?

QuiteLikely5 Mon 11-Jul-16 07:06:49

So his gift is tat and yours isn't? A crafty thing is how you described it........sure a guy is really going to love a crafty thing confused

I think this is a non problem and in that sense you are lucky if this is the biggest issue in your life right now! smile

Buggrit Mon 11-Jul-16 07:07:25

Floral I have lovingly kept all his previous literary efforts!

branofthemist Mon 11-Jul-16 07:08:08

I went down the Coke route for 10 years too.

He got me a money tin.

Honestly op you gifts are really similar. You seem to basing this on the fact that you are better at crafts than he is a poetry. Maybe he thinks that's not true grin

The postage isn't really his fault either. He sorted it and was let down.

Quite frankly in 10-15 years it won't matter. You won't even be able to to think of anything g to get it make.

GertrudeSmellsDivine Mon 11-Jul-16 07:11:02

Maybe his talent is faking thrilledness rather than writing poetry grin

Buggrit Mon 11-Jul-16 07:13:28

Hahaa Gertrude possibly.

Nataleejah Mon 11-Jul-16 07:13:40

This made me grin what a first world problem.
(Myself i hate 'crafty' tat with passion)

Jaimx86 Mon 11-Jul-16 07:20:34

Why do you need to act thrilled today? Surely neither of you need to talk about presents again the next day?

GertrudeSmellsDivine Mon 11-Jul-16 07:24:54

Seriously though, you need to bite the bullet and have a chat about the fact that you agreed £10 then he spunked the budget on crap. If an agreement is made, it needs to be stuck to. He's been a cheeky fecker really.

GertrudeSmellsDivine Mon 11-Jul-16 07:25:56

Quite a stern chat actually.

branofthemist Mon 11-Jul-16 07:33:21

If he isn't good at crafty gifts. What did you expect him to get for a tenner

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