Yes weddings are all about love and the couple and that's all that matters, but honestly I would adore strolling down the isle in the big dress, the party and the fuss.
I've been married before, we eloped and had only my Dsis and DD present. Been divorced for years now.
My problem is the two sides of my family DM and siblings plus family/DF and DSM plus family hate each other. Like, punch each other in the face wouldn't come to my wedding if the other one did hate each other.
AIBU to think they could just suck it up for one day. I dream of DF walking me down the isle and apart from one Dsis no-one else from DM's side would turn up 
It's also the only opportunity DF will ever get to do this in his lifetime.
We wanted a big bash for DS's christening and ended up it being just us, because both sides made it so difficult that I couldn't invite any. Then they got annoyed because they weren't going. Each thought they deserved to go more than the other. A wedding feels a little more monumental though.
So basically to get what I want I have to chose a side. Or invite none and just have DP's family.
Or AIBU and I should fuck off and elope again? which I dont want deep down if I'm being honest even if it's materialistic
AIBU?
To want a big wedding?
YourNewspaperIsShit · 10/07/2016 23:25
Not sure what it being a second wedding has to do with it 
My first was eloping when I was very young and no-one even knew lol. This is far more special in my opinion. DP's family are really close and would be gutted to miss it. He would also like a big special day to share with family/friends. His family is split as well but they are amicable.
I know it won't be perfect but I bloody hope I'll never being doing it again and would hate to think back and wish we'd just gone for it IYSWIM?
I'm tempted to say to everyone that DF and DSM are coming and I know one of my Dsis will likely not speak to me anymore.... But honestly that's so petty she'd be welcome to do so. I can cope with the tantrum they would throw but not sure it's worth all the guilt they'd lay on for years to come
I think if you really made me choose I would chose DF which sounds awful but DM and me aren't very close, however Dsis1 is my best friend and lives with DM.
They've been divorced since I was a toddler and DM claims DSM was the "other woman" where as DF says they met months later. Not something your kids should be dragged through really but they are both quite petty and childish. DSM has always acted like a mum to me and my kids call her grandma too
The consequences of me chosing DM's side is Dsis2 being smug and self-entitled. DM wouldn't cause a fuss on the day but would always bring it up afterwards "well in the end you picked this side etc". I would have no-one at all to walk me down the isle (DGF deceased). DF would never get to walk anyone down the isle and would miss the only child's wedding he could attend (both Dsis would not invite him to theirs). DSM doesn't have any kids so she would miss out too. DF's family would be disappointed but not angry and still speak to me/forgive me.
The consequences of me chosing DF's side would be Dsis2 going absolutely nuts and blaming me for a million things before cutting contact (I have nephews I would hate to lose but not extremely close with atm). Dsis1 in an awkward position with DM/Dsis2 but still attending as we're very close. DM would be very disappointed forever (and probably talk about it til her dying day how she missed it and it makes her feel terrible, she likes a good guilt trip) but not kick off for the sake of my DC's. DM's entire family would still speak to me (I think) but shun me and bitch about it/bring it up a lot. Actually maybe they wouldn't speak to me.
If we only invite DP's family then both scenarios happen. And if we elope then my family don't kick off (although my DF and DSM still miss out, DM has 2 other weddings she's a big part of) and DP's family are gutted they miss it because they're very close
We want to set a date but can't even see how any scenario would work.
whatamockery that sounds fab thank you, I think it would work for aunts/uncle's etc but Dsis2 would read something even that reasonable and just because I entertained the idea tell me to fuck right off... In those words. She's already mentioned that she thinks I "wouldn't be brave enough" to invite DF Starting to think not having her influence would be for the best but that's very sad and I still love her at the end of the day. She just thinks that if she hates DF, we also have to hate him to.
I think DM and DF would both respond to that trying to do the right thing, and both saying "I'll stay away to keep the peace" but then im back to the start with DF missing the isle, maybe that's just something we'll both have to sacrifice so I'm not seen as chosing sides
Op my family is the same (but could possibly be civil in the same room) and we get married in February. I haven't said anything to anyone, we send the invites out next month and obviously they assume the other family is invited.
I was worrying constantly about it, but in the end I figured I need to do what we want to be happy, our day is about no one but us. If they don't love me enough to keep their mouth shut and ignore people they don't like for one day, then I don't really want them there anyway. Although I appreciate this is harder with your sister. 
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.