Visiting for less than 24hrs and now brining back up

[3rdrockfromthesun]

Posting on behalf of my mother. My uncle lives in America and is visiting my parents for less than 24hrs. He rang tonight to ask if my aunt could stay at the same time (sephe will be also seeing him when he is staying for a week in Scotland). My mother is pissed off because:

1. She has just had major surgery and will only have returned to work that week.
   
2. My aunt always invites herself when he is visiting despite the fact that she will see him for longer.
   
3. They will expect my mother to wait on them whilst the three of them (including my father) drink themselves stupid. My mother can not drink at the moment
   
4. Due to a leak there is only one functioning bathroom - which is an ensuite
   
5. He will only visit for 24hrs and has already booked himself onto the 10am train the following morning.
   

My mother has asked the mumsnet jury if sibu?

Thanks x

[Heidi42]

She isn't but quite what she can do about it l don't know unless she feigns a relapse?

[Penfold007]

She should just say no, that it isn't possible on this occasion.

[3rdrockfromthesun]

My mum is just beside herself but I have suggested that my father has to do all of the work including making beds, food shopping, cooking etc

[Dontyoulovecalpol]

If it's her brother who she rarely sees because he lives in America, I would think she should suck it up. He's probably trying to fit in as much as he can. She just needs to not wait on them and the bathroom situation they'll just have to deal with

[DeathStare]

By your aunt to do you mean your uncle's wife or your mum's sister?

If it's your uncle's wife I don't think there's much she can do.

If it's your mum's sister then I think it's reasonable for her to say that she can only manage one guest right now.

[WhereYouLeftIt]

"He rang tonight to ask if my aunt could stay at the same time "
He asked. Which means your mother can say no.

"They will expect my mother to wait on them whilst the three of them (including my father) drink themselves stupid."
Sounds like there's a big back-story to this. And frankly what your father does is more important than what your uncle or aunt do. Can she ask him to do the hosting (due to her recent surgery) and to stay sober? Or do they have a dysfunctional marriage?

TBH, it sounds as if all the relationships here are a bit dysfunctional. Is the aunt your mother's sister?

[3rdrockfromthesun]

My uncle and aunt are my dad's siblings. I get that my uncle is trying to fit everything in but I think the issue is my aunt always visits at the same time as my uncle does. I work half day in Friday so i think I will be going over and starting the cooking

[3rdrockfromthesun]

My dad left it up to my mum to decide and I think my mum was too shocked to say no.

Also everytime my dad sees any of his siblings they just spend the time drinking (plus they never grew up together as they were sent off to boarding school at an early age)

[Wolfiefan]

Don't buy booze?

[BluePitchFork]

can your mum stay with you for a couple of days? or go into a hotel for the stay?

[Dontyoulovecalpol]

What's wrong with them
Spending their time drinking? It means your mum doesn't have to do anything, she can rest. Even better turf them out to the pub

[Wolfiefan]

Posted too soon!
Totally refuse to wait on them.
Or just not let them stay.
Why does your dad need to drink to excess every time?

[rollonthesummer]

I can see why your dad wants to see his siblings. Can't your mum come and see you for the night??

[GinandJag]

With recovering from and operation and having bathroom problems, the obvious thing is for them to stay in a Travelodge.

[JackieAndHyde4eva]

How about you and your mum dont cook and cater for them? That would solve the problem of having to cook and cater for them. Agree with your mum coming to stay with you. Theyre your dad's family. He can entertain and cater for them.

[DeathStare]

Well if it's agreed, it's agreed.

But if it's your dad's family it is his responsibility to sort out all cleaning, bedding, cooking, etc.

[MsVestibule]

They will expect my mother to wait on them

What would happen if she just didn't do that? I don't understand why your dad would think it's OK to want his siblings to stay but just sits and does nothing but drink with them, while his wife does everything - is this their usual dynamic, even when his siblings aren't there?

What would his reaction be if she stayed with you and left them to it?

[PeaceOfWildThings]

Yes, obvious solution would be for them to stay at a local inn, or hotel with bar. Or at least the sister should! Your DH could either stay there too that night, or they drink there, and get a taxi back.

[WhereYouLeftIt]

Well, with the extra details:

Your mum needs to be completely honest with your dad. It's his siblings, she's still recovering from major surgery, HE IS THE HOST. He prepares beds/rooms, he decides what to feed them and does the cooking, she WILL NOT be waiting on them. He does all the extra laundry after they leave, and all the clearing up. Oh and he gets his finger out and gets plumber in to fix the other toilet, she is not having his siblings traipsing into her bedroom to go to the loo and waking her up (I'm assuming the working en-suite is en-suite to her room).

"My dad left it up to my mum to decide and I think my mum was too shocked to say no."
Then your dad is a bit crap. It's his siblings, 'you decide' is trying to guilt your mother into doing a whole load of extra domestic stuff. What he should have done is was say 'Don't worry love, you'll still be getting over your surgery, I'll see to it.'

[LockedOutOfMN]

Your mum comes to stay with you or goes to a hotel. Aunt stays at home. Uncle and dad spend time together, with dad doing the cooking and cleaning, etc.

[WhatchaMaCalllit]

Tell your mum exactly what WhereYouLeftIt said. It sums up the situation and the suggested response perfectly.

[BlackAmericanoNoSugar]

I agree with LockedOut, your Mum is recuperating and should come and stay with you. And not go back until her house has been returned to the state that she left it in.

[WingsToFly]

Can't your aunt be the hub this time? She hosts everyone in Scotland when your uncle visits.

[gamerchick]

Aye if this goes ahead ask your mother to pack a bag and come to you.

She may go back to a shithole though.