To tell her not to bother to come to my graduation?

(31 Posts)
LemonySmithit Sun 10-Jul-16 17:57:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aeroflotgirl Sun 10-Jul-16 18:04:46

I would definitely tell her not to bother, and distance myself from her, she sounds very self absorbed and selfish.

LilQueenie Sun 10-Jul-16 18:13:23

so selfish. she wants to use your events to showcase herself and steal the limelight. tell her she isnt invited to anything.

LemonySmithit Sun 10-Jul-16 18:37:45

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Shizzlestix Sun 10-Jul-16 18:41:11

I definitely wouldn't allow her to show her wedding DVD, that's quite mad, not to mention incredibly self centered and thoughtless. Shove her, OP, she is a waste of space.

trafalgargal Sun 10-Jul-16 19:07:25

No one would want to watch a wedding video at 10pm anyway so I'd just let her put it on and continue the party in the kitchen whilst she bores the pants off anyone no quick enough to escape in time.

MiscellaneousAssortment Sun 10-Jul-16 19:18:23

Wow, attention issues anyone?!

No I'd make sure leaving parties stay as leaving parties.

I'd perhaps try and leave it a bit open ended before you escape go overseas.

Whilst being rather happy she won't be around to be mean at other points in the future!

Good luck.

LemonySmithit Sun 10-Jul-16 19:31:52

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DoreenLethal Sun 10-Jul-16 19:48:03

Tell her no - you are not stopping your leaving party on two occasions to show her wedding video and so it's probably best she doesn't come at all.

followTheyellowbrickRoad Sun 10-Jul-16 19:50:12

Where are the parties being held? Is there going to be a dvd there? I would let her show it if people want to watch it. It's not really worth the bad feeling

SisterMoonshine Sun 10-Jul-16 20:04:35

See sharing a sister's wedding DVD with family/ friends us something I don't think I'd mind doing before moving abroad. It's all part of the family events etc So I think the same as trafalgargal.
I don't think I'd be bothered about the airport thing.

LemonySmithit Sun 10-Jul-16 20:05:39

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bangingmyheadoffabrickwall Sun 10-Jul-16 20:28:48

"Sis, I find it a bit weird that you announce, in public, that you are so proud of me and how you are going to miss me when I go to Asia. But you don't miss me enough to attend ANY of the 'going away parties' that I am having to organise for our scattered family, nor are you bothered about coming to wave me off at the airport, like you said you would do but have put camping as a higher priority. Please, explain to me how this whole 'miss my sister' mallarky works?" Put that on her FB posts.

LemonySmithit Sun 10-Jul-16 22:32:38

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DoreenLethal Mon 11-Jul-16 07:57:35

What did you say and what happened?

Sierra259 Mon 11-Jul-16 08:07:25

Can you change the location of the leaving parties to a local pub or bar so there's nowhere to show the dvd? Just message everyone and say there's been a change of plan. Especially if your mum I not supporting you. It sounds like she's jealous of the exciting times you have ahead and so is trying to deflect the attention back to herself. And that she's been overindulged in this way your whole lives.

2rebecca Mon 11-Jul-16 08:10:05

I find it odd that you are surprised that a sister you admit that you have never got on with doesn't want to do lots of going away parties and tearful goodbyes at the airport. Boring party guests with wedding DVDs sounds rude but if neither of the parties she is planning to do a "show" at are at your home then it's up to the hosts what gets shown on their TV.
Why do you want to spend a day with someone you don't like?
You describe your sister as attention seeking but you seem to want everyone focussed on you here.

Arfarfanarf Mon 11-Jul-16 08:14:22

Which is not unreasonable at her leaving celebrations and her graduation.

Sparkletastic Mon 11-Jul-16 08:16:40

No don't invite her to your graduation - places are generally very limited so use that as the reason if she expresses an interest in attending. Try and stop being so bothered about the other stuff. You plainly say you don't get on but you are still expecting her to want to do things with you. Look forward to your new life and leave her behind you.

toadgirl Mon 11-Jul-16 08:36:31

I like Sierra's idea of moving the venue to a pub.

It would neatly solve the problem without discussion. Discussion seems pointless with your mum and sister.

Anyone who loves you and wants to be a part of the celebration will be there with bells on.

Then you can go on to your exciting new life (which your sister is insanely jealous of).

Congratulations, by the way flowers

RaspberryOverload Mon 11-Jul-16 08:36:40

Your mum is a big part of the problem. She's enabling your sister's behaviour and probably always has, hence why you don't get on so well and why your sis gets away with crap behaviour.

SisterMoonshine Mon 11-Jul-16 09:18:12

She doesn't know you don't want her at the graduation so she probably sees that as some time with you.

LemonySmithit Mon 11-Jul-16 11:54:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LemonySmithit Mon 11-Jul-16 20:27:21

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Homebird8 Tue 12-Jul-16 06:15:29

I feel for you Lemony. My DSis hasn't got used to our change of country after five years and I suspect she never will. She also feels we are at fault for making our decision and I sometimes think she would like to punish us into making a decision to return. The punishment aspect comes and goes but the disapproval is always there.

I also feel for our sisters. It is hard for them that an already split family looks like it is becoming even more distant. It's hard for those of us who make the move and hard for those who have to live with it.

I think you have to live your life. Don't burn bridges and don't be swayed by the wind either. Be proud of yourself. Let her come to terms with it in her own time giving just as much as she can at any one time.

Her wanting to refocus the parties and the graduation is an expression of her neediness. I doubt anyone will want the occasions in place because of your accomplishments and life decisions to be twisted. Go along and be focussed on the reasons the occasions are happening. Your sister's choices and those of the other people around her aren't in your control.

My best wishes for your celebrations, your farewells and your challenges.

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