surely a grandmother should check with parent before buying for DC for school/trips etc.,?

(67 Posts)
NoahVale Sat 09-Jul-16 10:05:16

my DM has just announced she has bought books for DC school work, which we had anyway!
she said she asked DC.
Now I know DC is 16 but wouldn't it be sensible to check with the mother to make sure the motehr a) didnt already have said object, or b) the motehr hadnt made plans to source object. confused

yes, I have posted about her before, perhaps I should name change,

SlightlyperturbedOwl Sat 09-Jul-16 10:06:55

It would seem sensible to do that, but you can't insist can you? I guess it's her lookout if she doesn't check and you have them already. Can't you be honest about already having them?

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Sat 09-Jul-16 10:07:51

Tbh at 16, no I wouldn't expect her to check with me as well. One or the other should be fine. If I had already bought them or knew where to get them from DS would know and would be able to tell his DGM that.

usual Sat 09-Jul-16 10:09:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EatShitDerek Sat 09-Jul-16 10:09:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NoahVale Sat 09-Jul-16 10:11:19

even if it means doubling up on certain things? wasting money?

NoahVale Sat 09-Jul-16 10:11:46

not necessarily asking, more like Checking

NoahVale Sat 09-Jul-16 10:12:26

Thanks folks.
just needed a small rant.
It is indeed Her Look Out.

usual Sat 09-Jul-16 10:13:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MiddleClassProblem Sat 09-Jul-16 10:14:38

I don't understand? She wasted her own money, you say to her "oh, I already have them" and she decides whether you keep them anyway or she takes them back....

What's the issue?

NoahVale Sat 09-Jul-16 10:15:01

not really, these are my books, and yes i did tell her mother she asked her GM.

NoahVale Sat 09-Jul-16 10:15:25

sorry I mean, I did tell DD before she asked GM.

NoahVale Sat 09-Jul-16 10:16:08

The Issue is, to let me know she is sourcing them? otherwise we both are.

EatShitDerek Sat 09-Jul-16 10:17:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LIZS Sat 09-Jul-16 10:18:18

Had you bought new or just had copies already? It is easier to mark up clean copies. We've got lots of duplicate texts but editions can vary.

NoahVale Sat 09-Jul-16 10:18:54

no, I guess editions can vary.

SteviebunsBottrittrundle Sat 09-Jul-16 10:20:23

As pps said, I don't really get what the issue is as it isn't your money that's been wasted. If anyone is 'to blame' (for the non-issue) it is your DD I think. I wouldn't expect my MIL to check with my if my DD was 16 and able to tell her herself tbh.

DelphiniumBlue Sat 09-Jul-16 10:26:09

" made plans to source... " wtf? Do you mean " thought about ordering online/ popping to the shops?'
You are talking about school books, right? And reading between the lines, you had an old copy of a book which dd didn't know about? So Granny bought her a new one? On what planet is that a problem, other than you coming across as a tad controlling?

YouMakeMyDreams Sat 09-Jul-16 10:27:09

I understand how you feel my mother is like this. It's hard to articulate properly without sounding petty but it annoys me massively. Partly because I can't afford to waste money. I'm a part time student to be full time in September so if I've got something she duplicates it I feel I've wasted money too.
She was contacting people sourcing birthday cakes for ds1 and told me after I'd ordered and paid for one. She got all cats bum mouth at a show Dd was in this year when she met Dd in the foyer at the break and bought her t-shirt and I arrived and said I'd already bought her one.
It feels like interfering and now and then wires cross wouldn't be a problem but all the time feels like a slight in some way that I'm not capable of sorting out what my dc need. Like I say it's hard to articulate without sounding petty but I get where your coming from and the frustration.

Enkopkaffetak Sat 09-Jul-16 10:37:01

I have a 16 year old and also a MIL I would be flabber gasted if MIL felt the need to ask me if she could buy my 16 year old a school book. I would fully expect said 16 year old to be able to say " oh its ok grandma I have that one" or something like " I don't know what mum has can I let you know?"

However I have a MIL who I get on with so that may make a difference smile

Gileswithachainsaw Sat 09-Jul-16 10:40:02

I know what you mean noah

there's a very fine line sonetimes between being nice and helpful and screwing plans up.

when it involves the purchasing of stuff Immediately people think it's generous.

but for instance if you alreasy have it akd saved for it or spent alot of time sourcing a particular version then not only does it cheapen what you got them you also have the guilt of having to say actually we have it ir really needed X.

I'm fussy with what I buy. with books fir example sonetimes they aren't "just" books.

non fiction books fir example are often updated or available in an abridged version that may or may not be what you are after.

there can be so many versions that unless a person has it specified which one is needed chances are you could get stuck with the wrong one.

schools/colleges often request a particular version maybe even one after a certain date to ensure its correct fir what they are studying

a grandparent buying any book about the subject isn't helpful of they haven't checked in to see what's needed.

Gileswithachainsaw Sat 09-Jul-16 10:42:11

Even if a 16 yr old has given the title he or she may still need to consult the list to check the author or date specification to ensure they aren't confused by books of a similar name or get book 2 instead of 4 etc

PurpleCrazyHorse Sat 09-Jul-16 10:42:25

If you've got new copies and so has gran then that's annoying, especially if your DD knew gran was getting them after you'd already bought them.

If you have old editions and gran has bought new, then I can understand your DD wanting new. When I was studying English Lit, it was best to buy the exact edition as we often referred to page numbers during the class.

However, it's up to gran what she spends her money on. Maybe DD wants to return them for something else wink

Penvelopesnightie Sat 09-Jul-16 10:42:40

Why doesn't gran just give her granddaughter money (pocket money). For what she wants . My 15 yr old Dd sees her grandmother once a month and her grandmother always gives her some pocket money to help her out with school stuff or clothes . Perhaps you should tell your Dd to ask gran for money instead so she can purchase her own choices .

trafalgargal Sat 09-Jul-16 10:43:06

Surely a grandparent and a Mother can talk to each other .....but frankly at 16 I'd expect a child to be able to handle this situation themselves.

In the grandmothers day kids went to work at 15 or 16 so the expectation that a 16 year old knows what books they have or don't have isn't unreasonable.

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