Particularly your mum. Mine work full time and live an hour away. But they rarely ever call me, if I call them they are always rushed, busy and appear bored/dismissive of anything I have to tell them. They come over for a couple of hours approx once a fortnight and just sit and chat, occasionally play a little with DC then make their excuses and leave. They were never really around for me or my sister growing up so I don't know why expected better with their grandchildren but it still hurts. My children would love to see more of them. It always feels like they do the bare minimum to fill the requirements of what they see as 'involved' grandparents (this is the term that they actually use). I've tried to talk to my mum lots of times about how I'd love to see more of her and it's always brushed off as 'I had to bring up you with not much help, my mum wasn't interested etc' but she always seems to miss the point.. it's not the help of babysitting etc I'm after. It's just her being more emotionally available. If I gently press my point she will become angry/tearful and say she's busy with work and doesn't need to a guilt trip. Almost every single one of my female friends and acquaintances are much closer to their mums than I or at least see a lot more of them. I often pretend to them I see more of my mum than I do because I find it embarrassing to explain her disinterest. What I can't understand is within my mums own friendship circle her close friends and sisters are very close with their own daughters and go for lunch, holidays etc together. And yet she never seems to notice it's not like that between us? She spends a lot of time with her friends, always has done and goes on holidays and dos breaks with them. But then she's too busy for us. She's never once booked a day off work to spend with us. I just feel so sad we've never had a close relationship and don't spend any time together. I suppose I am just looking for solidarity and wondering if anyone else has experienced similar with their parents or even any viewpoints from the opposite side.. I am 26 and my mum is 53 so maybe some mumsnetters with grown up daughters/grandchildren can help give me some perspective. Please be kind, I understand my mum has her own life, has no obligation to spend time with us and my children are the responsibility of myself and my husband alone. I just wish either of my parents had more time for us, that's all.Â
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92 replies
MrsMedlock · 08/07/2016 14:48
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