girl in boys changing room. wibu to speak to coach.

(105 Posts)
Madeyemoodysmum Fri 08-Jul-16 14:05:11

I'm prepared to be flamed but this has been bothering me for a few weeks now so I wanted to get some views

My DD and ds swim and we have separate changing areas. I leave dd aged 10 to sort herself out and I help ds aged 8 in the boys
They are children's lessons so no adults changing at all many other mums and dads are present in the boys but it's just women in the girls unless boys are under 8.

Anyway to get to the point it's all boys changing in the boys except one girl who is clearly in the throws of puberty. She has very definite signs. It's her dad who brings her in and he gives her no privacy at all. Last week she was covering herself with her arms. I feel so awful for her. I would not expect my DD to change in the boys at that age. Dad seems oblivious. Would it be totally out of order to say something to the coach. I don't think any of the boys have noticed but there are also men in there and I'm not for a moment suggesting they are looking but the girl is clearly uncomfortable.

honkinghaddock Fri 08-Jul-16 14:17:24

Perhaps everyone 8+ should keep to their own sex changing room.

Egosumgism Fri 08-Jul-16 14:23:46

it's none of your business so, yes, unreasonable to speak to the coach.

Bluebiscuits Fri 08-Jul-16 14:24:00

Yes definitely say something poor girl. Or maybe suggest to the dad that your two daughters go off and get changed together in the ladies?

Andrewofgg Fri 08-Jul-16 14:25:09

Absolutely Honkinghaddock

My club's rule is ninth birthday and I would prefer eighth. I don't want s girl older than that around while I am changing and showering - bench and lockers, no cubicles and nowhere for them - and I don't want them around in a state of undress either. There was a chap who went on bringing his daughter and niece in when they were obviously too old and I had to insist he sent them through the other side. He said they would mess about and waste time and forget things and I said I believed him and it was JTB.

AppleMagic Fri 08-Jul-16 14:29:22

This all seems very confusing. I don't understand why you are in the men's changing OP? If your son is too young to change alone shouldn't he be in the ladies with you?

Egosumgism Fri 08-Jul-16 14:29:32

I don't want s girl older than that around while I am changing and showering

I don't want them around in a state of undress either

Why?

Andrewofgg Fri 08-Jul-16 14:33:52

Because it concerns my privacy and dignity and their privacy and dignity.

On a practical level I also don't want it to be possible for anyone even to suggest that I am staring.

SaucyJack Fri 08-Jul-16 14:34:45

Perhaps he doesn't want pre-teen girls looking at Little Andrew ego?

My 9&11 year old's would both have a damn good stare at a naked man if they had the opportunity. And then probably laugh.

BravoHopeful Fri 08-Jul-16 14:35:42

I agree that your 8yo son should be changing in the ladies with you if you think he can't change by himself (I have left mine to change by themselves at their school lessons from the age of 5, but they were quite capable and it was a safe environment). Are there older boys changing in the mens? I think they would be embarrassed by your presence!

JoandMax Fri 08-Jul-16 14:39:03

Yes I think you should have a word re changing. I also think you should stop going in the men's!! Either your son is old enough to go in alone or he goes with you into the ladies - there should be no adults of the opposite sex in there

Madeyemoodysmum Fri 08-Jul-16 14:41:39

I'm happy to let my son get on with it tbh I just feel for the girl.
All boys are under ten but it it bothered them I'd be happy to be told to wait outside. Just that ten yo girls develop a lot faster than ten yo boys

There are no adult males or females getting changed only kids.

Hersetta427 Fri 08-Jul-16 14:44:38

Well she should be in the ladies but then so should you.

If your 8 yr old can't dry and dress himself (which he should be able to do by know) then take him in the ladies. You should under no circumstances be in the mens.

Madeyemoodysmum Fri 08-Jul-16 14:45:10

The coach can't ban adults completely as the swim school is for 4 and up. I would just expect parents of girls in puberty to let them use the female changing room alone. My own dd gets changed alone and there are no men present. I can see why you are saying there should be no women in the mens also but we are allowed for some reason.

Jasonandyawegunorts Fri 08-Jul-16 14:47:40

Your son should be in the ladies with you.

Jasonandyawegunorts Fri 08-Jul-16 14:48:20

I would just expect parents of girls in puberty to let them use the female changing room alone.

What if she needs help changing?

Madeyemoodysmum Fri 08-Jul-16 14:51:16

My son is too old to go in the ladies. That's the point. Why is a ten yo girl in the mens but 8 yo boys are not allowed n the ladies.

She doesn't seem to need help but I'm only assuming. It's a school pool so no individual cubicles

Jasonandyawegunorts Fri 08-Jul-16 14:53:08

Why is a ten yo girl in the mens but 8 yo boys are not allowed n the ladies.

Because people complain when it's the other way around.

She doesn't seem to need help but I'm only assuming

Maybe you shoudl stop taking such an intrest in the child?

peggyundercrackers Fri 08-Jul-16 14:53:38

What if she needs help changing?

why would a child of 8 yrs and upwards need help changing?

Madeyemoodysmum Fri 08-Jul-16 14:54:29

JASON. I will ignore that comment!

Jasonandyawegunorts Fri 08-Jul-16 14:54:42

How comes you suddenly know her age?

RiverTam Fri 08-Jul-16 14:55:22

Sorry, are you a mum? Because you should not be in the male changing room if so. Adults being in the 'wrong' changing room is worse than children. It sounds like this girl is uncomfortable, which is fair enough, but it's up to her to let her parents know she's not happy.

Jasonandyawegunorts Fri 08-Jul-16 14:55:33

why would a child of 8 yrs and upwards need help changing?

Autism, dyspraxia, Vision problems, co-ordanation issues, any number of things.

Jasonandyawegunorts Fri 08-Jul-16 14:56:38

why would a child of 8 yrs and upwards need help changing?

OP why does your 8 year old need help, this poster wants to know?

Jasonandyawegunorts Fri 08-Jul-16 14:58:08

JASON. I will ignore that comment!

Why?

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