To not want to pay for DS?

(32 Posts)
Grayloco Wed 06-Jul-16 11:45:48

ExH and I have as little contact as possible with each other since our divorce 3 years ago, we just bring out the absolute worst in each other.

We have a 9 year old DS together but our finances are completely separate, neither of us gives the other any sort of child maintenance etc or any money whatsoever. DS splits his time weekly between us, if he needs something whichever one of us he's staying with pays for it etc

For this summer we paid for DS to spend a week at summer camp the cost was £449 and we split it 50/50.

I received an email last night from ExH that he wants to take DS away on holiday with his DP & her children, would I be willing to pay half the cost for DS, which is a little over £300.

We've always paid for holidays with DS separately & only split the cost if it's solely for DS, like the camp.

I'm taking DS away to visit family in Aberdeen later in the summer, so I'd much rather save up for that & have a great trip then give £300 and then be on a budget whilst we're away.

AIBU to just say no.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow Wed 06-Jul-16 11:47:55

God no! You don't pay your ex for family holidays! 😮

MyKingdomForBrie Wed 06-Jul-16 11:48:21

Of course YANBU, why the hell is he asking? I would simply say what you've said here, that this has never been the deal and it is nonsensical to pay for each other's holidays.

penguinplease Wed 06-Jul-16 11:57:48

Tell him you'll need £300 from him towards the holiday you have planned and call it quits.

What an odd request!!

TheWitTank Wed 06-Jul-16 12:01:24

YADNBU. I agree -ask him if he is willing, in return, to contribute to your holiday later on in the year. £300 should cover it.

Grayloco Wed 06-Jul-16 12:02:19

He's never asked before, we keep our contact as minimal as possible, it's always email and short and to the point, so it's not like we're friendly enough for him to ask, only reason I'm considering it is because I wouldn't want DS to be left behind if they all went on holiday. It would be exactly like him to blame it on me if DS asks why they all went away without him

ExitPursuedByABear Wed 06-Jul-16 12:02:50

The cheek!

No away should you pay.

OurBlanche Wed 06-Jul-16 12:03:08

Reply:

Of course I will. And you will need to pay £300 towards his holiday with me and mine later in the year.

Or:

Don't be silly. That is your holiday with him, I will be having mine wih him later. Would you want to pay for that?

Anything to point out how weird that request is...

OurBlanche Wed 06-Jul-16 12:04:20

* It would be exactly like him to blame it on me if DS asks why they all went away without him*

To which you reply: Never mind love, we will go on holiday later. Daddy is just being a bit silly/skint/fuckwitted at the moment

Grayloco Wed 06-Jul-16 13:53:01

Glad to know I'm not being Unreasonable, I'll email back with a no

flanjabelle Wed 06-Jul-16 13:55:17

Don't be silly. That is your holiday with him, I will be having mine wih him later. Would you want to pay for that?

^ reply this!

KamMum Thu 07-Jul-16 21:36:53

No way!! That £300 could go towards your holiday with son.

JackieAndHyde4eva Thu 07-Jul-16 21:39:55

I wonder why the sudden request? Do you think his new DP has said thats how it works with her ex so it should work like that with you?

Snowflakes1122 Thu 07-Jul-16 21:41:40

How bloody cheeky! Yanbu in the slightest.

MeAndMy3LovelyBoys Thu 07-Jul-16 21:43:00

Nope. Don't pay it.

Just5minswithDacre Thu 07-Jul-16 21:49:03

I wonder why the sudden request? Do you think his new DP has said thats how it works with her ex so it should work like that with you?

Exactly what I was wondering.

It would explain the sudden descent into weirdness.

nannylife Thu 07-Jul-16 21:59:03

What an odd request! Did he reply op?

scarlets Thu 07-Jul-16 22:03:23

Say yes. Then tell him that you'll need £300 for Aberdeen later in the year. Hopefully he'll realise how absurd this all is.

PassiveAgressiveQueen Thu 07-Jul-16 22:16:53

I would organise a trip to the Bahamas (anywhere stupidly expensive), ask him for half

Unicorntrainer Thu 07-Jul-16 22:20:24

Let DP pay the other half. If you want to go away together does X pay half? If they can't pay it use that cash for you and DS.

FFS, why can't people just be nice to each other!

HarryPottersMagicWand Thu 07-Jul-16 22:25:24

Definitely NBU. He can pay for the holiday for his son.

Grayloco Thu 07-Jul-16 23:07:22

Sorry guys, I just replied with a no, he has replied & it's pretty clear that if I don't pay DS doesn't get to go and he's justified that by saying that technically he's already paid for DS to go away this summer (for the camp) & he's likely to go away with me, so missing a holiday won't 'kill him', those are his actual words.

I've replied back with if that's his decision then that's up to him.

No reply so far, but I'm not really expecting much.

JackieAndHyde4eva Thu 07-Jul-16 23:18:21

Good for you. That is his decision. he has decided not to take his son on holiday. And can i just say ha fucking ha that he actually even acknowledges that you will also be taking DS away. So he knows you will already be paying for a holiday. Why on earth would you be paying half of his holiday with DS? confused i would guess he has come into money issues or his new partner is throwing down some new rules about how its going to work now.

JackieAndHyde4eva Thu 07-Jul-16 23:19:38

Dont engage with him any further. You've given him your answer. Youre providing DS with a holiday already as well as his camp holiday. Dont be guilted into subbing him!

AnecdotalEvidence Thu 07-Jul-16 23:32:48

That sounds like a deliberate attempt to blame you. He had no intention of taking him in the first place.
Take him on holiday yourself - you won't be the bad guy.

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