Bridesmaid has gained weight and can't fit into dress

[StressedOutB2B]

I am getting married in 2 weeks. I have three bridesmaids my sister and two adult friends. All the bridesmaids had a dress fitting 3 months ago thy had a say in their dresses etc and all was fine. The dresses were £260 each I paid obviously.

Today the dresses were delivered and one of the bridesmaids has gained so much weight she can't fit into it and it's cutting her under the arms and won't do up at the back. Straining to do it up she ripped a seam. Ok these things happen but now she wants me to pay for a new dress the other one can't be taken out enough. She's not pregnant in case anyone asks she is a yo yo dieter.

I don't see why I should pay another £260 for her dress she doesn't want to be out of pocket but I think she's being ridiculous and now she's refusing to speak to me and said I'm fat shaming her. I think she should at least offer! Who is BU?

[Gazelda]

Err, she is being unreasonable. She could offer to pay, or suggest she stands down as bridesmaid and wears something she's comfortable in. It's not fat shaming, it's pointing out the obvious that she's grown out of the dress and you don't have budget for another!

[whois]

Today the dresses were delivered and one of the bridesmaids has gained so much weight she can't fit into it and it's cutting her under the arms and won't do up at the back. Straining to do it up she ripped a seam. Ok these things happen but now she wants me to pay for a new dress the other one can't be taken out enough. She's not pregnant in case anyone asks she is a yo yo dieter.

No chance.

How on earth has she put on so much weight in 3 months?

To keep the friendship alight I would offer to pay halvies on alterations. Or she can buy a new dress heself. Or she can step down from being an 'official' BM and be there in the morning etc but not have to wear the dress and do the waking down the aisle thing behind you.

Did she really use the words 'fat shaming'?

[Only1scoop]

She is being unreasonable

Patch up dress best alteration can do

[Planty18]

she is, everything Gazelda said!

[wheresthel1ght]

She is being utterly unreasonable however as a compromise could you see if a decent dress maker could insert a modesty panel into the back?

If they are zipped up then it could quite easily be turned into a corset back which would allow more room?

[RadicalPessimist]

She's probably mortified but covering up by lashing out. I would be so embarrassed in her shoes. That's quite a lot of weight to have gained in a short space of time. Do you know why? Is she unhappy and comfort eating?

If you cannot afford replacement dress and she can't either, then I guess you'll have to ask her to step down as a bridesmaid.

[fattyfattytoadgirl]

She should be trying to find the solution to this, not you.

It's hard to suggest what could be done without seeing the dresses. Could an elasticky type mesh panel thing be inserted at the back to give a few extra inches? I don't know what else to suggest.

I hope you get this sorted, how awful to have this unexpected stress when your wedding is a mere two weeks away!

[KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes]

Do you have anyone else who can fit into the dress instead?

[TealLove]

It's not your fault she gained weight!

[Buggers]

Can't you exchange it for a bigger size?

[PurpleDaisies]

I'm surprised the person doing the fitting today didn't just suggest letting the dress out, adding a panel at the back or making it lace up rather than zipped.

[Aeroflotgirl]

She is being very unreasonable, really she should be paying for alterations, or a different dress as she put on weight.

[TheNaze73]

YANBU in the slightest. She has a bloody cheek expecting you to pay as well.

[StressedOutB2B]

Im don't know how possible alterations will be i will have to get it to a dress maker it's a floor length chiffon dress with a zip at the back I don't have a clue how easy it will be to adjust. It's more her attitude I'm annoyed by. I know it's a sensitive subject gaining weight but she is refusing to even pay for alterations saying as the bride I should foot the bill

We have been friends since we were kids I don't want to fall out over this but I won't just accept the cost. She's always been up and down a lot between a 12 and an 18. The dress is a 14 I'd say it needs a good couple of inches in the back.

[StressedOutB2B]

PurpleDaisies

She picked her dress up last night and came round to mine and tried it on. We weren't in the dress shop.

[PurpleDaisies]

Im don't know how possible alterations will be i will have to get it to a dress maker it's a floor length chiffon dress with a zip at the back.

A good bridal shop will be able to sort that out. I'm told by my friend who works in one that this happens a lot more that you'd think (usually due to people saying they'll go on a diet and not getting to their target size rather than gaining weight)

[PerspicaciaTick]

Give her the option of stepping down from the role of BM.
Would a good set of all over body Spanx help?

[girlywhirly]

She is being unreasonable. Ask her if it was her getting married and paying for the dress, would she reimburse you if you were the bridesmaid and no longer fitted into it? She's just angry because she didn't keep her weight down. If you wanted to be mean you could insist that she pays you for the dress that she has damaged trying to squeeze into it. As it stands, you have an expensive damaged dress that you will need to get repaired and try to sell second hand.

[PurpleDaisies]

Cross posted with you op-I'd go back to the shop with her (or send her in) and ask them to help.

[LazyJournalistsQuoteMN]

Can she get 'control' underwear, they would pull her in a little and maybe the dress could be altered if you get a very good seamstress? Is it possible to get a second hand copy of the dress online, plenty of people sell dresses after weddings

[MollyTwo]

Yanbu the absolute cheek of her! She should be paying for the alterations not you. The fat shaming is just an excuse for her dumping this on you. Who asked her to pile it on when she knew she was going to be a bridesmaid.

[BarbaraofSeville]

Isn't it a huge risk making dresses that cannot be easily altered 3 months in advance, especially with someone whose weight goes up and down?

If she went on a very low calorie diet for the next 2 weeks, plus spanx would it fit? Only half joking.

[BerylStreep]

I think you should offer to have the dress altered if it can be. I would expect something like this shouldn't cost much more than £30, and the dress shop may be able to advise.

It might have been a nice gesture for your friend to offer to pay for the alteration, but if not, I think you should be doing so.

I don't think it is reasonable to pay for a new dress (either of you), so if it can't be altered, then I think she should step down.

I'm confused by the timeline - was it today or yesterday that you got the dresses? Why didn't you all try them on in the shop? Have you spoken to the shop about it?

[Champagneformyrealfriends]

I wouldn't pay it-I think it's bloody cheeky of her to expect you to. I'd tell her she has 3 options-buy her own, step down or find a way of fitting into it in the time frame. If it were me I'd have gone straight on the Atkins diet or a shake one but that's just me.