Friendship group politics...

(10 Posts)
wanderingcloud Mon 04-Jul-16 23:54:55

To set the scene: Group of 6 friends, all have kids of similar ages. Meet up fairly regularly with kids and without.
Everyone was asked if they were free one day to do a specific activity with kids. One of the group says they can't do it due to prior engagement. The rest of us talk generally about doing something together but make no firm plans.

Late on the evening before the day we'd arranged to get together, we change our minds and decide to do something different to the original activity. In the morning the 6th person finds out about the new plans and decides they do want to be part of things and would have preferred this to their prior engagement. This person then turns up (without kids) and proceeds to go on and on mentioning at least four/five times on the day, and subsequently in texts, about not being part of the (completely last minute) arrangements/ how sad they are that their kids missed out.

AIBU to tell her to wind her neck in and stop complaining about not being involved when she specifically said they were busy???

MyKingdomForBrie Mon 04-Jul-16 23:58:57

YANBU, clearly

MintyChops Tue 05-Jul-16 00:01:04

YANBU. Person #6 is a tool. Hope the day was fun despite her moaning. She was either busy or not busy. If she had said she (or her kids) didn't want to do the original activity then maybe you all would have suggested something else then. She has reaped the bitter harvest of not being truthful and I would tell her to be honest in future or shut up with the carping.

Disclaimer: have had a shitty day so my advice could turn violent/unnecessarily vicious!

wanderingcloud Tue 05-Jul-16 00:06:46

It was a great day for the kids despite the moaning grin .

The way this person has harped on about it, I started to question if we had been unfair not keeping her involved in discussions after she said they were busy.

MintyChops Tue 05-Jul-16 00:13:03

If she bleats on about mentions it again just say "If we had known you wanted to do something else you should have said and we could have discussed other activities but you told us you were busy so we counted you out. Next time be honest and we can go from there". now fuck off with your bullshit, you harping, carping, spineless ninny

takingfootoutmouth Tue 05-Jul-16 13:56:32

YANBU some people, like friend #6, just have to be the centre of everything... All the time. Always a flipping victim. They'll never change.
(similar to Minty disclaimed, I've just had a rubbish week with a similar kind of 'friend' so my advice may be a little harsh).
The other 5 could make it, she (and/or her kids) couldn't. She should shut up and grow up... There's always next time, maybe.

TheNaze73 Tue 05-Jul-16 14:54:26

She (no.6) sounds batshit

Zampa Tue 05-Jul-16 15:04:14

I would have kept friend no. 6 in the loop so the they'd know why was going on. It's doesn't take much effort to email/send a text.

However, once it came to light and you'd apologised for not sharing the change of plans (and I think an apology would have been appropriate), no. 6 should have gracefully shut up about it.

CaptainCrunch Tue 05-Jul-16 17:11:31

Yanbu. She clearly didn't fancy the first thing you organised so pretended to be busy but wanted to do the second one and couldn't cope with the fact she'd shot herself in the foot by lying so it's easier to "blame" everyone else for not being included.
You don't owe her any courtesy at all, she'd probably drop you all like a hot brick if she got a better offer for any future arrangements.

BurningBridges Tue 05-Jul-16 17:12:18

So just to be clear, you didn't change the date, just the activity, and person no. 6 had already said they couldn't do the date - in which case that means they are not available at all? Not "oh I am busy unless you do something I really like when I will magically be free".

Unless you had a daytime arrangement and then you changed it to evening?

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