DD's Friend's Mum is Playground Mafia type so AIBU/childish/selfish to act this way?

(7 Posts)
HappyFatty Sun 03-Jul-16 22:01:46

Sorry about all the back story but don't want to drip feed. DC's go to a tiny Village School. DD goes up to high school in Sept and one of her School friends is going to same school. Friend's Mum is part of the Playground Mafia and had never said anything to me before EVER until she found out her PFB was going to same high as DD and asked about DD having a sleepover at the start of half term, DD was really excited so I was badgered into it agreed. Friends Mum was really chatty between asking and the actual the sleepover. After the sleepover DD said her friend's Mum had asked all about what our home life was like, where did we go on holiday, what sort of stuff did we do, do they have expensive toys etc, which I thought was weird but: small village. Anyway, I made a point of asking if we could return the favour and I was told her PFB was busy - I hadn't mentioned a date, I asked when she wasn't going to be busy and was told she'd let me know. That was over a month ago and not heard a peep so that message received loud and clear. Anyway DD tells me now that her friend is being weird with her and has not been very nice to her. She has been placed in a form with this girl. I know DD has made other friends in her form group as they've just been on transition days and she's giddy with it lol. I'm wondering whether IWBU to sort of cool DD's attitude to this girl as she and Mum seem to be really standoffish (that a word?) and DD is really straightforward, kind and friendly and not into mind games at all, so I worry she's going to get mauled by this girls hot/cool friendship. Should I just advise DD to leave her be and make new friends? WWYD?

myownprivateidaho Sun 03-Jul-16 22:09:47

I don't really get why you're assuming this is the mum's doing.
Seems far more likely that the girl has gone off your dd hence not wanting to come to a sleepover. Hurtful for your dd, but not the end of the world. Anyway, since your dd is going into senior school you won't be able to manage her friendships. I'd let her sort it out herself, just stay out of it beyond encouraging her to make friends widely when she starts at the new school.

mlamle Sun 03-Jul-16 22:14:03

I would do exactly that - if she's already made some new buddies at the new school, and her current friend is so much under her mum's influence and being a bit off, then she'd be best placed to find new mates. No need for any histrionics - there'll be a whole new dynamic at the new (presumably much bigger) school, and they'll be two smallish, not well-known fish in a larger pond - which is a good thing!

dayswithaY Sun 03-Jul-16 22:27:40

Avoid at all costs! This mother is cherry picking friends for her daughter and the sleepover was the interview. She probably has someone lined up who she feels is better suited to be BFF to her Princess. I had the same thing with my DD - Queen Bee Mum who had never bothered with me before became ultra chatty and warm when she knew our daughters were going to the same Senior School. Then followed sleepovers, days out etc. I let it happen as I though it would be mutually beneficial. When I saw her at the induction day she could barely say two words to me. Turns out she had met an old acquaintance whose daughter was also starting at the school and we were out and she was in. We have never exchanged a word since. My DD was absolutely fine as she was never that taken with the girl anyway and she has gone onto make lots of friends. I felt more annoyed that I had been taken in by Pushy Mum and wish I had just brushed her off in the beginning like she had previously done to me but lesson learned. Now I just feel sorry for her that she has to socially engineer her child's friendships - good luck with that in the teenage years. You have had a lucky escape and your daughter will go on and make new friends that are just like her.

TrollTheRespawnJeremy Sun 03-Jul-16 22:27:44

Just dont get involved. Whole thing sounds nonsense.

trafalgargal Sun 03-Jul-16 22:39:38

The whole micromanaging of friends by a certain type of parent seems to stop dead for most once they hit year 7 and the playground Mafia ceases to exist as there's no playground parent culture.

Has advantages and disadvantages .

whatamockerywemake Mon 04-Jul-16 00:16:03

don't worry about it. The kids will be exposed to LOADS of other children once they hit year 7, and you (and everyone else) will have no control, will know no parents.... They'll make their own friends.

Just stand back and let it happen. Keep your kid as reasonably as safe as you can (give them a phone) and watch them fly!

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