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AIBU?

AIBU to be fucked off about a free family holiday

40 replies

Ruskyrobins24 · 03/07/2016 18:01

Background to this is my husband works v long hours and is v tired at the mo.

I work 3 days have a toddler and preg with number 2.

Just got back off a holiday with his family. Very generous they paid for fab accommodation for all and were generally wonderful with DD.
However I can't help feeling really resentful to my DH. All holiday he took the view that as his mother was there to help me he didn't need to do anything at all with DD and just hung out with his bros. I got lots of help from his mum which was great, but I felt furious that he was having a nice time whilst I was still doing all the meals, gets ups etc etc etc as per usual (but with extra help granted). I ended up feeling that I was on holiday with his mum as I spent most of my time with her. He only got up once with DD (she is an early riser) and that was under duress. I also feel we never spent any family time together and he never made much effort to play with DD.

AIBU to be annoyed- or should I be thankful for the lovely holiday and happy he got a much needed break....?

OP posts:

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branofthemist · 03/07/2016 18:03

Well you aren't annoyed at your mil. You are rightly annoyed at your dh.

So the fact that it was free doesn't come into it.

Your dh was an arse. Which needs tackling, but I can't understand why you didn't tackle it after the first day of him acting like that.

Ruskyrobins24 · 03/07/2016 18:08

Just didn't want to have a row in front of every one I guess.
I mentioned it to him and made him get up for the morning but no difference to him.
Annoying man!

OP posts:

MollyTwo · 03/07/2016 18:08

Yanbu your DH should have really pitched in too. Ask him where was your downtime too?

RipeningApples · 03/07/2016 18:13

Why didn't you tackle it earlier as above? I suspect some of the issue is that your MIL provided the holiday (which otherwise you wouldn't have had) helped you out and gave you a hand as the non working parent and didn't call out your dh for having a complete break (and may have felt that was fair).

It doesn't really sound that bad to me OP as half a couple who never got a free holiday and whose ILs have regularly invited themselves to ours (including abroad) and have expected to be waited on hand and foot except for when MIL jumps up to do something for DH or DS, and makes a cats bum face when I say "I asked, dh or ds to do that so please sit down, and ds see I your grandma wants something".

Notthebumtroll · 03/07/2016 18:13

Well it's got nothing to do with it being a free holiday- he just didn't pitch in and left you to do all the running. You should have tackled it at the time, it's more difficult to bring something up like that after it's all happened but I do think you need to explain how disappointed you are that he didn't pull his weight.

DeathStare · 03/07/2016 18:14

I think you should book a weekend away for you and Mil leaving your DD with him. Sounds like the two of you deserve a break and he needs to step up.

Stripyhoglets · 03/07/2016 18:15

Day 2 I'd have been booting him out of bed to do the morning routine and making it clear he was to equal shares of meals and childcare. My DH tried the sitting back and acting lie a guest when his brother was here one Christmas. Only once though! You need to say something at the time though.

Artandco · 03/07/2016 18:16

Why didn't you say something after day 1 to him?
Why didn't you book to do stuff also and leave child with him?

WreckingBallsInsideMyHead · 03/07/2016 18:16

You're grateful to your in laws for the holiday and for helping with dd

You're rightly angry with dp for checking out of parenting... Unfortunately you don't get a holiday from your children on a family holiday! You can though take it in turns to have "me time" and include family time with all of you.

Ruskyrobins24 · 03/07/2016 18:17

Ha ha I like that suggestion death stare!

OP posts:

gamerchick · 03/07/2016 18:22

Have you asked him when you get your holiday?

I don't think I could let it drop tbh, it would eat away at me but I would have read him the R act at the time and threatened to go home if he didn't shape up.

MagicMojito · 03/07/2016 18:22

Dh sometimes reverts to being a man child when we go down to visit his parents and it does take a few descreet glares and subtle digs to get him to actually snap out of his "boy being at home with his mum doting on him" bubble and realise that the kids are his responsibility too.
Id be really fucked off if after having a conversation with him, explaining that I wasn't happy being left (albeit with help from mil) to deal with all the grown up stuff whilst he gets to have a good ol Jolly right in front of you.... Fuck me I'd be seething!!

OrlasVelvetBand · 03/07/2016 18:32

Although it's a DH problem mostly, as people have said, there is some significance to the holiday being 'free' imho - far more likely that family culture of inlaws goes if they are paying for the whole thing.

What's DH like at weddings and events with friends, where none of his family of origin are present?

YADNVU you are also working very long hours for your family atm

SmillasSenseOfSnow · 03/07/2016 18:36

gave you a hand as the non working parent

Neither parent in this scenario is a non-working parent.

OrlasVelvetBand · 03/07/2016 18:36

I don't mean that their family culture should be imposed on the holiday, but maybe a bit trickier to address if they're paying

Ruskyrobins24 · 03/07/2016 18:37

Sorry what's YADNVU?

He Is usually really good but he can be lazy too. It's worse with his family- man child is a very good descriptor for it. They all revert to being children and take his mum (and him Me) for granted.
It annoys me that yes he is tired with work, but so am I, which never gets any look in.

OP posts:

HSMMaCM · 03/07/2016 18:40

In his eyes he probably thought that his mother was doing his share, therefore it was done and nothing else for him to do.

Sadly he was wrong.

puglife15 · 03/07/2016 18:44

YANBU

My DH has had the most stressful week at work yet has done more childcare than me this weekend as I was at breaking point looking after a toddler and non sleeping baby.

Also your future holidays won't provide much opportunity for you to relax as it's harder with two young kids.

He was a selfish arse.

DorotheaHomeAlone · 03/07/2016 18:45

Wow. He was being an arse. You should both have had some time off. I'd also be really disappointed that he hadn't wanted to spend anytime with you and your dd if he normally works full time.

Lunar1 · 03/07/2016 18:47

How long were you away for?

Ruskyrobins24 · 03/07/2016 18:49

A week x

OP posts:

OrlasVelvetBand · 03/07/2016 18:49

Sorry Rusky, last post should say YDNBU you are deff not being unreasonable

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Ruskyrobins24 · 03/07/2016 18:50

Ah! Thought it was a new-fangled acronym I didn't know

OP posts:

DeathStare · 03/07/2016 18:55

Rusky I wasn't joking. Actually do it.

Lunar1 · 03/07/2016 18:59

A week!!! I could have understood you not saying anything if it was a long weekend, but you and mil were basically maids for 7 days. You husband is a shit.

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