I'm so upset with dh

(79 Posts)
Namechangenora40 Sun 03-Jul-16 14:00:19

It's my birthday tomorrow but we decided to celebrate yesterday due to kids being at school and him being at work.

I'm 37 weeks pregnant so I know I'm being very hormonal.

On Friday dh picked the kids up from school and took them into town to chose my birthday present. He bought me a scarf and a £10 voucher for SuperDrug. He gave me these on Saturday unwrapped.
The dc were worried and upset as they didn't get me anything. He was literally in town for 20 mins. He said he would take them sainsburys to get me a box of chocolates today.

Today has came, and he's made so many excuses to get out of going, asking me "what do you actually need from sainsburys" making me feel like he doesn't want to go. So I told him not to bother, took myself to the toilet and cried.

I'm so hurt. I made such an effort with his birthday with the little money I have. We bought balloons, cake and everything. I feel like no effort has been put in what so ever. We went for lunch yesterday but I had to go halves. Even though I paid for his birthday meal and Father's Day meal.

I really don't understand why he's been like this, every year he's made such an effort on my birthdays, Xmas and Mother's Day. I felt like a princess last year.

I ended up walking out with the kids and hobbled to town (I have extremely bad spd). I managed to give the kids £10 each so they could buy me something which they loved doing, which he could have easily done on Friday! I texted him if he could pick me up and he said no. So I had to pay for a taxi home as I couldn't physically move from a bench because of my hips.

I'm so angry and hurt. I just wanted to feel appreciated. 😪

mrsfuzzy Sun 03-Jul-16 14:05:57

not hormonal, just feeling badly let down on this occasion, have some flowers and chocolate, he might be acting a bit dopey at the moment, perhaps his hormones are playing up too grin. it'll be different tomorrow on your birthday, have a great day !

Arfarfanarf Sun 03-Jul-16 14:06:20

Tell him that. In those exact words. Ask him why he hasnt made any effort. Ask him what is going on.

Haply birthday for tomorrow. thanks It's not nice feeling like your partner isnt bothered.

londonrach Sun 03-Jul-16 14:06:45

Im very pregnant at the moment and normally dh and i Really do amazing things for each others birthdays but this year it doesnt seem important. Dh got me a cake for my birthday and candles and a very small present for the baby, and his is coming up and ive got nothing for him.?.yet. (I need ideas). When asking him he says its not important this year. I kinda see where you coming from though. Just getting a cake and a card, offering to do bedtime and maybe something from the children. Is it your birthday today? Happy birthday x

Namechangenora40 Sun 03-Jul-16 14:07:44

Thank you. Iv had to spend the £20 my friend have me buying my own presents lol.

It's just reminded me so much of my abusive ex husband who would punish me for "giving him attitude" by refusing to buy me anything from him or the kids, or would take things back to the shop, or break them, because I didn't deserve them.

VimFuego101 Sun 03-Jul-16 14:08:29

YANBU, that's crap. It's not about the money, it's about spending time thinking of something someone would like (even just having the kids make a card or bring you breakfast in bed).

Namechangenora40 Sun 03-Jul-16 14:09:13

I didn't get a cake though. That's the only thing I wanted and what he was going
To go and get today

MessyBun247 Sun 03-Jul-16 14:10:46

Aw OP sad he's being thoughtless.

My brother who was born ON MY BIRTHDAY when I was 8 years old has never even given me a birthday card. Every year I give him a card and a nice present. And he takes it off me and gives nothing in return. Every year. Makes me feel like shit. It's not as if he can forget when my birthday is. But I would feel bad if I didn't give him anything.

Your H should definitely be making more of an effort, especially as you are about to give birth to his child!

RochelleGoyle Sun 03-Jul-16 14:14:03

OP, I am 30 weeks pregnant and probably hormonal too but I think he's been an inconsiderate shit and I feel really cross for you! He's also been unfair on the DC, who clearly wanted to do something for you. And then he wouldn't even give you a lift?! If possible (if you're up to it), I'd try and organise a nice treat for yourself with friends/family - and leave him out if it! cake flowers

londonrach Sun 03-Jul-16 14:14:22

Op..send him to the nearest supermarket with dc for cake. You never know he might have something planned! 😉

Autumnchill Sun 03-Jul-16 14:16:26

YANBU and Happy Birthday. I hope you get your cake cake

I resigned myself to the fact that I always put more into my first husbands birthday than he did for me and breaking point was me saving up on the quiet for three years to take him to Kenya for his 40th and when it came to my birthday despite friends offering to help organise something he just invited everyone round for a kebab.

RochelleGoyle Sun 03-Jul-16 14:17:16

Messy, my adult brother didn't bother to get me a birthday card this year either. In fact he only texted me to say happy birthday at about 8.30pm on the day. Like you, I always get him a present and card and whilst I don't expect gifts from him (he is much younger than me and earns a low wage), I was hurt not to even receive a card!

WorraLiberty Sun 03-Jul-16 14:17:50

It sounds shit but it also sounds weird if he's not normally like this?!

I certainly wouldn't have hobbled into town with the kids, as that's a bit martyr-ish. If the kids are old enough to go to school, they're old enough to make you something nice. Which I'm sure would mean more to you and them than something grabbed from a supermarket anyway.

Happy Birthday for tomorrow, hope it's a much better day thanks

MollyTwo Sun 03-Jul-16 14:18:30

Why did you go into town if you knew you are struggling?

Namechangenora40 Sun 03-Jul-16 14:22:53

Because I didn't want the kids to feel upset about not giving me anything tomorrow.

Namechangenora40 Sun 03-Jul-16 14:24:33

Ds chose me some chocolates, which he always wants to buy people for their birthdays lol

And Dd chose a wax burner and some wax melts. She took her time choosing and really enjoyed it. I sat outside and waited for her. She even had it gift wrapped which she loved too.

WorraLiberty Sun 03-Jul-16 14:24:50

Do the kids never make anything, or do they think presents are all about buying?

You're 37 weeks pregnant with extremely bad spd.

I'm sure the kids would understand if you said you couldn't take them into town. Besides, they have until tomorrow to make you something nice.

Namechangenora40 Sun 03-Jul-16 14:26:42

There isn't anything in the house for them to make? They would need things to make a cake, they made me a card.

ExtraHotLatteToGo Sun 03-Jul-16 14:31:39

I'm not surprised you are hurt & upset.

I'm rather worried that you have replaced your nasty bastard ex H, with someone not too dissimilar. Just because he's better than your ex doesn't mean he's a good man.

WorraLiberty Sun 03-Jul-16 14:32:20

I wasn't suggesting they make a cake Lol

They have between now and tomorrow to make you a little present.

Anyway they've bought them now (or rather you have) so it's done.

Any idea why your DH is acting so out of character?

SecretlycrushingonTomHanks Sun 03-Jul-16 14:35:42

What a shame for you OP flowers and chocolate for you. I'd tell him how you feel and see what he says. He's maybe worrying about the baby coming, is it his first or your first together? Sometimes it can make the menfolk act as silly or even sillier than us wink. On the other hand maybe he's got something really nice planned for you tomorrow and wants to throw you off the scent? He maybe hasn't told DC's incase they blab. In my experience DC's are not good at keeping secrets grin. It was a bit shitty of him to not pick you up though I'd be pulling him up on that. Whatever happens I hope you have a wonderful birthday tomorrow.

Namechangenora40 Sun 03-Jul-16 14:36:38

He's amazing in every other way, cooks daily, cleans etc. I'm just unsure why he's acting different this time. He's completely different to ex h, never raised his voice, treats us all equal but I'm just shocked how upset I am over this. 😪

Namechangenora40 Sun 03-Jul-16 14:37:45

Yeah it's his first baby. We have the date for c section and I know he's starting to panic lol x

GreyHare Sun 03-Jul-16 14:43:47

Does he usually make a big fuss of you on your birthday? I'm only asking because my husbands family don't do birthdays so he doesn't do birthdays, he sometimes tries but usually fails, so I have learnt to lower my expectations as he is amazing at being a husband but just shit at birthdays.

Dutchcourage Sun 03-Jul-16 14:46:23

You are me last week!

I bloody spoilt DH for Father's Day, breakfast in bed, dd carrying his presents in, nice Sunday roast. A week later I got naff all. He has 'forgot' to get me a card s d my present was apparently at work hmm

What really upset me was that I was looking forward to seeing dd (3) come in and hand me a card with her writing scribble and tell me most seriously what it said. I'm 23 weeks pregnant and it really got me blush

I cried in front of him when he brought me a cup of tea up and told him why I was so upset. He felt like a bag of shit. He made up for it later that day when he got his arse in gear and I know it won't happen again.

If he has upset you tell him. Let him know why you are upset and how hurtful it is.

Happy birthday namechange X

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