AIBU to be offended?

(13 Posts)
Albadross Sun 03-Jul-16 12:55:27

Background is I'm in recovery from an eating disorder and struggling with the weight gain. I've been working from home a lot so I'm not physically in the office much.

An older male colleague who is slightly eccentric and has a funny sense of humour, but who I like on the whole and who sits next to me, said "You're usually... <gestures towards my stomach>....You're not - you know - are you?"

I was so busy trying to find a crack in the ground that I didn't feel like explaining that I'm in recovery and the body tends to want to cushion your internal organs first, and that plus the side orders of water retention and wind means my belly is very distended.

Now I feel awkward and embarrassed - I had even expressed to my line manager that I was worried people might comment on my weight gain and of course he told me I was being ridiculous...

kiki22 Sun 03-Jul-16 12:58:40

That's a horrible situation. I would have been upset by it its rude and thoughtless but try not to let it get to you unless you think he was being cruel on purpose if so report him.

I would have told him if it was me not to shock but to give him a reality check on how saying thoughtless things can effect people. He would have been mortified I'm sure and learned a valuable lesson.

DerelictMyBalls Sun 03-Jul-16 13:00:02

What a twattybollocks. YANBU. Good luck with your recovery flowers

Haggisfish Sun 03-Jul-16 13:03:35

Oh dear. Can you ask your line manager to have a quiet word with colleague?

TheNotoriousPMT Sun 03-Jul-16 13:06:02

Yanbu. It is rude as fuck to comment on others' bodies without being invited to, ditto asking if someone is pregnant. However, you say you like the guy, so can you write it off as a nice-but-dim moment? Or explain that you've been ill and its just part of the process of getting better? (and you'd rather not discuss it further, if pressed) Or go back to line manager and get them to get him to stop being so nosy?

The person who should be awkward and embarrassed here is him, not you. Although, if he is quite thick-skinned generally, he may have forgotten the incident already.

Congratulations on your recovery flowers

MatildaTheCat Sun 03-Jul-16 13:06:24

Can you think of a standard reply to use just in case you encounter another twat? Sadly there are plenty around. Something like, ' I've not been well recently but obviously I only discuss my health with my doctor.'

YANBU but might be better to be prepared. flowers

SteviebunsBottrittrundle Sun 03-Jul-16 13:09:20

It is rude as fuck to comment on others' bodies without being invited to, ditto asking if someone is pregnant.

^^this, exactly this. Silly man. I'm sure he had no idea how rude he was being, but if you have any reason at all to believe he did then I would mention it to someone at work.

flowers

GeoffreysGoat Sun 03-Jul-16 13:14:54

"I'm not <pointed glance at beer belly> are you?"

If you've got the gumption not sure if I would congratulations on your recovery flowers

Mouikey Sun 03-Jul-16 13:18:34

I had wls a fair few years back... I lost weight quickly and a person at work who I barely knew asked if I was dying!!!! Seriously!!! Obvs response was, well we are all dying!!! So he then asked if I had cancer and put lots of pressure on me to explain myself (even though I had only ever said hello previously!!).

Sadly people make comments before they think about what they are asking. Be positive and tell him you're getting healthy, beyond that its non of his business!!! Good luck xxx

trafalgargal Sun 03-Jul-16 13:34:48

No I'm not pregnant I have a medical condition that affects how I look ..........would send most people crawling away

Albadross Sun 03-Jul-16 17:12:56

I guess it's like the time when I went to see Alistair Campbell talk about depression, he came up to me afterwards and gave me a disapproving look before saying 'What's with all the ink then?' So I said 'Oh, my tattoos? I got them to cover up all the scars from self-harm'. He did actually slope off in silence. I'd had a drink though so it was a bit easier...

Prawnofthepatriarchy Sun 03-Jul-16 17:18:04

A similar thing happened to me. I said, in a matter of fact way, that I wasn't pregnant, just fat. It had a superb effect: very embarrassed bloke, backtracking as fast as he could. Being really blunt makes the other person realise how rude they've been. grin

Tomselleckhaskindeyes Sun 03-Jul-16 17:23:45

I know it's hard but it sounds like he wasn't being malicious just not thinking. I think it is accentuated for you because of your issues with weight. Please don't let it impede on your recovery. He probably would be mortified if he knew it had such an affect.

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