To be annoyed at my mum telling everyone my business?

(45 Posts)
inarmsofanangel Fri 01-Jul-16 21:29:45

I've just been fast tracked to see a sarcoma specialist for a lump I've had for a long time and am currently anxiously waiting as it's all moving very fast.
I've only told my mum, one of my sisters and one friend so far.
My mum decided to tell all her choir group, her 'bible study' and church group AND some of her family I hardly ever see.
I've not even been diagnosed yet and am finding it a very worrying time as I have 3 children under 7.
I just feel this isn't right. This is my business surely?

Some years ago when I was travelling abroad I got seriously ill with malaria and very nearly lost it and she did exactly the same. These are people I dodn't even know!
She gives the excuse that she's getting them to 'pray' for me ect.

I don't have a close relationship with her but she does help me out practically and I her. Everything somehow turns back to how 'she' is suffering and I feel that both times she has told people (and she starts the tears and everything too) it i for them to feel sorry for her if that makes sense?
I know people will probably come on here saying 'your mum is worried' or she is is upset but I know my mum and I just do not thing this is the case.
Every conversation we have turns back to her so tbh i don't talk in depth to her as |I don't really think she's listening anyway.

Sorry to rant but I just don't need this.

Justmuddlingalong Fri 01-Jul-16 21:34:50

Get support elsewhere. She is making this all about her. Don't tell her anything you wouldn't want people to know. flowers Sending sympathy, I have a mother like this, I tell her absolutely fuck all. I hope your health worries are unfounded.

DonkeyOaty Fri 01-Jul-16 21:37:36

Not her news to tell

Sadly you'll be better off not telling her anything. My mum would and has done the same. So we tell her bugger all now.

It's quite sad because a source of support has to be cut

Best wishes

janethegirl2 Fri 01-Jul-16 21:37:39

I agree, don't tell her stuff if you think she'll tell all her friends and acquaintances unless you feel you need 'prayed for'.

prettywhiteguitar Fri 01-Jul-16 21:40:25

Very familiar here too unfortunately. I think you need to distance yourself physically but also emotionally. I started to treat her like I would a slightly irresponsible child and it got easier.

Okay377 Fri 01-Jul-16 21:40:33

No. YANBU. Different circumstances but I remember when one of my parents passed away as a student and a friend took it upon herself to essentially email everyone I knew at uni. She meant well but that doesn't change the fact that personal information is yours to share. You need to speak to DM and tell her how you feel. flowers hope the appt with the specialist is reassuring OP.

Whatdoesaduckdo Fri 01-Jul-16 21:40:34

Rant away my mother is the same everything is always about how it impacts her I tell her nothing now and I am a happier person for it

Anywho flowers and chocolate for you.

inarmsofanangel Fri 01-Jul-16 21:44:28

Thank you! I'm always scared of posting on AIBU!! haha,
My sisters know her too well also and they think she is very manipulative and I don't stand up to her enough sad (I'm the peacemaker!) grin
I'm glad I'm not the only one with a mum like this!

KC225 Fri 01-Jul-16 22:03:32

My mum is like this, suddenly, the support or confiding aspect is reduced to gossip for her friends or drama that she is the centre of. When I have complained, she says 'But I only told........ I was so worried'

I have long given up thinking that my Mother will not share details of my life with Pat who gets on the 75 at North Road, so I no longer tell her things that I consider private.

Tell your sisters. Tell your mum afterwards, when you are prepared for things to be a little more public. Good luck for your tests. Wishing you all the best.

Sighing Fri 01-Jul-16 22:12:43

YANBU. My mother is very wary to share her own life with strangers but shares absolutely anyone elses with all comers. It's awful, a lack of loyalty/ respect for privacy and the "mememememe" of it all.
Tell her it's driving a wedge etc. Though that has never changed mine. I've drifted far away from confiding. Anything. Hopefully you can impress upon yours where you want the line to be though? She can ask people to pray without detail. My (former) church used to get prayer requests like that all the time. " please pray for X and family as they are facing a hurdle". She could ask that. People to pray for your health even. Some nosey so and so's might dig, but most people would respond with the sympathy she wants (for whatever reason hmm) and not need the ins and outs.

Sighing Fri 01-Jul-16 22:14:24

Plus flowers good luck (with the anxiety and the tiresome situation).

BeckyMcDonald Fri 01-Jul-16 22:14:47

My mum does this. I told her, and only her, about my first pregnancy. She told her mates at church who told their mates then someone I went to school with but hadn't seen for 20 years wrote 'congrats' on my FB. I was six weeks pregnant and hadn't even told my sisters or best friends yet.

I told her about my second pregnancy for medical reasons at 9 weeks but begged her not to tell anyone. She told her best mate and my nana with the excuse 'oh, it was only two people and I was worried about you.' Of course, those two people told everyone they knew.

I didn't bother telling her about pregnancy number 3 till 17 weeks because she just can't keep her mouth shut and I couldn't risk work finding out even though she lives 500 miles away from my workplace.

Trumpette Fri 01-Jul-16 22:19:00

My parents do this too and it has driven a wedge between us. I realise that
I now have to seek support elsewhere and this makes me feel sad.

I wish you all the best, focus on yourself now and do not waste any more energy on your Mum.

HarryPottersMagicWand Fri 01-Jul-16 22:19:55

YANBU. It's your business. Tbh, I'd stop telling her. If she complains she only has herself to blame.

I have a relative like this. She seems to revel in other people's worries so she can get attention. We had a relative who had an accident and was in hospital. She plastered it all over FB with huge posts all about relative. She even took a picture when relative came out from surgery and posted it on. I was fuming. She would regularly start posts with XXX UPDATE ......... It is very tedious. She has done it recently. I ignore the posts because it's just plain attention seeking and she wants all the "oh no, I hope X is ok" etc etc and she will frequently update just to get more sympathetic replies. It's never about the actual person, all about her wanting attention so I get exactly what you mean.

HarryPottersMagicWand Fri 01-Jul-16 22:20:44

Oh and good luck flowers.

Ntinyn Fri 01-Jul-16 22:25:49

Oh gosh, sending you hugs. Know EXACTLY how you feel. YANBU

Doubledeckers Fri 01-Jul-16 22:26:59

Sorry to hear you are having a tough time I hope everything turns out well for for you.

I had this with my mum when we were going through IVF. She was keeping her friend, and others, up to date with our struggles. I'm quite a calm person but I told her she'd gone against my wishes and so I was hurt and angry. I didn't tell her softly, I shouted at her to show how pissed off I was that she was sharing a very trying time that I wanted to keep private.

Katemiddletonsothermum Fri 01-Jul-16 23:16:14

My mother moved in for three weeks after DD was born. She wrote postcards - postcards, so even the fking postie read it (no offence postal workers) - to all her friends outlining all my "lactation problems" . I was furious. But apparently me being cross with her was my fault.

Arfarfanarf Fri 01-Jul-16 23:16:55

I cant stand people like that.
They take your situation and rework it with themselves centre stage and use it to get attention and sympathy.

Arfarfanarf Fri 01-Jul-16 23:18:49

You see it clearly online too.
X horrible thing happened to my sister's friend's cousin who i once saw have a cup of coffee in a cafe in 1986, im so upset

Cue oh poor you thanks thanks you poor thing sad face sad face

Oysterbabe Fri 01-Jul-16 23:21:25

My mum is the same. Her nickname is jungledrums. When I told her I was pregnant I got a congratulations text from my brothers and sister 10 minutes later.
Wishing you a speedy recovery flowers

inarmsofanangel Sat 02-Jul-16 11:26:01

Thank you flowers So glad I'm not the only daughter with a mum like this!
I'm still fuming today!
You are right, next time I'll not tell her anything!!
She's trying to enforce herself to come with me to my consultations too, I'm 36 fgs!
I need to get out of that one fast and right now I'm not sure how.
I've told her I want to go alone and she keeps on saying I 'need' someone there (ie her!)

grr! mothers!

AlwaysDancing1234 Sat 02-Jul-16 11:28:41

My mum does this, drives me loopy. It's partly out of concern for me but she also loves the drama for herself. Hence I've stopped telling her things. Hope you are ok OP flowers

inarmsofanangel Sat 02-Jul-16 11:31:44

Thanks Dancing, yes (she actually went to Drama school!) Definitely that!! grin

PurpleDaisies Sat 02-Jul-16 11:36:16

My mil asked her church to pray for us to have a baby. We had not told anyone we were (unsuccessfully) trying. People kept giving us knowing looks and we couldn't work out why. When it came out it was horrible and almost killed our relationship with her.

You have my sympathies. I'd have a firm chat with her and make it clear she was out of order. Really good luck with your treatment. flowers

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