To hate my husbands job! (Never marry a chef)

[FindingEmo]

I have name changed because I think I outed myself on another thread.

My husband is a self employed Chef. he owns his own business and freelances to cover quiet periods.

The only problem is he is throwing good money after bad with his business, as well as having taken out a substantial loan to set it up. We are so short of money that half our bill payments bounced this morning. We have 2 young children and I'm on maternity leave.

I am due back at work in 2 months but ds1 doesnt get his free playgroup place until jan so it would cost us £8.50p/h for childcare for 2 children and I only earn £7.20 p/h. DH set up his business so I didn't have to go back to work at all but now we are in a massive fucking hole and there seems to be no way out. and to top it all off the hours of a chef are horrific, he is hardly ever home and when he is home he's too tired to do much with the boys. It all feels a bit hopeless at the moment and I'm not sure what to do. I want Dh to quit his business but it seems an awful thing to ask. I really don't know what to do.

[VioletBam]

If he is hardly ever home, why is there no money?

This is the question.

[Tiggeryoubastard]

My friends partner is a chef. He does long hours, but friend does longer hours, he's just left the forces and joined the police, and does longer, less sociable hours (both male hence both described as'he'). They do fine. I think it's the fact your husband seems to be crap at business that's the problem.

[MyKingdomForBrie]

Presumably because his income doesn't yet meet his outgoings! Very normal for new businesses to make a loss for at least the first year or two.

Very difficult - how does he feel? Does he think that profits will be in prospect soon or is the business not going well? Is there any way of you finding a better paid job instead of returning to a low wage? (Probably a stupid question). Could family cover child care for a couple of months?

[Eeeek686]

This sounds incongruous - what is the business? I'm with a chef and it Is tough, but definitely has it's up sides!

After with pp it's poor business planning not cheffing that's your problem, financially at least.

[branofthemist]

I love been married to a chef.

I got plenty of evenings to myself.

Dh has owned two business within the food industry. One does really well and one not so much.

Do either of you know why his business is failing? When did he set it up?

Also this happens to a lot of people with new businesses, not just chefs. Setting up a business often involves a long period of not making a profit. Long hours and not much to show for it.

[VioletBam]

Kingdom Unless he's charging budget prices for lobster and taking out full page ads in the Times, he's not got a reason to be out all the time working but not earning.

The costs of catering are taken into account with the bill he's delivering his clients. Unless people aren't paying...where's the money?

[RB68]

It takes time for businesses to get going - he needs some business advice and or an investor to take some of the pressure off regarding money in the business. There is alot of free and paid for advice available out there as well as alot of grants for small businesses setting up and starting off. He is spending too long on the hamster wheel working his butt off and too short a time managing the actual business and looking at his margins/costs and where he could make good money on say short term promotions.

[FindingEmo]

bran I do enjoy my evenings to myself but with a 2.5yo and 4 month old I find tea time and bed time tough by myself. I loved being married to a chef before having kids and before he started the business.

He started his business a year ago he's not very business minded to be honest. The idea was for me not to go back to work and to do all his paper work etc but a can't afford that at the moment (I can't afford to go back to work either). He's losing money because of all the equipment he needs to buy and for busy events he has to hire. He's making about £2000 profit from his next event but he has to buy £1000 worth of equipment for the event after that. Im Just so sick of direct debits bouncing.

[VioletBam]

Ah. Well there was the big mistake OP. He needed a business loan to buy the equipment....the repayments for that would be less than the cost of hire.

Can he try for a business loan do you think? Or perhaps an auction? There are auctions of ex catering equipment going on all the time.

[LadyCassandra]

I've been there. It's really hard and it almost broke us. I was resentful that I had to go back to work earlier than I wanted to, but we (he) had invested so much in time, money and energy into it that I didn't feel it was my place to tell him to stop.
Eventually I had to, because we literally had no money and he sold the business (at a loss) but the relief for both of us was unbelievable. I don't know if that is an option for you? DH now works for a builder, works a solid 37 hours a week and we are almost over the trauma.
I don't have much advice, sorry but I wanted you to know it can get better

[branofthemist]

How much equipment does he need? How much has he spent so far?

Is he buying brand new? There are lots of sales of catering equipment that comes from restaurants and catering not companies that have gone bust. Has he checked any of those out?

I think he needs to sit down and figure out if this is a realistic business.

What does he do? Is it just catering?

I know several people who have food vans and they all do weddings/ conferences/ events as well. They all did farmers markets and food events at weekends (day time) for ages to make money while they built up the event catering side.

Does he acknowledge he isn't great at business?

[VioletBam]

Bran he's not buying. He's hiring OP says. That's a constant expense which is sucking up their profits.

[branofthemist]

Bran he's not buying. He's hiring OP says. That's a constant expense which is sucking up their profits.

Actually she also said

He's losing money because of all the equipment he needs to buy and for busy events he has to hire.

Equipment he needs to buy and hire.

And

He's making about £2000 profit from his next event but he has to buy £1000 worth of equipment for the event after that

a 50% of his profit on buying equipment.

[HermioneJeanGranger]

So it's not being a chef that's the problem, it's the fact that he's a rubbish business owner?

Why can't he go back to being employed, at least while the DC are so little? He took a big risk going self-employed with such small children, tbh. I assume he was employed once - why did he leave?

[FindingEmo]

He hires some equipment but is looking to buy it. He used to be employed but he's always wanted to own his own business. Tbh I wish he'd just freelance as its flexible and semi decent money. He said last night that he was a failiure at business. I desperately wanted to ask him to stop but he's spent so much time/effort/money on it and it's something he's always wanted that I felt I couldn't.

It's birthday today so dh is carefully sidestepping the issue so he doesn't upset me. He's working in a bit though which sucks. He also had to work 4 days after ds2 was born it was heart breaking.

[TickleMcTickleFace]

How many events is he doing a week though if he's never home? 3-4? That's a potential of £4000 profit even after he's bought/hired his equipment.

[TickleMcTickleFace]

Sorry I've just read the thread again and he's not making £1000 per event. Could he scale back the business so it's just part time and then work for an agency the rest of the time until the children are at school and your more stable financially? Where we are chefs are like gold dust and they get paid quite well with agencies.

[branofthemist]

Honestly, is the business a failure.

Before he sinks £1000 into equipment. When you need money.

He may have put time, effort and money in. But what's the point of continuing to do so, if it's not going to work.

Some people can't run their own business. There is nothing wrong with that.

Dh is a fantastic chef. But business wasn't his forte. Thankfully the job he had before opening his own business taught him a lot. He worked closely with the owners. Even then, his first business wasn't a roaring success.

So he opened the second one that he could do around the first. And took in some agency work where possible to keep money coming in. The sold the first one when the second was turning a profit and needed more time.

I think you both need to sit down and talk this through. Is it really realistic for this to continue. What happens when you are working? Is it possible to keep all this up?

[Dozer]

If he's poor at business and the family finances are in a mess you're doing him no favours by being "supportive" .

He should seek urgent business advice on the viability of his business model; and you should both seek debt advice.

It sounds likely that he will need to go back to being an employee. Could you seek a better paid job? Could he do some of the childcare during the day?

[HermioneJeanGranger]

He needs to decide whether he can realistically run a business and pay the bills. If not, he needs to swallow his pride and go back and get a job.

[downright]

I'm divorced from a chef for all the things you listed

No money
No time
Too much after hours socialising
Stress of having your own business
Didn't do a thing with the kids
Never came on holiday with us.

Eventually he fucked the waitress

[downright]

Oh and ex is £100k in the hole and still throwing good money after bad five years later.

[HermioneJeanGranger]

He needs to decide whether he can realistically run a business and pay the bills. If not, he needs to swallow his pride and go back and get a job.

[FindingEmo]

I'm desperately hoping u will make the decision to pack it in by himself so I don't have to be the bad one.

Down I'm glad it's not just me. Dh loves the kids and spoils them by buying them crap but doesn't play with them at home because he's so tired he just sits on the sofa with them watching films and ds1 is getting a proper telly addict.

If like to think dh wouldn't cheat but he came close after ds1 was born because I had pnd and apparently I was impossible to be around. Since I found out though hes done everything he can to make up for it.

The business was supposed to be for the kids but I think its actually making their lives worse. We can't afford to do anything nice as a family.

He's already taken out a business loan which is crippling us to pay back.

I need to find the courage to tell him to face reality don't I!

[branofthemist]

And what if he doesn't make the decision. And you have to go back to work, you still won't have money as you will be paying back his debt ?

He is a grown man, he has responsibilities and so do you. Rather than trying to avoid being the bad person, try and be the sensible one. Someone needs to open this conversation.

It sounds like he has tried to. He could be saying he is failing to see what you thought. What did you say when he said the business is failing?

Or was he just hoping you would say 'no your not keep going'

At some point, someone needs to be realistic. Sooner rather than later would be best.