To ask your advice on this?

(18 Posts)
MovingInOutOn Thu 30-Jun-16 14:53:49

I'm house sharing next month while also starting a long hours graduate job. Really looking forward to both. One housemate has (v fairly) let us all know now that their dp tends to spend 3 nights a week at theirs so would that be a problem? For various (legitimate) reasons they are unable to stay at their dp's.

I would like to be able to relax at home and I'm sure this will all be fine. Will only really have weekends free but these will be partly taken up with studying. I have said it's completely fine and think it will be, especially as it's a shared house with a few of us so joy just a two and I'll have a life of my own.

What do others think though? I lived in a two prior to this and friends dp was moved in which was NOT okay - but I'm sure that won't happen here

Niloufes Thu 30-Jun-16 15:02:15

I assume you mean "starting from next month" not "for only one month"?

I would say its ok for now but would see how it went. Might want to have a talk about bills too if it became a long term thing.

MovingInOutOn Thu 30-Jun-16 15:05:01

Yeah I think it will be a long-term thing (the boyfriend), yeah sorry the house share will be long-term too ie one year plus.

She's so nice so I have no major concerns, the one thing that niggles though is that our house will be their only base if that makes sense? This is what happened to me before and it was awful. But I don't want to be horrible or cynical. She hasn't mentioned anything about bills or extra rent at all and I'm pretty loath to suggest it.

ExtraHotLatteToGo Thu 30-Jun-16 15:07:47

Thread about a thread per chance 😁

MovingInOutOn Thu 30-Jun-16 15:08:50

No no, this is a real situation happening right now ha

corgiology Thu 30-Jun-16 15:10:03

As long as they aren't too noisy lol

positivity123 Thu 30-Jun-16 15:20:41

I think it is OK but if you share food and stuff make sure he pitches in for things like milk, loo roll and tea.

Bourdic Thu 30-Jun-16 15:39:51

Oh dear - how many bathrooms/loos? 3 nights a week - only and never more? Which nights? It will end in tears IMO

MovingInOutOn Thu 30-Jun-16 15:42:38

Bourdic, we haven't moved in yet. To be fair to housemate they have been open about whole situation. Also, who's to say the rest of us won't meet someone this year. You can never plan these things. As I say only bit I'm less keen on is fact she can't stay at his

I would have no issue with it as long as the rent / bills was proportioned to accommodate this as it really is a kind of subletting, an extra person will mean extra showers / electric / gas / broadband /phone etc. if it works then it could creep up to 4 / 5 /6 full time which may be an issue for the landlord as the house is being rented out to x number of people not x number plus one more. also as PP raised you need to be very clear on expectations of food / bills / rent etc BEFORE it starts so everyone understands the terms on which the arrangement has been agreed. (possibly a written agreement informally) so you can backtrack on the deal if it starts becoming an issue and running outside of the agreement. good luck with your graduate scheme, DS has just started one.

PS: having a proper thought out agreement will make it easier when / if you / other flatmates meet someone and want them to stay over regularly too. think on, if all of you have an extra then its going to be crowded, queues for bathroom, expensive etc so best think it all through for a fair approach from the onset. for example one nighters.... is this ok with everyone? serious partners.... what is the definition of this and how many nights a week are acceptable? can you agree at least one night as a 'partner free zone' so you can socialise together or chill out knowing no random extra will be around? can you agree an extra charge for additional guests to cover the bills etc. if it is not discussed up front it will lead to all kinds of resentments so best get a flip chart paper and brainstorm all the possible benefits, problems and solutions then get everyone to sign up to an informal agreement so you all know where you are from the start.

MovingInOutOn Thu 30-Jun-16 16:40:40

Thanks, these are all great points, but I don't feel comfortable bringing up a list of those things right now blush Gah feel like history is repeating itself though - exact same thing happened to me last year!

user1465823522 Thu 30-Jun-16 17:02:18

I met my best fiend when we hared a house 18 years ago.
She didn;t care who I brought home an likewise I didnt care who stayed with her so long as there was still milk and bacon

user1465823522 Thu 30-Jun-16 17:02:39

*shared

not hared

bloody autocorrect

WipsGlitter Thu 30-Jun-16 17:09:09

I think you will have to talk about it. Three nights will creep up!

Will they stay in her room or take over the sofa canoodling?
What about extra costs?
Bathrooms?

Small resentments can quickly breed.

if you want a contented future then I am afraid it needs to be brought up and discussed and boundaries decided upon. get you big girl pants on and get it sorted or you will be back on here in a few months moaning that friend has boyfriend over all the time and bills are going up, can't get in bathroom, resentment is building and getting in the way of you enjoying your new life. especially as you already have experience of what can happen. grow up and sort it out.

NikiSaintPhalle Thu 30-Jun-16 18:15:18

Exactly what StepAway said. Why are you being so shy about bringing it up? You're the one who is going to have to live with it, and past experience has shown you just how wrong it can go. You clearly don't think it's going to be fine or you wouldn't be posting, so why did you say it was?

Personally, I would say count me out of a houseshare that essentially has an extra person living in without any tenancy/financial responsibilities for almost half the week. And I would be deeply unimpressed with a housemate who 'told' me that her boyfriend was planning to stay over three nights a week. The occasional night is fine, obviously, but she's essentially adding him on a substantial part-time basis to the house share.

MovingInOutOn Thu 30-Jun-16 19:28:08

Everyone else I'm living with seemed chilled so I didn't want to cause tension. I'm a relaxed person and I don't want her to feel uncomfortable. I can just see this escalating though.

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