To let boyfriend stay in room while me and flatmate are away?

(89 Posts)
95percentcompromise Thu 30-Jun-16 00:31:48

Flatmate and boyfriend know each other and get on. We are both away for a week's living back home (students) and flat is empty. He spends about half the week there anyway. Plan is for him to sleep in my room when I'm away technically replacing me. Any issues?

95percentcompromise Thu 30-Jun-16 00:32:17

Sorry that should read:

"We are both away for a few weeks"

apatheticfallacy Thu 30-Jun-16 00:33:06

Ask your flat are - does he cover bulls et whilst he's there for half the time anyway?

apatheticfallacy Thu 30-Jun-16 00:33:15

Flat mate*

95percentcompromise Thu 30-Jun-16 00:36:41

He doesn't but buys food and cooks sometimes. Flatmate is out of country and can't get a quick reply.

sykadelic Thu 30-Jun-16 00:56:07

I don't understand why he'd stay at your apartment when you're not there, so I'd say no. It's not his apartment, he's your guest. He has his own place to stay (I presume).

He'll be wracking up bills that you and your flatmate would then have to share. If he's there half the time he should be chipping in for bills anyway. If he lived there bills would be split 1/3 but as he's only there 1/2 the time perhaps 1/6th and you and flatmate split the rest 50/50?

gamerchick Thu 30-Jun-16 00:59:35

I wouldn't assume you need to ask you flatmate. I personally if he was no bother wouldn't mind because it means the place wasn't empty pickings for burglars but it's really not for us to say.

pinkyredrose Thu 30-Jun-16 01:00:58

How long have you been together? I wouldn't do it if your housemate hasn't ok'd it. Why can't he stay at his placehmm

95percentcompromise Thu 30-Jun-16 01:10:40

His place isn't very nice at all! He doesn't stay all the time but flatmate was starting to get grumpy which is why I wanted to ask on here.

NerrSnerr Thu 30-Jun-16 01:14:22

I'd say no. It could lead to issues if something breaks or goes missing while he's there.

sandy30 Thu 30-Jun-16 01:15:39

If he's there half the week every week he should be properly contributing to bills. Presumably why flatmate is grumpy (plus, does she really want a second flatmate?). I think him staying while you require not even there would be really pushing your luck.

hotdiggedy Thu 30-Jun-16 01:16:04

Why is your flatmate getting grumpy? Because he is there for half the week? I think that would annoy me too. Actually, I know it would!

VimFuego101 Thu 30-Jun-16 01:26:00

Your flat mate is probably tired of him staying there. Does he contribute towards bills and rent when he stays?

gamerchick Thu 30-Jun-16 01:38:27

If she's fed up with him being there then you would be royally pushing boundaries asking what you want to ask and could lose said flatmate of you go ahead without asking.

VioletBam Thu 30-Jun-16 01:40:56

She's grumpy because she is subsidising his power bills and water usage. For every day he is at yours, he is saving money on power.

He needs to not stay there more than once a week.

That's what I did with DH when I shared with my mate and DH was still my boyfriend. DH had one night a week at mine AND he used to buy food and wine and just leave it in the fridge.

Lunar1 Thu 30-Jun-16 01:45:34

She is already annoyed so obviously it would be unreasonable to do this!

Nocabbageinmyeye Thu 30-Jun-16 01:46:41

Yabu this is not ok, if his place isn't nice then touch he should move, he'll provide food and cook - for himself? isn't he marvellous confused what about the utilities he runs up, her privacy? No sorry this is not ok at all

Nocabbageinmyeye Thu 30-Jun-16 01:47:31

Tough he should move not touch

goddessofsmallthings Thu 30-Jun-16 02:06:05

Any issues?

Only that you and your boyfriend are royally taking the piss out of your flatmate.

Of course it's not OK for him to stay at your place while you're both away and it's not OK for him to spend half the week racking up bills that she shares equally with you.

If he has the keys to your flat be sure to get them off him before you go home and make it clear to him that on your return he won't be staying more than one night a week at yours - and that one night doesn't mean he can turn up Saturday morning and clutter the place up until Sunday evening.

Glastokitty Thu 30-Jun-16 03:01:10

YABU, and royally taking the piss out of your flatmate. Your BF should not be there have the week without paying his share of the bills, and he certainly shouldn't be staying when you aren't even there. I had a flat mate like you once, the arrangement didn't last long, and we did not remain friends.

KoalaDownUnder Thu 30-Jun-16 03:30:30

No way!

It's her home too, full of her things, and she pays the bills. He doesn't get to stay there without her permission, while neither you or she are even there, 'replacing you'! That's not how it works.

You'd be totally taking the piss to do this. Please don't.

JustHavinABreak Thu 30-Jun-16 04:40:18

All depends on how your flatmate feels about the situation. They may get on well but if she's already fed up with having a non-paying lodger half the time then you can't even consider letting him stay when neither of you are there. That's her home and having your bf there is just an invasion.

AnyFucker Thu 30-Jun-16 04:51:57

You sound like a piece of work coming on here to try and get strangers to validate your shitty ideas, tbh

myownprivateidaho Thu 30-Jun-16 04:59:28

I think it's ok to ask, but that you shouldn't without asking.

IamtheDevilsAvocado Thu 30-Jun-16 04:59:51

If you're keen to do this.. ASK your flatmate before agreeing anything with boyfriend..

She may be ok with it.. It would mean you would be less likely to be burgled.. Esp if it's in a 'studenty' .....so you could try to 'sell' the idea as your boyfriend house- sitting. AND if you suggest that he covers the lions share of utilities.. If it's going to be thro the summer...I would actually say you will check meters at beginning and end and pay these costs... I think anything else would be a bit cheeky....

I think also it comes down to how trustworthy he is and how tolerant your flatmate is..... If she's already pissed off it will make it more difficult! If you're going to continue sharing... Esp if he is there so much he really ought to be contributing to utilities... Your flatmate presumably signed up to share with you... It can feel very awkward when someone more or less moves their boy/girlfriend in...

BTW I've actually done this house sitting arrangements thru holidays from both sides... It worked at very well... One side has a nice place to stay for a few weeks, and the other side a secure place while they were away!

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