To build the fence?

(16 Posts)
YourNewspaperIsShit Wed 29-Jun-16 22:05:29

NC because I became super recognisable from my previous posts, not new to AIBU.

My garden has a 7-8ft fence one side (and round the back) and like a 2ft fence on the other. As well as looking lopsided, my dog is huge and built for jumping.... Since he realised he could get over easily he will not stay in our garden and now I can't let him out there unleashed.

Neighbours behind the 7ft side I never speak to so that's fine, the neighbours behind the 2ft side are absolutely lovely, my DC likes to play with their DC and they like to talk over the fence etc.

The problem is, they have 2ft on both sides of their garden and it looks intentional, they have decor on top etc. My garden is a state and I'm about to get it completely done over and would absolutely prefer the high fence all the way around confused

I have HF Autism and having to interact with anyone (no matter how lovely they are) is so stressful for me and I can't use my garden if I don't feel it is private. I also don't want the interactions of DC's on both sides asking to go in each other's gardens/houses every time we're out there (I will never be able to have their DC over and their DC ask me why they aren't invited sad)

When my dog kept escaping they suggested they were going to put like a pretty wire trellis or something to increase the height, to them it's the perfect compromise but they don't know about my condition and I really don't want to tell them.

I also don't want to ruin the only decent relationship with a neighbour I've ever had in my life. AIBU to build the fence?

I really want the fence there. They have a lovely garden and my big ugly fence will ruin it/be very rude and antisocial.

(If my neighbour sees this and recognises the situation I'm sorry it really isn't personal at all).

Bambinho Wed 29-Jun-16 22:14:23

Just blame the dog and tell them you need a high fence to keep him in, it's mainly true anyway isn't it. I couldn't stand having to speak to neighbours every time i went in the garden, call me unsociable but I like my garden being a private space.

BaboonBottom Wed 29-Jun-16 22:17:48

Blame the dog, "I wouldn't want him to damage your plants if he tried" my old garden was like that. I hated it, I was so self conscious everytime I went out there. Sometimes I just want to go out in my pyjamas with bed hair, odd shoes, not talk to anyone and just hang the washing out.

whois Wed 29-Jun-16 22:19:48

Agree with he PPs. Just blame it on the dog!

EveOnline2016 Wed 29-Jun-16 22:23:12

Just build the fence.

RubbleBubble00 Wed 29-Jun-16 22:55:37

As long as you go and explain that you are having the garden done with a nice new high fence to keep the dog in then I can't see the problem

It's not going to stop dc talking even if it's a solid 7ft job. Mine still chat to each other by shouting over or they will just ring the doorbell

YourNewspaperIsShit Thu 30-Jun-16 00:00:16

Thanks for your replies, I'm not sure how to explain that I'd rather have the privacy fence than the suggested trellis? Because that would keep my dog out for sure and is the never option to match their garden so really I don't have a reason to say why that isn't enough for me confused

YourNewspaperIsShit Thu 30-Jun-16 00:00:42

*nicer not never lol

whatamockerywemake Thu 30-Jun-16 00:04:08

in my experience, explaining something first (even if the explanation isn't 100% honest) goes a LONG way to smoothing the path. And it IS your garden and your choice.

Can you build in a gate or a swinging fence panel for the DC which is dog-proof but still respects your boundaries?

shadowfax07 Thu 30-Jun-16 00:12:05

I'd suggest explaining to them that you're worried about your dog either pushing the trellis over, or by trying to jump through it, and damaging both the trellis and the plants, and you'd prefer a solid fence to a hurt dog and the vets fees.

YourNewspaperIsShit Thu 30-Jun-16 00:26:44

Ohh I like that Shadow as my dog is very well known for being a dopey idiot so totally feasible

justilou Thu 30-Jun-16 12:27:08

Explain that you are worried that the dog is big enough to knock through a trellis and that you are worried that it would end up being more expensive than a proper fence. If you are worried about the kids not being able to play, etc.... Get a fence with a gate. Obviously discuss this with your neighbors too.

RaptorInaPorkPieHat Thu 30-Jun-16 12:30:44

Trellis won't be sturdy enough and you don't want them to spend money just for your dog to wreck it.

You can always say they can put trellis on their side of the fence (not on top!) so they can grow climbers up it.

RaptorInaPorkPieHat Thu 30-Jun-16 12:35:40

And don't put a gate in. If they sell down the line you may end up with new neighbours thinking they have right of way or something.

blueskywithclouds Thu 30-Jun-16 12:42:07

I would get stressed about this too. I totally agree that you should say the trellis wouldn't hold your dog back. The first thing I thought was a trellis is too dainty to be used as a fence! Is the fence that side your responsibility? Does it have to be a 7ft fence? Could you bare for it to be any lower? Mine is 6ft and I can't see over it. You have the right to do as you please though, but I totally understand wanting to maintain a good relationship.

Mcchickenbb41 Thu 30-Jun-16 12:53:14

You sound like such a thoughtful neighbour why don't you try and explain to them the way you have on hear. Missing out your autism if that's what you prefer. But emphasis your concerns about your dog. Years ago in a differant house I had lovely neighbours, our children played together but our dog kept jumping over which was their fence. It scared their youngest child so we asked if they minded us putting up a bigger fence at our expense ( wasn't cheap as huge garden ) they didn't mind at all. I explained it wasn't to keep interaction with them out but to keep our dog in.

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