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AIBU?

10yo dd and my make up

55 replies

ditavonteesed · 28/06/2016 09:13

grrr, I am fed up of having the same argument time and time again. 10yo dd lacks in confidence which we are working on and she is loads better. However she started nicking my makeup a couple of years ago and every time she promises she will never do it again. I bought her her own suitable subtle makeup to wear at weekends if she wants but still she nicks mine. So at the weekend I decided at 42 that maybe it was time I learned how to do foundation, on the way to school I noticed that dd has a slightly orange tinge to her complexion, I made her wash her face when we got to school and have left her quite upset as she can;t bear being told off, this is pretty much the only naughty thing she ever does. I explained to her that if you don;t want to get told off you don;t repeatedly do the thing that you have been told not to. She used my eyeliner last night and swore to me not 12 hours ago that she would not do it again. Short of getting a safe to keep my make up in I don;t know what else to do. So am I being too harsh? She worships zoella and spends weekends playing around with make up which I have no problem with (in fact she does it better than me) but I just want her to stop nicking my makeup and trying to get one over on me and wear it to school. I don;t mind makeup I don't see it as a big evil, it is something fun to mess around with. So any tips for the big conversation about stealing and trust and 10yos not wearing makeup to school which is going to happen tonight?

OP posts:

Report

titchy · 28/06/2016 09:15

Take hers away until she can be trusted not to use yours?

MrsJayy · 28/06/2016 09:16

Dd if you touch my make up again you will be banned from watching zoella for a month and mean it

MrsJayy · 28/06/2016 09:17

4oh yeah and take hers where do you keep your make up

ditavonteesed · 28/06/2016 09:19

I like it, simple but probably the most effective, I hadn't even thought of that my make up is just in the bathroom.

OP posts:

HermioneJeanGranger · 28/06/2016 09:23

Just lock your make-up in a drawer. I don't understand why you keep leaving it around for her to use when telling her not to doesn't make a difference?

Yes, you could punish her, but by the sounds of it, she'll still take it, so why not just stop her from taking it in the first place?

MrsJayy · 28/06/2016 09:24

Move it put it away in your bedroom she is taking the piss you dont need to argue or discuss it with her just deal with it be proactive she does x then you will bloody well do y

ditavonteesed · 28/06/2016 09:26

I don't have anywhere that locks in the house. Also probably naively I want to be able to trust her, this is honestly the only thing she ever does that is naughty. But point taken.

OP posts:

ditavonteesed · 28/06/2016 09:27

actually I have a small case I could padlock.

OP posts:

NeedACleverNN · 28/06/2016 09:28

Tbh she sounds like she has a dreadful confidence and make up helps boost it ever so slightly

It's not ideal she's pinching your makeup or that she's 10 but could you not show her how to do minimal basic make up as a form of compromise?

No more touching my make up but you can wear this when you need to. I will show you how to apply it so it looks natural and you still have a make up face on?

I suffered awful confidence issues so I know where she's coming from. If make up helped me then I would be continuing using it despite being told not to

SaucyJack · 28/06/2016 09:30

I disagree with Hermione actually.

She's 10, not 2. At that age you ought to be able to leave your own stuff in the bathroom without having to lock it away.

You just have to keep going on until they learn to respect your stuff. It was a long process with my oldest too.

puglife15 · 28/06/2016 09:31

I'd do the classic "how to talk so kids will listen" tactic. If you're not familiar with it, along these lines:

Sit down with her at a time when she's not just nicked your stuff with paper and pen. No telly or mobile.

Say "DD, I want us to come up with a solution to you taking my make up. When you take it it makes me feel like you don't respect my property. You like using my make up though and wearing it to school. So I want us to come up with a solution that works for us both. I'm going to write all our ideas down then we'll choose one."

You then start the ball rolling... Could include lock up all the make up, agree dd can use it on weekends if she asks first, buy a tinted lip balm she can wear to school... Let her contribute as much as poss. Write everything down both she and you say, even if it's never gonna happen. Then eliminate the less suitable ones one at a time explaining why, let her eliminate ones she doesn't like, and then maybe of two or three ok ones let her choose which one(s) you'll agree on.

puglife15 · 28/06/2016 09:34

... The idea being she will feel listened to, and because she has helped come up with the answer is much more likely to stick to it.

HermioneJeanGranger · 28/06/2016 09:34

Yeah, but OP has told her off numerous times and it hasn't changed. All that's happened is the DD is using the make-up and OP is getting pissed off about it.

Locking away the make-up will a) stop the DD from taking it and B) stop the OP getting pissed off 'cause her stuff gets ruined.

Can you not buy her some child-friendly cheap make-up and teach her how to use it? Natural collection do really cheap make-up and it shouldn't damage her skin too much.

In our house, everything left in communal bathrooms is a free-for-all. If you don't want expensive things to be used by other people, you keep it in your own room.

SaucyJack · 28/06/2016 09:36

The OP has already said that her DD has her own make-up.

I appreciate that in your house everything in the bathroom is a free-for-all, but in mine (and the OP's by the sounds of it) they each have their own stuff.

It isn't beyond the grasp of a 10 year old to respect other people's property. It just needs a lot of reinforcing sometimes.

ditavonteesed · 28/06/2016 09:40

pug life, I like that idea, I really don;t want to upset her because at the end of the day it's make up not something important but your right it makes me feel like she doesn;t respect my stuff. Also she is perfect and I hate the fact that she thinks she needs this stuff to make her acceptable, to me that goes into a different territory than using make up for fun.
She already has some natural collection stuff but maybe I could go through it with her and see what she actually wants.
She has bad excema and is very conscious of her skin.

OP posts:

Mouikey · 28/06/2016 09:40

I have a lockable make up case - one for beauticians (I have far too much). Could you get one of them for yours and one for hers. Will make her feel grown up and responsible (and its similar to yours), but also means you can lock yours away!!! Don't get the same type though as they locks might be the same!!

HermioneJeanGranger · 28/06/2016 09:43

Well no, of course a 10yo should respect other people's property and if the OP is happy to have her stuff taken/used on a daily basis while she teaches that lesson, that's her choice.

But I would say there's a simple solution that doesn't have to involve everyone getting annoyed and upset. OP buys make-up that lives in the bathroom and everyone can use it. If you don't want other people using your stuff, lock it away.

OP is getting irritated because her stuff isn't respected/is used without her permission, so why not get rid of the whole problem by buying a make-up box and locking it? DD can't nick her stuff, OP's stuff gets respected - why the need to do anything more complex/drawn-out than that?

MyMurphy · 28/06/2016 09:44

Awww, bless her. Poor thing is obviously very self conscious. Are they picking on her in school at all? I would have some beauty/ makeup sessions with her. Maybe get her a very good concealer and something to calm down the redness? Teach her how to use it. Does she see a dermatologist? They would give advice. Good luck xxx

WorraLiberty · 28/06/2016 09:52

If she's repeatedly disobedient, you need to punish her.

I really don;t want to upset her because at the end of the day it's make up not something important but your right it makes me feel like she doesn;t respect my stuff.

It's nothing do do with 'it's make up' now. It's more to do with the fact she's not doing as she's told.

user1465823522 · 28/06/2016 09:54

I think you maybe need to address her confidence issues and the reasons why she is constantly flouting this rule before you berate her for it.

MrsJayy · 28/06/2016 09:55

What worraliberty said she isnt doing what she is told/asked she has make up she wants yours too

MrsJayy · 28/06/2016 09:58

If she is watching you tube tutorials they use proper make up you think she is far to young for proper make up she thinks bugger mummy im using it

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puglife15 · 28/06/2016 10:00

But there's clearly an underlying reason why she's doing this, it sounds like she's otherwise very well behaved and not disobedient so she must be feeling desperate on some level. The approach I suggested is likely to unearth her real motivation and underlying issue. Tackle the cause, not the symptom.

SaucyJack · 28/06/2016 10:01

I guess I just think teaching a kid of that age the principle that they can't help themselves to other people's stuff without permission is a battle worth having Hermione.

Each to their own tho.

WorraLiberty · 28/06/2016 10:08

But there's clearly an underlying reason why she's doing this, it sounds like she's otherwise very well behaved and not disobedient so she must be feeling desperate on some level. The approach I suggested is likely to unearth her real motivation and underlying issue. Tackle the cause, not the symptom.

The OP said she's been stealing her makeup for years.

Perhaps the underlying issue is simply that she likes her Mum's makeup more/it's more expensive/it saves her own running out.

That was my 'underlying issue' when I used to drive my sister mad by stealing hers. Except I was a teenager.

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