to feel guilty about being signed off work with depression

[echelon]

Suffer with cyclothymia and severe anxiety. When it's bad it's horrendous.
Had a mental breakdown mid-May and was given Citalopram, the first 2 weeks were horrific. Wanted to die every day. Had hallucinations, paranoia, couldn't stop crying. Referred for counselling. Assessed by the crisis team. Family visited to look after me.
Was signed off for 2 weeks.

Meds started working, the clouds started to lift, I went back to work for 10 days. My manager and colleagues have been nice about it.

This weekend "the black dog" came back with a vengeance. This morning I woke up sobbing and scared. Not sure what of.
Phoned in sick again.
Doctors later.

My manager and colleagues are so understanding and nice about it. But I feel so bad.
They're being left in the lurch because of me. The doctor will want to sign me off again so that's another 2 weeks of me not being at my job to help them and they're now going to be short staffed.

DH and my family says not to worry and concentrate on getting better.
But I'm a natural worrier and I feel so so bad about letting people down.
I hate myself

[Thebewilderbeest]

Just focus on getting better. If your manager and colleagues are decent and compassionate people they will just want you to recover. Worrying yourself even more over work isn't going to help you.
Mental illness is so tough, but you can get through it. If in doubt tell yourself this Dr Seuss quote - 'The people that matter won't mind, and the people that mind don't matter'
Get well soon

[WreckingBallsInsideMyHead]

In the long run, your work will be better for you taking the time to heal and returning healthy.

Take care of yourself, remember that guilt is another trick of the black dog, and don't listen to ir

[Stanky]

I hope that you feel better soon. I wish that my work was as nice and understanding as yours. People have been disciplined for having time off for cancer treatments, and my doctors would never sign me off work, even though I suffer with depression. Please don't feel guilty, you need time to get better, and be thankful that you have such wonderful colleagues who truly care about you.

[auldspinster]

Been there and tried to get back to work too early, yadnbu, they'll want to you back well, be kind to yourself .

[MardAsSnails]

The guilt is part of your depression. As you start to get through the other side, you'll realise you needed that time, and even if they were short staffed, they needed you to have that time they need you to be well.

Hope the fog clears soon and takes mine with it

[eggpoacher]

Two weeks is nothing because all you will feel is guilt and you'll never completely switch off. You sound like you need more time.

[McButtonwillow]

It really doesn't sound like you had enough time off initially, 2 weeks is nothing.

Take the time you need to recover- no one is indispensable, your workplace will manage just fine without you and I'm sure would prefer you took the time you need to get better.

[Masketti]

Of course you feel this way - you have depression! It's not going to go away in 2 weeks so please give yourself a break! It's great that the meds have had an impact but these things take time so try to go easy on yourself and don't rush back. Crashing again by returning too early won't do you or your work any good. When you go back you want to stay back for your own wellbeing so take it easy and get yourself well