To want to challenge my mil on differential treatment of her grandchildren?

(34 Posts)
Iwishiwasatomato Sun 26-Jun-16 21:59:53

Ok - new on here so please bear with me!
just need a reality check on something that has really hurt me but I need some advice on whether I am blowing this out of proportion.....
My lovely hubby has one elder brother. We have a DS 21 and DD 18. My DN turned 18 last week and also have a DN 16.
I am fairly close to MIL - had ups and downs over the years but since FIL died two years ago lovely hubby and I have helped an awful lot.
For my DS 18th he was given £50, My DD was given a pair of gold sleepers (used) as they had 'sentimental value'......
A few weeks ago, my MIL was chatting about DN's upcoming birthday. She initiated the conversation and told me that she would be giving him £50 as she 'wanted all her grandchildren to be treated the same'.
Have just got back from DN's party (which was lovely) but my nephew told me that grandma had given him £100.
I am really upset. Please don't get me wrong, it is NOT the money - it is the fact she blatantly lied to me that I am most upset about.
Question us - do I call her on it? Part of me wants to ask in a reasonable way why she felt the need to lie - the other part thinks just let it go.
Hubby is leaving it to me.
Help.

Only1scoop Sun 26-Jun-16 22:03:16

No you say nothing

It was a gift

Whatslovegottodo Sun 26-Jun-16 22:03:27

It is a bit shit but she may of done other things for your DC so it all works out evenly. Or she feels your DC are more privileged in other ways perhaps? Or your DN could of been winding you up? Or she could of done it maliciously for some reason.
Whatever the reason it is her money and her choice and if her own son doesn't want to say anything then you need to leave her to it.

Griphook Sun 26-Jun-16 22:05:52

No ask her, my man once gave my brother £100.00 for xmas and me £50. I would have felt better if I known someone was in my corner

WellDoYaPunks Sun 26-Jun-16 22:06:15

It's her money, she can do what she likes, sorry

NerrSnerr Sun 26-Jun-16 22:08:58

It's her gift to give. Even if it seems unfair it's her choice what she does.

Iwishiwasatomato Sun 26-Jun-16 22:10:03

No - he wasn't winding me up, he is lovely.
Quite agree that it is her money and she is perfectly free to spend it how she chooses. It is the fact that she pointedly initiated a conversation and told an untruth. Hey ho I'll take anything else she says with a pinch of salt!

WorraLiberty Sun 26-Jun-16 22:11:33

So it's firmly a lie, rather than her changing her mind?

Iwishiwasatomato Sun 26-Jun-16 22:12:06

Forgot to say - thanks for the advice x

Iwishiwasatomato Sun 26-Jun-16 22:14:09

Worraliberty - it does feel like that. She has had ample opportunity to say she changed her mind and she was so vociferous that she treated everyone equally. Just puzzled I guess!

Squiff85 Sun 26-Jun-16 22:15:21

I agree with you, yes its a gift but really poor form to treat grandkids differently. I would be upset too

SaucyJack Sun 26-Jun-16 22:19:05

No, you can't say anything.

It's shitty of her, but it is her money and she can absolutely spend it on what she chooses.

And she's under no obligation to be honest with you either.

Draw a line, move on :-)

WellDoYaPunks Sun 26-Jun-16 22:20:55

Is there any chance she forgot how much she gave dd?

puglife15 Sun 26-Jun-16 22:21:45

Just be glad the kids don't know (assuming they don't)

Out2pasture Sun 26-Jun-16 22:24:03

Say nothing the original 50 may have been topped up from another source (your SIL or BIL)especially if it was cash in a card.

BackforGood Sun 26-Jun-16 22:25:15

I don't get why she told you what she was giving - its just not something you discuss, normally.

That said, if she did randomly come out with it, why didn't you say at the time " well, you didn't give ds and dd the same - totally up to you of course, what you give, but as you are making a public point about it........"

Birdsgottafly Sun 26-Jun-16 22:25:50

If you think about it, the first Grandchildren always get more than the subsequent ones.

Have you told your DN not to tell your children? If not, won't they find out?

If they do, leave them to confront their Nan.

If your DH won't ask, then if you can, let it go.

Personally, I'd have to ask.

DeathStare Sun 26-Jun-16 22:27:26

I would say something but quite casually....

"DN says he's going to buy X with the money you gave him. Isn't that lovely? £100 is such a generous gift"

And then see what she says!

OpheliaHamlet Sun 26-Jun-16 22:39:17

Peoples financial situations fluctuate - is it possible she just has a bit more cash to give at moment than she did at previous birthdays?

wiltingfast Sun 26-Jun-16 22:45:40

Look, it could be a simple error.

Or maybe someone topped it up

Or maybe she had a change of heart for some reason.

Whatever it is I really wouldn't mention it. The risk of souring things is huge. And for what? £50? Life isn't fair sometimes, kids have to learn that too.

And it really could be an error, a lady at work was in a flutter recently cause she had done that v thing. Gave the wrong envelope or something and of course you can't ask for it back!

Iwishiwasatomato Sun 26-Jun-16 22:45:52

Thanks again for all the responses. Yup- I should let it go. My children don't know and will not find out from me.
She won't have forgotten - she writes details if every gift she gives in a little book (odd I know). I didn't mention the differential gifts for my two as fIL's anniversary had just happened and I just thought hey ho.
Not sure why she actually raised the original conversation but who can explain the human mind!
Feeling less upset now (wine has helped) but think I will go with deathstare's suggestion!

Only1scoop Sun 26-Jun-16 22:49:17

I'm cringing at Death Stares suggestion

I'd just remember but leave it.

ForeverBubblegum Sun 26-Jun-16 22:50:12

If your DN has two sets of grandparents then he might have been referring to his other grandmother. I know it’s natural to assume that he would be making conversation about someone you both know but at 18 an amount of money with three figures can seem quite momentous so could have seemed news worthy to him.

ANiceSliceOfCake Sun 26-Jun-16 22:52:09

Smaller amounts but every year i forget if I put £10 or £20 in a card for mu nephews. I hope they just don't notice.

EweAreHere Sun 26-Jun-16 22:52:15

If you decide to follow up with her, have your husband do it. It's his mother. Let her explain the rationale behind the different treatment; she clearly felt the need to lie about it, so it should be interesting...

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