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AIBU?

To think he shouldn't have been allowed more food?

85 replies

FedupofbeingtoldIcantusemyname · 25/06/2016 22:05

Round at the in laws for dinner with Dss and DP.

Dss refused to eat all his dinner so was told he couldn't have pudding. He made a half hearted attempt to eat more, when told this, but eventually gave up due to being 'too full'.

Was allowed to have pudding anyway as he did attempt to eat more but was told he could not have anything later as he did not finish his dinner.

Come almost bedtime, Dss starts asking for more food. DP told him no as he hadn't eaten all his dinner but he was overuled by DGM who said he couldn't be allowed to go to bed hungry.

Aibu to think she should have gone with what DP said or was she right?

OP posts:
sonlypuppyfat · 25/06/2016 22:10

I watched a TV programme once with a very old nanny who had worked forever and they asked her about this sort of thing and she said pudding was part of your dinner and shouldn't be used as a bribe, perhaps he wasn't enjoying his meal

Rumpelstiltskin143 · 25/06/2016 22:11

Yes she was wrong, but keep out if it. Let your husband tell her where to go.

iammamam · 25/06/2016 22:12

^thats what we do, it's part of the meal

I let mine eat as much or as little as they want, no ones starved yet Grin

But the point is not the food is it, its grandparents ignoring what you say and doing what they want, for being annoyed at that YANBU

lolalament · 25/06/2016 22:12

You're trying to train the kid that if you eat more, you get more. You should be trying to train it that you only eat when you're hungry, unless you actually want a fat kid.

Abinob · 25/06/2016 22:13

Presu manly you don't usually have dinner there so it doesn't really matter.
I wouldn't let a kid go to bed hungry if they were asking for food though personally.

MsJamieFraser · 25/06/2016 22:13

yabu, he was having his supper, so wasn't hungry then, but he was hungry near bedtime, children's hunger is hit and miss and tbh I would not be using food as a punishment

WorraLiberty · 25/06/2016 22:15

I don't think anyone should have to go to bed hungry.

Whilst I would draw the line at a child taking one mouthful and then declaring they've had enough - then deciding they're hungry half an hour later, he did actually attempt to eat his dinner but he simply couldn't.

Sometimes I don't want to eat a full meal either, so I'll eat as much as I can (as he did), have a bit of dessert and then I'm full.

I might need a bit of toast before bed though.

PatriciaHolm · 25/06/2016 22:16

If he's hungry, I would give him something. But it would be boring but filling, like toast or a banana. No biscuits!

Artandco · 25/06/2016 22:17

I would have let them also. Here food is food, nothing is given on a basis of what you did or didn't eat earlier. If hungry they eat

ChishandFips33 · 25/06/2016 22:18

I don't see this being about food/hunger but read it as DSS using the situation to gain control - possibly recognising that at DGM's he can 'win' and play adults against each other

His old is he?
Does he normally respect boundaries at home?

Amy214 · 25/06/2016 22:20

I personally couldn't let my dd go to bed hungry, i think its cruel IMO

FedupofbeingtoldIcantusemyname · 25/06/2016 22:20

He really didn't eat much though before declaring he was 'full' a couple of mouthfuls (this is very normal for him). There was not even a 2hr gap between dinner and when he was claiming to be hungry.

Fwiw Dss is a big food refuser and it is very common for him to refuse to eat because he just 'doesn't like' something that day eg; refusing to eat a ham sandwich that DP bought him even though he likes ham normally, asked for it and will usually eat it.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 25/06/2016 22:23

I ate like a sparrow as a child and a teenager.

Small amounts and often.

It took my Mum quite a while to realise this, and eventually back off and stop causing food battles.

Amy214 · 25/06/2016 22:23

Kids are like that though. My dd is exactly the same which is why i ask her to choose what she wants, that way i tell her you chose it so you need to eat it Grin works everytime

dementedpixie · 25/06/2016 22:23

Why should he need to eat all his dinner? An attempt is sufficient here and pudding is available anyway.

FedupofbeingtoldIcantusemyname · 25/06/2016 22:28

He wasn't required to eat all of it pixie, just make a decent attempt at it. He was served a small portion anyway and then didn't even eat half of it and that was after his second attempt. 3 bites of dinner so that you are allowed to have cake/whatever pudding is isn't a proper dinner IMO.

OP posts:
elephantoverthehill · 25/06/2016 22:29

I don't know how old your ds is, but I've often thought that my Dcs couldn't actually recognise the difference between tired and hungry. It is like they know they want something but they're not quite sure what. I think adults do it too, e.g. go for the sugar rush or a coffee when in an ideal world we should just have a power nap.

Griphook · 25/06/2016 22:29

I was and to some extend still am a food refuser, no amount of bribery or encouraging would get me to eat. Give up and save yourself the heart ache. He will work it out eventually.

NarkyKnockers · 25/06/2016 22:29

Why not just let the child eat what he wanted of his dinner without the threats?

puglife15 · 25/06/2016 22:31

YABU, assuming he's not in his twenties!

My son started overeating because his childminder wouldn't let him have pudding until he'd eaten most of his dinner (and gave him big portions), unbeknownst to me. What he needed was little and often. It's taken us over a year to start to sort it out and we still have some way to go.

Now, we often give him his pudding alongside his main course (usually just a piece of fruit).

It's not like a ham sandwich is super healthy and a pudding especially a fruit based one, or some Greek yoghurt, can't be.

FedupofbeingtoldIcantusemyname · 25/06/2016 22:34

The ham sandwich was just an example from another day, that wasn't his dinner pug. The pudding wasn't healthy either, it was chocolate based!

OP posts:
JenniferYellowHat1980 · 25/06/2016 22:35

You're setting yourself up for resentment here, why are you so invested in what your DSS eats/doesn't eat? Choose your battles.

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FedupofbeingtoldIcantusemyname · 25/06/2016 22:38

I'm not especially Jennifer but it's just that in this case I felt that DP was in the right. As I said, food is a bit of an ongoing issue for them. I have no say either way really but Dss seems to have very few rules at his house and no consequences for not doing as he is told as this seems to be an extension of that.

OP posts:
zzzzz · 25/06/2016 22:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 25/06/2016 22:40

Maybe his dinner just wasn't very nice... would you force yourself to eat something you didn't like or didn't fancy today, and deny yourself a slice of toast later if you hadn't eaten the dinner you didn't like or didn't fancy?

Agree that using desired food as a bribe to coerce children into eating their way through unwanted food first is properly perverse and twisted - even though a lot of our parents thought it was the right thing to do in the 70s!

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