Re sleep and moaning.

(11 Posts)
ImSoVeryTired Sat 25-Jun-16 08:45:09

So my boy (4 mths) slept 8-10 last night then refused to settle and woke every sodding time I put him down, from 10 till 1, at which point I got in bed and he slept on me. He woke frequently to comfort himself with boob or scream because he needed to fart. I am a light sleeper, every wriggle wakes me but I go back off fairly quickly.
DP had said he would come get him in the morning and for me to ring him when baby woke. I managed to eek this out till 8 to give him a lay in as he's been working all week.
I sleep in babies room atm and he sleeps downstairs on the sofa. In the same room as 2 dogs. His choice, there is perfectly good king bed next door. I still can't work out why he does it! I don't think he sleeps v well either.
He came upstairs to take baby at 8. Asked ' did he sleep well' and I proceeded to tell him, at which point he sighed and hung his head. I asked what was up and he said ' I feel guilty, I can't do anything' (or something along those lines). So I said 'you don't need to do anything, I just need to get it off my chest, just listen'. I'm honest not asking him to do night wakings and he knows that, makes more sense for me to. I then went on to explain I'd taken baby Into bed with me at 1 and I got another big sigh and eye roll as he was talking to baby. I asked again what was up and he said I was always moaning! So I said sorry. So am I being unfair in wanting to vent in the morning after a rubbish night or is he unfair in expecting me to suck it up and not say anything. If he is right, how do I go about doing this without sounding like I'm sulking. I just don't think he realises how demoralising it is and this is my only way of letting off steam.
Oh and I'm aware baby could sleep even less. It varies from night to night but it always takes ages to settle him back down. Thanks for reading.

whatsthatnow Sat 25-Jun-16 09:02:41

If I get asked 'did baby sleep well?' The answer is short. 'Not brilliant' or 'a couple of good stretches yes'
Wait until you've had your morning cuppa to discuss at length. Mine and my husbands mornings used to very tense until we stopped talking to each other before his fag and both of us have had caffeine

StrawberryQuik Sat 25-Jun-16 09:16:08

Solidarity cake and brew as I have a similar age baby and similar amounts of sleep.

DH have our best chats in bed before we go to sleep, as I'm the snappy grumpy one in the mornings. I guess try to identify what time you are both relaxed and say can I just have a moan about such and such...

For what it's worth DH sleeps in the bed with me and he changes nappies in the night and does any walking the baby around the room that is needed as breastfeeding really wears me out at night. I know he goes to work too but looking after a baby in the day is work as well.

ImSoVeryTired Sat 25-Jun-16 09:41:44

Thanks for your replies. It seems I am probably moaning too much in the morning then. I will try to keep my big mouth shut till later. smile

tappitytaptap Sat 25-Jun-16 10:00:43

Mine sleeps reasonably well (touch wood!) at 3 months and I have a lovely supportive DH...however...I think he thinks I spend all day going for coffee, lunch and baby groups. If I moan about sometimes wanting a little alone time and how his life hasn't changed as much as mine (i.e. I am 'mum' 24/7 whilst on mat leave, especially as breastfeeding at the moment, and he gets to be himself at work all day, going on a stag weekend etc) he doesn't always quite get it. Says he needs to moan too - which I get, but actually this is a HUGE lifestyle change for me - and him too, but whilst I am off, DS is my job and responsibility whilst he is at work! So yes OP, totally get it! I would recommend talking to other mums and female relatives, makes me feel very normal for feeling like this. Do you have anyone you can talk to?

ImSoVeryTired Sat 25-Jun-16 11:57:43

Thanks for your reply Tappity. I'm a bit introverted and struggle to get out and meet new people. Last time I tried it my lovely boy cried the whole time. It was lovely to meet someone new, with a little one but stressful.
I only really have my mum down here and a couple of friends from work (who are currently studying and taking exams, so not seen them for ages).
I keep thinking about going to the local baby story/poetry thing at the library but the times clash with his bottle feeds (he's mixed fed) and I'm reluctant to throw that out as he's so much happier, if I can keep him to a routine, feed wise.
I'm very grateful to my oh. He is very good with his little boy and very hands on. He does get very stressed when baby gets into that real sobbing cry though, which then stresses me out. More that the baby crying in the first place! He's a worrier though and I doubt he'll ever change. Yesterday my little baby had an hour nap in the afternoon, which is unusual as he usually only has 1/2 hour at a time. OH was convinced this meant he was ill, rather than the fact that he had slept badly and was shattered! Lol. It wasn't till baby woke up properly and cooed at him, that he believed me!

noimaginationatall Sat 25-Jun-16 12:05:40

Take baby along to the story group at the library and feed him there. Nobody minds at these things and o felt it really helped just having a reason to get out the house and talk to others plus my lb slept like a log after these things from all the stimulation!

FATEdestiny Sat 25-Jun-16 12:12:34

Consciously and deliberately deciding not to track night feeds was one of the most liberating factors that I did.

Stop counting how many wake ups. Remove the clock altogether so that you don't know the times in the night.

Just judge your nights using words like bad night, terrible night, good night, ok night, better than last night - these kinds of things.

To stop keeping track actually made me feel so much better!

"How many times did baby wake up".
"No idea but I'm tired" is all you need.

tappitytaptap Sat 25-Jun-16 12:52:05

What a great idea FATE! I will admit to a slight obsession with feeding/waking up times but only because I like to know roughly how long I have got to the next feed!
OP, just take baby and feed there. I go to a baby class and people are always whipping out bottles and boobs, no problem at all. Easier for me to say that as am a total extrovert and am out and about every single day otherwise I get bored!

iluffsryanreynolds Sat 25-Jun-16 13:39:41

Going against the grain here, but I think your dh is unreasonable. Fuck me, if you're doing all the night waking (and it sounds like your ds isn't a great sleeper) then the least your dh can do is listen to a bit of moaning in the morning!
Christ, he's getting a full nights sleep and he's annoyed because he has to hear about the bad night you had doing the important business of keeping his son alive!! He needs to catch himself on and give you a bit of sympathy. A hug and a cup of tea in the morning wouldn't go amiss either!

ImSoVeryTired Sat 25-Jun-16 18:47:54

Thanks everyone. I don't mind feeding in public it just hadn't occurred to me to do it out. Although I'm kinda introverted I'm not all that shy. I doubt he'd bf there as I imagine he would be easily distracted but could always take stuff for bottle.
Thanks pp who says my OH is being a bit selfish (sorry, on the mobile and can't flick back to check your name), that was my initial reaction but I was so tired, I wasn't sure if that were the case. As it turns out, it looks like most people agree with him.
I did get a chance to have a nap but couldn't get back to sleep. Even with the pillow over my head I could hear him singing to the baby downstairs. He doesn't realise how loud he is and I def wasn't going to say anything about it!grin
I don't think he sleeps that well downstairs, as the dogs wake him in the night. He also leaves the TV on all night and wakes in the night to eat chocolate. I can't understand why he doesn't go back to bed! He says its so he can sleep with the TV on but I wonder if he's worried that we will wake him during the night.
I'm more than happy to do the nights, it makes sense. I just wanted to have a bit of a moan in the morning and then get on with the day.
I have tried not looking at the time (only have it on my phone) but that didn't work so well for me. I will try to do the concise appraisal of the night though. Can do that even if I know when he woke and for how long. Thank you.

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