to be fed up of thinking about/talking about/worrying about money?

(15 Posts)
metimeisforwimps Tue 21-Jun-16 23:50:52

I may be being unreasonable, but with DH, money is a constant issue. Complaining we don't have enough, he doesn't get paid enough, we need to save more etc etc. I find it really tiring and just don't want to have to think about it all the time.
We are not well off. DH works hard and in a not that well paid job, I do bits and bobs but am looking for something more permanant now the kids are older. We can't afford to buy a house, our furniture is all second hand, as is most of our clothing BUT...
We rent a nice house, nothing snazzy but comfortable and spacious. We always have everything we need, and we go abroad at least once a year. Yes it would be nice to save more, but I can't see where we can cut any more corners (the going abroad is to visit family so don't want to stop that). There are people in the world with far less than us, we are priviledged (just realised I can't spell that word). I feel like money is being made into a big issue when it really doesn't need to be, aibu?

BarbaraofSeville Wed 22-Jun-16 07:43:37

Bumping for you.

Have you looked at the moneysavingexpert budget planner? Until you do a proper budget, including provision for all expenses including those which are irregular or unpredictable like car repairs, vet bills, christmas, holidays, etc you can't really tell whether you are genuinely short of money, or if you spend a lot on things that are unnecessary. Also sign up to their newsletter for lots of ways to save money and get freebies - for example you can currently get £35 in M&S vouchers free for signing up to their credit card - make sure you pay off any spends every month to avoid getting into debt though.

Another thing you can do is make sure you shop around for everything possible - utilities, insurances etc and that you use discount codes, quidco etc where possible - there's almost always a 2 for 1 voucher for days out. It's possible to save quite a lot this way compared with just buying as and when and it just becomes second nature after a while.

Where do you do your grocery shopping? Again you can save loads either by mainly going to Aldi or Lidl, or if you use a big supermarket, buy as much as possible of non perishables when on offer. It is simply not necessary to pay full price for things like baked beans, tinned tomatoes, toilet roll, tea bags, coffee,cleaning and laundry products, toiletries, and a whole load of other things - there's always a special offer somewhere. Also make sure you waste as little as possible - freeze leftovers or use for lunches. Make soup with any bits of veg etc leftover and serve with nice bread or cheese on toast for a cheap meal.

You say you do bits and bobs and are looking for more work. If you use some of your spare time to concentrate on saving money, shopping around and getting deals, you can save hundreds a month, so well worth doing and possibly more lucrative than working unless you get a well paid job. I know you say you don't want to think about it all the time, but the reality is that for most of us, we can really benefit from focussing on always getting the best deal rather than just blindly spending money.

Good luck!

metimeisforwimps Wed 22-Jun-16 09:07:22

Thanks for the bump, we've spent years with very little money and so, as the person who manages the money I've become an expert in all the things U mentioned. for example we do main shop in also and then pop into supermarkets for yellow label food. I budget carefully and don't waste money. I also feel that me and the kids don't have luxuries that others might see as normal, which is fine but the constant tide of negativity makes me feel that none of that is appreciated!

NotMyMoney Wed 22-Jun-16 09:16:55

I do a monthly meal plan and do my food shop every fortnight, we know how much every bill and have a spread sheet on the PC and we don't spend monthly on clothes but put money to one side for when any of us need clothes. I also have a tin (cheap soup make holes to drain then one big enough for £2 coins on the top) and pop £1+ in it when I have spear money in my purse.

I have family abroad that we visit every year that's non negotiable because we all love it but they have a large house with to for us all to stay. If you have to pay for a hotel could you and DH buy a airbed over there and DC top and tail or camp on the floor if your family have DC? We've had to do this a few times but we get along even when grumpy when they visited us and we had a two up two down!

metimeisforwimps Wed 22-Jun-16 09:19:04

Aldi not also

NotMyMoney Wed 22-Jun-16 09:20:07

Just seen the update do try a monthly meal plan inc easy cooks and doubled up meals and freezing half.

metimeisforwimps Wed 22-Jun-16 09:22:51

Thanks we stay with family abroad so only expense in the journey and a food contribution. No money is wasted in our household (well very little anyway), the point is, if we are doing everything we can why do we have to be miserable about it? We also don't have any debts, so no stress there.

NotMyMoney Wed 22-Jun-16 09:29:21

Where in the uk are you? If you're down south have you looked at moving further up north? I know it is easier said than done, I did it years ago but I had no family ties local. Are you 100% sure you are claiming all the benefits you are entitled too? I'm dyslexic so take a while to type

whois Wed 22-Jun-16 09:36:56

I don't think the OP is actually saying she wants to cut more corners, I think she is saying that they DO have enough money as a family for a nice life but DH constantly goes on about not having enough?

NickyEds Wed 22-Jun-16 09:41:29

Tbh op it sounds like you're doing a lot of money saving and he's doing a lot of complaining. If you're on top of your finances and have a comfortable lifestyle then the impotus for change would need to come from him surely. He can't just leave all of the meal planning, shopping and budgeting to you then complain about how it's done! I'd sit down with your budget with him and discuss where he would like to cut back in order to make any savings he wants. Whining to you about his salary won't increase it ( unless you employ him smile), does he have any suggestions as to how he can earn more?

BarbaraofSeville Wed 22-Jun-16 09:56:10

I did wonder if I was preaching to the converted when I posted earlier. Your DH needs to either identify a way to either increase household income, obviously ensuring increased childcare costs are taken into account and that childcare and housework continues to be fairly divided if you end up working more or reset his expectations in line with his means.

Is it buying a house that he wants most? Sometimes that is unaffordable to almost everyone, depending on where you live and obviously you would then be liable for repairs and upkeep, that are currently the responsibility of your landlord. It doesn't sound like you can afford all this at present.

metimeisforwimps Wed 22-Jun-16 11:04:25

whois, yes that's what I'm saying, thanks to the posters who gave frugal tips but I do feel we're doing all we can on that front.
notmymoney we are already up north and it's for that reason we can afford to rent somewhere quite nice. That's another bone of contention as DH would like to move somewhere much cheaper, but we actually rent a large house with a large garden for not that much, and I feel that makes such a difference to our quality of life that I'm reluctant to give it up. DH sees it as a barrier to saving though.
DH is looking for a better job, but not having much luck. My earning capacity is more than his, so I am trying to get a full time job and pass some of the childcare onto him. This would help.
I suppose I'm just wanting a moan really, sorry, I feel that we are quite fortunate on the whole, and don't see the point in all the worrying and negativity. We are doing all we can and trying to make changes for the better, so can't we just keep smiling?!
And yes, as the one who carefully manages the money and scours charity shops for nice clothes and get a bit fed up with being moaned at!
DH really feels that without a house of our own we have no security. That's part of the way he's been raised.

DJBaggieSmalls Wed 22-Jun-16 11:10:32

I get what you're saying. Constant moaning doesnt change a situation and gets very earing.
I like to look at the positives and the things we are doing right.

metimeisforwimps Wed 22-Jun-16 11:48:37

Yes, me too. I just feel like DH will look back at this time as a 'difficult time', but I don't want to see it like that. This time we have with our young family is precious and I want to remember the lovely times we had, not how much time we spent worrying about money.

mimishimmi Thu 23-Jun-16 02:28:19

There have been so many times in history where having your own property doesn't mean someone can't take it all away from you.....

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