Was I unreasonable not to send my father a happy Father's Day message?

(9 Posts)
coralpig Tue 21-Jun-16 09:23:57

Very complicated history. I've posted about my father before. He cheated on my mum and committed bigamy. Didn't pay child support for years and years. Is a compulsive liar. Would constantly forget my birthday growing up then lie about presents being sent to me in the post that would never turn up. Wouldn't see me for months and months at a time (sometimes years) as he lives abroad. Wouldn't call for months. Treated his second wife like shit and was a terrible father to his disabled son. I am now very close to my stepmum and stepbrother. They are divorced too. He would often call on his birthday angry that I hadn't wished him and bullied me into apologising. If I was sensible I would have cut all ties but I couldn't bring myself to do it and would always call when he was sick.

I can't stand him but can't bring myself to confront him. Respect for parents was beat into me as a child and i can't shake it (cultural thing I guess). He has now posted an angry Facebook status saying that nobody wished him a happy Father's Day and that he feels suspended as a father. Cue floods of sympathetic comments.

I'm so upset and raging. I guess a message to him on Father's Day wouldn't have cost me anything as I have tried to be civil over the years but I consider my stepdad to be my father not him as he has been my real dad over the years (in my life since I was 6 and giving me away at my wedding).

Was I unreasonable? a confrontation with my father would be terrible for my mental
Health- I have anxiety and depression. Can I fix this?

EatShitDerek Tue 21-Jun-16 09:26:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

catsrus Tue 21-Jun-16 09:27:49

Detach. Respect is something you earn, he does not deserve your respect or your time. Block him from Facebook and spend time with the people you love. He does not control you anymore.

KC225 Tue 21-Jun-16 09:30:40

Agree with cat above. Detach, he has had no problem doing that to you and others. Read your own post several times and BLOCK him on Facebook

whois Tue 21-Jun-16 09:30:54

He has now posted an angry Facebook status saying that nobody wished him a happy Father's Day and that he feels suspended as a father.

I would have replied "thought you suspended being a father then you commited bigamy, walked out on your children and didn't pay a penny in child support. Hardly father of the year are you?"

hollyisalovelyname Tue 21-Jun-16 09:36:07

Ah, diddums.
He's upset. The poor lamb.
NOT.
Don't waste your time on this waste of space.

VioletVaccine Tue 21-Jun-16 10:00:54

YADNBU, Op.

I didn't either, because he's a time served tosser and doesn't even deserve acknowledgement, let alone gifts and praise. I don't feel guilty at all.

I'm sorry you've had it drilled into you that you're somehow responsible for his upset, which is nothing more than indulgent self-pity.

He's always looked after his own needs, so should continue to do so. It's neither your problem, or your responsibility- to make him feel like a good father.

flowers and a hug for you OP.
I don't care now, but I really used to, and know how hard it is to break the mould and stand up for yourself with your father, however crap he has been.

thetemptationofchocolate Tue 21-Jun-16 11:31:06

Next year send him this
annsantos08.files.wordpress.com/2013/12/mjaxmi1jogzlyju0otgxodvhzdqx.png

hollyisalovelyname Tue 21-Jun-16 12:10:57

Great card Temptationof chocolate.
Luckily I havd no need to send one like that.
Again OP don't give him space in your head. he doesn't deseeve it.

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