WIBU to cancel Christening?(81 Posts)
Hi Everyone, this is my first post and I would really appreciate your opinions.
I have been organising my baby's christening for the last few months. I have got a beautiful church with a very welcoming congregation to do the service and I have booked a big hall with a bar for the party afterwards. I was also hoping to book catering, entertainment ect. for the day. Basically I just wanted to make it a really enjoyable day for everyone as well as it being my LO's special day.
I got some really lovely invitations printed (they are really beautiful IMO) which included a date a for RSVPing and a card to send back with an envelope addressed to me. Now unfortunately the RSVP date has come and gone. I sent out 70 invitations (which totalled about 130 people) to various friends and both sides of the family. Out of 70 invitations I have got back 12. I feel so sad about this and I am wondering if I should cancel the hall and just have a small church service, with just our parents and grandparents ect?
I am quite disappointed really, I was really hoping a few people would want to come and celebrate with us. Especially disappointed that not even the god parents have replied as well as a number of close friends and family. I hand delivered most of them, so I know they all arrived.
Should I cancel the hall and all the things I have planned and just say to the few who did reply "thank you so much but its been cancelled due to lack of interest" (or words to that effect).
It doesn't seem worth spending lots of money on a hall, bar, catering, cake and entertainment for like 30 people? I don't mind spending the money if there's a good crowd but now I think I would rather just put that money into her savings account.
What do you think? Feeling a bit sad, but thats life.
Thank you for reading xx
People seem to be very lazy at RSVPs these days. Contact them by phone or text if you can and just jog their memories.
I agree, just ring them. People are useless!
30 people is quite a lot for a christening ad surely you spoke to the godparents personallybefore sending the invitation?
How can the godparents not have replied? Surely you can't really be a godparents if you aren't going to the christening? I think the fact you've had so few suggests that at least some people didn't realise they had to rsvp or have rsvped verbally but not with the card. Perhaps I'm clutching at straws but I think there must be some confusion here.
I think its worth ringing round a few people before cancelling anything - I can't believe that so many of your guests would be so rude as to not reply! However, I can believe that a lot of people might not come - 130 is a hell of a lot for a christening! Quite a few of these people must be not be that close surely? So prepare yourself for a few nos.
It's horrible when people are too rude to reply. I presume you have already discussed the christening with the godparents beforehand, so I think its odd that they haven't replied.
Both OH and my families tend to do christenings on a small scale - generally family and godparents then a bite to eat back at the house. It sounds like what you have planned needs to be scaled back.
We didn't even bother with printed/written invitations, just a verbal invitation.
Having read a number of christening threads on MN I think a lot of people just don't want to attend them for one reason or another.
I wonder why you are doing the Christening.. The Christening should be about welcoming the child into the chiurch
If it is about a party just have a party.
I agree with other posters.. People don't get round to replying to RSVP.. so you need to ring round..
I'm in the useless camp, I always forget to RSVP, in fact your post has just promoted me to text my friend who's DD's christening is in July (date marked on calendar, lovely invitation on fridge as reminder) to apologise and ask if it's too late to RSVP yes.
Don't take it personally,chase people. Just say you need to know numbers for catering
Also not sure what you mean by "got a church" - aren't you just using your local church?
And do godparents usually RSVP? If they've agreed to be godparents surely their attendance is a foregone conclusion
It's rude not to have replied, but my gut reaction to any christening invite is a bit meh. It's not really a big deal for a lot of people, but obviously it is for you as the parents.
Definitely don't cancel. You will need to ring and text to get the replies. I'm sure most of them will make it.
I don't think many people RSVP using snail mail these days. I reckon if you did a Facebook invite you would get a better idea of numbers
I have been a godparent several times and I have never rsvp'd 😳 Maybe that's rude on my part but when I said yes to being one I assumed that was the rsvp. It's worth checking before you cancel things
Isn't a christening about welcoming the child into the church? So it shouldn't matter how many are there? Unless this is just a smokescreen for a piss up...
People are a bit rubbish about RSVPing, and maybe they just didn't realise (not sure I've ever had to RSVP a christening before - not that I'm saying you shouldn't have asked as you need to know for your numbers, but I'm just wondering if people just haven't realised?). Did the Godparents already agree to be Godparents? Because, again, maybe they're just assuming you know they're coming if they've already agreed. In short, I'd do some chasing up before you cancel.
Yes, people should RSVP and promptly, and in the way the inviter has indicated they want (so yes, use the damn cards).
But as so many haven't, I think you'll need to ring round to find out numbers.
Just contact them surely. And yes to PP - you can't actually have the christening if God Parents aren't there...
I absolutely did speak to the god parents (my stepbrother as godfather and friend from uni as godmother-she has replied). And they were all really happy. I sent them invitations with everyone else, but haven't heard back.
I also agree that I planned it way too big. I think I just got carried away with it all. I wish I had kept it on a much smaller scale but I just got caught up in the excitement. Most of them are close and I tried to priorities people who visited/sent us cards, gifts ect. when the baby was born. I feel quite stupid now.
I am pretty organised (very organised) and I have kept an accurate record of those who have replied either by RSVP card or verbally and still adds up to about 30 people.
I could call round, but I think it is reasonable to assume that those who don't reply at all, don't want to/can't make it? I don't think I could have made it clearer, that I would need an RSVP. Text, verbally or using the card I included I didn't mind how they did it.
Thanks for all your replies x
No I really wouldn't assume that the ones who haven't replied are "no"s.
How many do you want to make it worthwhile?
I agree that people are lazy with regard to RSVPs etc., but that doesn't make it ok. However, its a bit odd that you sent the godparents an invitation as obviously they have to be there. I'd definitely ring them.
But I wouldn't ring anyone else unless they are really important to you and if you can, book a smaller hall. It will still be a lovely day. BTW I had naming day parties for both of mine and everyone came, and RSVP'd!
What do you mean you "found a beautiful church"? Surely it should be held at your church, as in the one you regularly attend and will be welcoming your DD into the congregation of?
It all sounds very glossy and showy - caterers, 'entertainment' - but also like you're missing the point of what a baptism is about. Were I on the receiving end of an invitation to such a shiny non-event that was clearly all about the party and not the baptism, I wouldn't RSVP or attend either. And I'm not religious, I just get annoyed by that bollocks.
So maybe that's it.
Yes, you have gone overboard and no-one else is expecting you to be doing all this organising. Your baby, so you are free to do whatever type of party you like, but everyone else doesn't need to step up their game just for your DC. Being uber-organised is fine, judging everyone else for falling short of that is not.
Christenings in my family are very low key ('Can you make X date? So-and-so said she'd bring a quiche' etc, etc).
I had a party a few weeks back for a significant birthday. Sent 70 invites with email RSVP. Approx 7 emailed! A good few told me to my face they were coming so knew there would be at least 30 or so and the people I cared most about being there would be there. On the night 66 turned up!! Seems people just don't RSVP anymore. I think it's really rude but guess others don't?
Leaving aside the fact that this is clearly not about your child entering the church......
If you want a big party then chase up the invitees and dont cut your nose off to spite your face by cancelling just to make a point. If you are expecting lots of "Oh dont cancel! We will definitely be there!" then that wont happen either.
If you want to scale it back then do so, but bear in mind that that means uninviting loads of people who may otherwise just turn up despite having not RSVP'd. Personally I think you need to ring round, and then have a talk to yourself about why you are really doing this. If you are not christians then you need to cancel the christening and have a naming ceremony at the party venue instead.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.