A challenge - I feel I'm definitely being reasonable! AIBU?

(23 Posts)
EdithBouvierBeale Mon 20-Jun-16 13:24:50

ExDH and I split a few years ago. A long drawn out court case has recently settled. Ex Dh is keeping the family home. He works off-shore so isn't around. My two DDs and I have moved into a two bed apartment. Nice but not massive. We have a cat and three fish. The girls' hamster died a few weeks ago. They were a bit sad but was forgotten about very quickly. I asked ExDH not to replace the hamster since there isn't much space in our new place. I chucked the cage since the hamster died in a tunnel and I couldn't bear to deal with it.
The girls were dropped home yesterday with TWO new hamster cages, each containing a hamster. I don't want the girls to be disappointed so I've said they can keep them. I am furious. He says I'm being a 'moody cow'.

blackbunny Mon 20-Jun-16 13:39:10

Tell him in no uncertain terms this was emotional manipulation and to respect your feelings more where it concerns the girls
He is a right twunt btw

MrsHathaway Mon 20-Jun-16 13:42:19

Fucking arsehole.

1. It isn't him looking after the animals.
2. You explicitly told him not to replace the dead hamster.

"He works off-shore so isn't around."

FUCKING ARSEHOLE.

Good riddance, by the way!

Cravingdairy Mon 20-Jun-16 13:43:50

YADNBU!

WhatchaMaCalllit Mon 20-Jun-16 13:48:29

YANBU.

Tell your girls that they can keep the hamsters in your Ex-H place as there is plenty of space there. They are not to be kept in your place as you don't want them and expressly said that the previous hamster wasn't to be replaced.

I guarantee that your Ex-H will do something about having to clean up after two hamsters himself and the smell that they produce will not be wanted in his house because they won't be kept in your place.

Alternatively, get an equally ridiculous pet that your girls can keep at his place.

44PumpLane Mon 20-Jun-16 13:51:21

I would also suggest the girls keep the hamsters at his home and he will have to arrange someone to come and feed/clean/water them several times a week- may make him realise you mean business.

Or rehome them- see if school would be interested, the girls still get to see them but they aren't in your home.

Pinkheart5915 Mon 20-Jun-16 13:52:48

you are not a moody cow and are not unreasonable to be annoyed after telling him not to buy one, but you've done the right thing allowing DD's to keep them.

I think the problem here is he works off shore I understand if that's his job that's his job but he can't just buy pets and expect you to care for them. If you had 50/50 custody or he had the children a few nights a week when he was looking after the pets it would be different but even then you would have an actual talk about it first.

Nabootique Mon 20-Jun-16 13:53:23

YANBU. He is a dick. Cheers to your divorce!

WellDoYaPunk Mon 20-Jun-16 13:54:12

Ex did this to me, brought home ten tons of crap inc his old childhood stuff to play with. I just bagged it up each time & dropped at his the following week.
Now we have a rule - you buy them stuff - you keep it at yours!!

RaeSkywalker Mon 20-Jun-16 13:54:47

YANBU!

Sparklesilverglitter Mon 20-Jun-16 13:58:08

You are not a moody cow! Be glad you are divorced 🍾🍾🎉🎉

The problem is he went out and brought it after you told him not to due to lack of space now you don't live in the family home, Them having a hamster wouldn't of been a problem if he was around to blooming well look after it.

I'm glad you've let them keep the hamster. I love hamsters they were my favourite pet as a little girl

Shallishanti Mon 20-Jun-16 13:59:03

YANBU
nobody should give a child an animal unless they are personally prepared to take responsibility for that animal's welfare, as the child themselves cannot ultimately take responsibility
(obviously we expect and hope a child will care properly for an animal, but if they dont, it's down to the adult)
I'm sure you will find something to that effect on RSPCA ws
This doesn't help much though as he has dumped you in it.

KittensandKnitting Mon 20-Jun-16 14:00:51

YANBU

you do however have to keep the hamsters...

Be very glad you have got rid of this man, he has done this just to piss you off.

Scarydinosaurs Mon 20-Jun-16 14:03:14

HIBU.

Prick.

ArcheryAnnie Mon 20-Jun-16 14:20:45

YANBU. The rule with pets is that the person who bought them, gets to take responsibility for them.

(And congratulations on getting away from this douchenozzle! wine)

JessieMcJessie Mon 20-Jun-16 14:21:55

Am I the only one struggling to understand what

I chucked the cage since the hamster died in a tunnel and I couldn't bear to deal with it means?

You put the cage containing tunnel containing dead hamster in a skip or something?

ArcheryAnnie Mon 20-Jun-16 14:22:31

Oh, and if you want an excuse that will fly with the girls about how the hamsters have to be kept at daddy's place - well, you have a cat. The old hamster and cat may have got along, but nobody would want the new hamsters and the cat to be stressed out by the proximity, would they?

ImperialBlether Mon 20-Jun-16 14:31:30

I'm really shocked that you and the girls had to move out and have to live somewhere smaller while he, who isn't even there most of the time, gets to keep the house!

EdithBouvierBeale Mon 20-Jun-16 14:35:43

JessieMcJessie, Yes, I got rid of the hamster and the cage, with the hamster still inside. It died inside a tunnel. I tried to shake it into a shoe-box, but it didn't move. In the end I left it since I didn't want to touch a dead animal.
Had I considered getting a replacement hamster, I may have kept the cage. ExDH knew all of this.

EdithBouvierBeale Mon 20-Jun-16 14:37:24

ImperialBlether I took a lower settlement so I could be free. It dragged on for years. I wanted to have some money to put into property, and didn't want all my money being spent on legal fees.

LifeInJeneral Mon 20-Jun-16 14:42:53

Yell him you will keep the hamsters and look after them if he gives you the house so you have space for them grin

RB68 Mon 20-Jun-16 14:56:47

Tell him you want maintenance for them

WhatchaMaCalllit Mon 20-Jun-16 15:43:44

Jessie - I think the tunnel is a bit of equipment inside the hamster cage that the hamster crawls through on their way to a different bit of play/entertainment equipment, also inside the cage.

Though I could be wrong on that

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