Friend is not speaking to me because I didn't come to her child's birthday

(87 Posts)
SmellyTelly Mon 20-Jun-16 12:53:02

Her child turned two I said I will go but in the end just didn't want to. I told her I was hung over.
I didn't want to go because I don't have children, I avoid kids parties unless they are my family even then I don't want to go plus I wouldn't know anyone who was going to be there.

I told her I will meet her within the week but I didn't because I have been going through a lot and have two court cases coming up.
She doesn't know any of this nor will I tell her our friendship isn't like that.

Was I wrong here?
I have known her for 10 plus years but we aren't close if that makes sense. I am childless

IceRoadDucker Mon 20-Jun-16 12:55:17

Yes, you were wrong. It's really rude to say you're going then cancel because you don't feel like it. It looked very much like drinking yourself to a hangover was more important to you than your friend and her child.

IMO you should apologise and take round a nice gift for the child.

NapQueen Mon 20-Jun-16 12:55:19

Yanbu for not wanting to go a child's birthday party. Especially as you are childless yourself (kids parties are for kids right?)

Yab spectacularly unreasonable to say yes into he first instance then to pull out then to lie and say you had a hangover.

Spectacularly.

In fact, you OP is so wrong I assume you are the 2yo parent and this is a reverse.

witsender Mon 20-Jun-16 12:57:19

Got to be a reverse surely?! Yanbu to not want to go. I barely tolerate my own kids' parties but still!

SmellyTelly Mon 20-Jun-16 12:57:33

No not reverse I did post the thread on here saying I didn't want to go can't find it though

PotteringAlong Mon 20-Jun-16 12:59:00

YwNBU to not want to go. You were spectacularly unreasonable to say yes and then back out with the completely crap excuse of being hung over. You didn't want to go? Say no at the time. Don't say yes and then not bother.

treaclesoda Mon 20-Jun-16 12:59:37

Reading your title I was going to say that of course you don't have to go to a child's birthday party and that your friend sounds difficult.

But when you said that you had told her you would go and then told her you couldn't because you were hung over, I'm not surprised that she is pissed off with you. If you didn't want to go you should have declined in the first place.

PPie10 Mon 20-Jun-16 12:59:43

You were very very rude to have done that. No manners.

NapQueen Mon 20-Jun-16 12:59:43

You should have just said no in the first place.

Can I ask why you didn't want to go? It would have been polite to pop in, give a gift, stay for a Brew and some cake and then go.

SmellyTelly Mon 20-Jun-16 12:59:46

I did say sorry but she ignored me! On the day I texted her because she didn't answer saying will you be upset if I didn't come, she said no its okay
I think she is more mad that I didn't contact her in the week when I said I would to drop her child's present but I just had so much on

MoonfaceAndSilky Mon 20-Jun-16 13:00:14

Couldn't you have come up with something better than 'I'm hungover'?

I agree it must be a reverse no-one is that selfish

Alisvolatpropiis Mon 20-Jun-16 13:00:54

There is such a thing as being too honest and you probably crossed that line when you told her that you couldn't be arsed to attend because you were hungover.

CharminglyGawky Mon 20-Jun-16 13:01:29

Yeah, very rude. A 2yr olds party would have been over in a couple of hours, it would be a very important day for your friend and to cry off with a fake hang over is very shabby.

Ok so you have a stressful situation coming up, that I have sympathy with, but how on earth is your friend supposed to factor something in if she doesn't know about it? As far as she is concerned going out on the piss is more important to you than she (and her child) is. I'd be pissed too.

MadamDeathstare Mon 20-Jun-16 13:01:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

blueturtle6 Mon 20-Jun-16 13:01:39

Yabu to say you'd go and not turn up. But yanbu to decline an invite to 2yo party.

AdrenalineFudge Mon 20-Jun-16 13:01:57

I'm also thinking reverse.

But yanbu to not want to go - I wouldn't want to either but the way you conducted yourself was wrong. But that's irrelevant isn't it because this is a reverse.

SmellyTelly Mon 20-Jun-16 13:02:55

Nap I just don't like kids parties and what put me off is the day before she said "loads of people are coming so you don't need to come early and help" I asked her how many people and she said over 30 attending
This put me off I'm not good with crowds especially people I don't even know.

When I first said yes I thought it would just be like 10 people or something.

Busybuzzybumblebee Mon 20-Jun-16 13:04:56

Why on earth didn't you say you couldn't make it when you got the invite? You must have known when you received it you had no intention of going. Bloody rude of you

Arfarfanarf Mon 20-Jun-16 13:05:33

Yes, you were wrong to bail.

You said you would go. Then basically you said nah, can't be bothered, I went out and had a skin full last night, I'm blowing this off.

You don't see the big deal because you see a child's party. They are boring, you are an adult without children of your own, that's not your lifestyle right now and you don't really want to spend a couple of hours watching a bunch of kids run round.

She's hurt because her child is important to her and generally it is expected (and it is reasonable!) that friends care about the things that are important to you and are willing to put themselves out now and again to celebrate things that matter to you even it they aren't that important to them! It's what friends do. They aren't just there for the things that they find fun. They are there for those things that matter to you.

If you have a lot going on but you aren't willing to tell her that, then you can't throw it in as a reason you aren't bothering with her and are not sticking to arrangements as though it's something she should accept. She can only go on the information she has, which is how you are acting with her.

Are you actually friends? Or just people who have known each other for ten years and hang out now and again?

IceRoadDucker Mon 20-Jun-16 13:06:16

Oh, this is one of those threads.

OP: AIBU?

Everyone: Yes.

OP: No I'm not because drip feed/twisting of original information.

Repeat for 20 pages.

LordoftheTits Mon 20-Jun-16 13:08:02

YANBU to not want to go. I don't have kids, I don't like kids parties and I'm also terrible with crowds of people - worse if I don't know them.

However, you were unforgivably rude to say you would go and then lie to get out of it at the last minute.

SmellyTelly Mon 20-Jun-16 13:08:38

Busy I just answered that

Sonders Mon 20-Jun-16 13:10:04

YANBU to not want to go but your fake excuse is so much worse than your real one. It's like your saying you knew you had the event which no doubt meant a lot to your friend, but you didn't care and would rather get trollied.

What's wrong with "sorry, I thought I could make it but something's come up?"?

HermioneJeanGranger Mon 20-Jun-16 13:10:48

Why did you agree to go in the first place?

SmellyTelly Mon 20-Jun-16 13:11:29

Arf I didn't see it like that.
We are friends but not close friends. We use to be close but she had a baby and her life obviously changed, I'm still on the party scene but she never goes out due to her child so yeah we are friends but I don't tell her my problems like you would a friend but we meet up and go out sometimes if that makes sense

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now