Is this mother being unreasonable or am I

(22 Posts)
Liiinoo Mon 20-Jun-16 09:42:19

www.thetimes.co.uk/article/my-jet-setting-mother-scrounges-from-me-68c5b8gq3?shareToken=769f74897ef131d9ec2537ead99d8285

I am shocked at this article. The writers mum owns a 6 bed mansion in Chelsea, wears designer jewellery and accessories but is borrowing relatively small sums from her daughter and teenage son to enjoy luxuries the DC cannot afford. Is this true? Is it normal? Why are the children enabling her?

I am not saying adult DCs shouldn't help out older parents financially. One of the minor perks of getting older is being able to treat my mum and mother-in-law to things they can't afford on their fixed incomes. It is a pleasure to do it. But we are at a life stage where we can afford that. When we were the writers age and struggling to get on the property ladder/save for a family etc our parents would have been mortified to take our money - I cannot imagine them ever asking. And this mum isn't taking the money to buy food (the poor dear, having to subsist on Waitrose essentials) but to fund treats.

AIBU to be outraged at this woman?

WellErrr Mon 20-Jun-16 09:43:35

YABU. It's up to them.

blueskywithclouds Mon 20-Jun-16 09:47:20

They have the power to say no!

PPie10 Mon 20-Jun-16 09:49:00

Yabu and a bit ridiculous to be outraged at a situation that doesn't have anything to do with you. These are all adults you're talking about. Why are you so worked up about it?

TheNaze73 Mon 20-Jun-16 09:58:31

YABU. Get a grip, it has nothing to do with you

JudyCoolibar Mon 20-Jun-16 10:21:56

I think the daughter is insane to give in to her mother's demands: if she rocked up at her mother's house with the £500 which her mother put into the Louis Vuitton handbag, I don't understand why she didn't just suggest her mother sold the bag.

It is stupid to say this is nothing to do with OP if the writer has chosen to publish the information in an online national newspaper.

WorraLiberty Mon 20-Jun-16 10:24:34

As I stand in my shabby kitchen, spooning lentils out into a dish — another boring, cheap dinner — I wonder if my mum is having a nice time in Australia. On the holiday that I had funded.

Urggh! I found it difficult to read past that whiney, martyr-ish opening statement.

You can't lie down in front of a door and then complain that people wipe their feet on you.

Nyx Mon 20-Jun-16 10:47:05

What Worra said, every word.

OurBlanche Mon 20-Jun-16 10:48:00

I was shock and confused at the David Willetts quote - he seems to be saying that boomers/pensioners are both too rich and too poor. Still, I suppose he, like the other journos involved have to make a living.

You see, Rachel Kendrake, I don't believe you had people whose names needed to be changed. You just made it all up so that all the poor Gen Y / Millenials could have another whinge and blame their parents, again.

andsmile Mon 20-Jun-16 11:05:51

If I saw and heard that women I'd say in my head 'there goes one of lifes cunts' simples. Pity the children, hope they open their eyes, what an awful position to be put in by their parent. - exceptions for pulling to gether to meet basic needs.

EssentialHummus Mon 20-Jun-16 11:15:40

Honestly? I read it this morning and assumed the DD was doing it so that when Mummy croaked she'd get Chelsea townhouse. Otherwise anyone in their right mind would say sorry mum, I can't do it.

Arfarfanarf Mon 20-Jun-16 11:17:00

If she chooses not to say no, she doesn't have the right to moan about it, imo.

Obviously there is a reason she keeps doing it.

TheUnsullied Mon 20-Jun-16 11:29:18

The DM in the article does appear to have a brass neck but the DD/author is quite the fool. I ask myself 4 things before agreeing to lend money...

Do they actually need it?
Can I really afford it?
Am I likely to get it back in a reasonable amount of time?
Are they taking the piss?

MariaSklodowska Mon 20-Jun-16 11:33:15

meh who cares ....when the old dear buys the farm then her dd will inherit.

MerryMarigold Mon 20-Jun-16 11:39:41

Yeah something about the tone of that article didn't sit well with me.

You can't lie down in front of a door and then complain that people wipe their feet on you.

grin Absolutely.

Liiinoo Mon 20-Jun-16 11:39:48

the 'old dear' is only 62 - the writer may have a long wait!

SpringerS Mon 20-Jun-16 12:13:08

I don't know. I remember when I was a teenager and some of my dad's youngest siblings had reached adulthood and loved to organise big treats for their mother/my grandmother. They'd decide that everyone in the (very big) family could chip in 50/100 quid and buy my gran a new suite of furniture/have her house wallpapered/get a new garden wall built/etc. The thing was my parents didn't have any spare cash as my dad was suffering from a serious illness that wasn't yet diagnosed and was missing a lot of work because of it. When my parents needed new furniture they bought unfashionable second-hand sofas, cheap curtains on sale and taught themselves to re-upholster them. Then 6 months later an aunt would decide my grandmother's 4 year old suite wasn't fashionable enough and everyone would have to chip in for something my parents would never, ever dream of spending on themselves.

I know it caused my parents massive hardship but they'd chip in along with everyone else and then be upset for ages about it. I don't know quite why they never said, 'no, sorry, we just can't afford that.' I think it was because usually so many of his siblings had already paid and they were too embarrassed to point out that they couldn't really afford it.

Notinmybackyard Mon 20-Jun-16 12:13:49

The article doesn't sound believable to me at all. Most people I know are still looking out for their children living back home after university. I'm downsizing to help my children with a deposit to buy a house. Something I've planned to do for years and I want to reduce my bills. Having to wait until I'm 66 for my pension isn't much fun after paying full contributions for 44 years & I still have to pay NI until then.

RandyMagnum Mon 20-Jun-16 12:27:34

when the old dear buys the farm then her dd will inherit.

Not necessarily, they could chose to give it to someone else, they could release equity from it and rent it instead, or it could be all taken up by care home fee's.

EssentialHummus Mon 20-Jun-16 12:29:22

when the old dear buys the farm then her dd will inherit.

From the (biased) description in the article, the mum sounds like the sort of person who'd bequeath the townhouse to the RSPCA or summat.

contrary13 Mon 20-Jun-16 12:34:21

It cuts both ways, though. I'm on a fixed income, but my DD has just come back - to a home she pays £25 a week to live in, all inclusive (not including the frequent lifts to/from places which she gets) - from 9 days in LA. She was sending me photos throughout and, as much as I want her to travel/explore the world... I couldn't help but think to myself "because you live here at a token rent whilst you're in Uni... I can't afford to take your little brother on holiday anywhere for the 5th year in a row".

So perhaps... just perhaps... there was a similar situation going on which wasn't expanded upon, or indeed, even mentioned?

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER Mon 20-Jun-16 13:32:39

I saw this earlier, and all I could think was, what a mug the daughter is for giving in to her mother like that. Not to mention what a selfish, entitled baggage the mother is.

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