To dislike the term 'love bombing'?

(30 Posts)
Only1scoop Mon 20-Jun-16 08:43:36

Grrrrrr

I read it on here....

Makes me feel twitchy and cross for some reason.

It just sounds so contrived, twee and 'of the moment'

Grim

Msqueen33 Mon 20-Jun-16 08:45:14

I dislike with a passion. I like the idea but I'm sure previously it was known as quality time rather than an actual phrase like.

Only1scoop Mon 20-Jun-16 08:51:04

Quite

'Quality time' perfect

Glad it's not just me. Thought I was getting old and crotchety.

thisisafakename Mon 20-Jun-16 08:54:17

Yeah , it sounds annoying and insincere. It makes my skin crawl. Quality time sounds great and a completely accurate description of what it is. Love bombing sorta sounds a bit like harassment.

TheNaze73 Mon 20-Jun-16 08:58:09

I like the term when used appropriately.

MrsJayy Mon 20-Jun-16 09:01:13

It is twee and a buzz phrase and the slightly creepy Duggers Love Bomb its not really about spending quality time with children we can all do that

CaoNiMao Mon 20-Jun-16 09:01:45

Quality time isn't much better, IME. It implies that the rest of the time is shitty.

MrsJayy Mon 20-Jun-16 09:02:59

Saying that love bombing children in short bursts is supposed to work.

Morasssassafras Mon 20-Jun-16 09:03:02

Interesting. I assume Only1 that you are thinking of it in the context of love bombing your child? For that I have no opinion.

I've only heard it used before in the context of love bombing in relationships/by narcissists and then yabu.

TheWordOfBagheera Mon 20-Jun-16 09:04:52

I agree that the term sounds cringey (and is possibly becoming overused) but thought that it was a different concept to quality time?

Quality time being (in my understanding) something normal and everyday that children should expect from their parents. Love bombing being more of a very intense one-on-one child-led period designed to meet the emotional needs of a struggling child.

Only1scoop Mon 20-Jun-16 09:10:33

The 'love bombing' you read about in relation to spending quality fun time with your DC ....family, friends etc...

I believe <after a swift google> that 'love bombing' would be a method used to entice those starved of love and affection into 70's cults, stateside shock

Birdsgottafly Mon 20-Jun-16 09:13:06

""Yeah , it sounds annoying and insincere""

It was meant to.

I've just had to look the 'modern' meaning of it up. I'd only heard of it, in its original form, used to demonstrate how Cult Religious groups, start the 'brain washing' process.

It's perfect, for that use. It is also used by abusive partners, during the cycles of abuse.

I do also think it has its place, when used in interactions with children, from a psychological POV.

It shouldn't be used to mean interactions between equal adults. If you have to agree to 'love bomb' then there's something going majorly wrong, between you and it should be kept between you.

Birdsgottafly Mon 20-Jun-16 09:18:24

""Saying that love bombing children in short bursts is supposed to work.""

It's a useful concept, to follow when the Carer (parent)/child relationship isn't going well, or there's been a major crisis eg parental death, house fire, or during the tough teen years.

It's concept is corporates within other parenting concepts. Which are needed by some parents, for a variety of reasons.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Mon 20-Jun-16 09:20:36

It works really well ime.

MrsJayy Mon 20-Jun-16 09:23:16

Yes I can see how Love Bombing children would work in times of crisis or tension but not in the cult way that is just creepy all that smiling <shudder>

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Mon 20-Jun-16 09:23:56

I've only heard it describe letting a child take control of a day and letting them choose what they'd like to do.

It works particular well with children who need to claw back a bit of control ime.

Laiste Mon 20-Jun-16 09:28:37

I thought i knew what the phrase meant (even though the concept is nothing new) but now i think i don't confused

We're having a complicated problem with DD4 (2) and her sleeping at the mo and i've been giving extra cuddles, going in more often when she wakes and bringing her into bed with us at night. All things i would normally avoid doing. In my mind it's ''love bombing'' her back to enjoying sleep time. (It's working - slowly) I thought that was the kind of thing it meant.

The phrase doesn't bother me. Certainly better than the 'memory making' crap i've just read about on the FB thread grin

Ineedmorelemonpledge Mon 20-Jun-16 09:29:22

I've experience the wrong end of it from my narc sociopath exH.

It's a very manipulative way to influence someone's feelings if there's no honesty involved.

But I guess if there's a specific situation for positive change with genuine feelings e.g. the emotional wellbeing of a child then I would understand why people would think it's worthwhile.

But there must be some kind of comedown to these sorts of strategies. Which adds an element of risk I guess.

EdmundCleverClogs Mon 20-Jun-16 09:34:22

Oh it's the new twee buzzword isn't it? Like 'baby wearing', 'baby lead weaning, 'gentle parenting' and all that nonsense. People who use them usually follow with the phrase 'oh have you read this book by MiddleClass McHippy/ AiryFairy MumboJumbo? Totally changed my life' hmm.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Mon 20-Jun-16 09:37:52

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2012/sep/22/oliver-james-love-bombing-children

This is my understanding of the term.

SpringerS Mon 20-Jun-16 09:51:25

Love bombing and quality time are different things. Quality time is time spent with your children, actively parenting. Doing projects and activities together or just talking while actively listening. It's something that all parents should do sometimes in the normal course of parenting. Love bombing is all about fixing something that's gone wrong.

For example, I have some cousins who were adopted after spending their early years in very neglectful circumstances, and upon adoption, they needed love bombing. They needed to be able to release their fears and pent up emotions, they needed to be taught that it was ok to be who they were and that their new parents would love them unconditionally. They needed to know that if their emotions burst out in a tantrum, that they were still safe and loved and always would be. They needed that level of constant love and what might look to an outsider as rewards for bad behaviour, in order to break down the damage and build up a secure attachment.

And while obviously that's an extreme example, on occasion all children need it. Maybe a toddler recovering from an illness over does it and has a meltdown. Maybe a child that's just started nursery/school and their emotions are all over the place. Maybe a child who's parents have separated or who has a new sibling relationship to deal with. They have something in their life that is confusing and makes bad feeling surface and they need extra love and attention far beyond some normal quality time.

That said, love-'bombing' is a weird term but it is clearly very distinct from quality time.

Whathaveilost Mon 20-Jun-16 09:56:26

It's a word I haven't heard of for a few years.
I thought that as a buzz word it had gone out of fashion and had been replaced with something else.

So it's still around then?

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Mon 20-Jun-16 10:03:40

No, it's not a new phrase or concept.

badtime Mon 20-Jun-16 10:10:06

Yeah, I only know 'love bombing' as a manipulation technique used by cults and abusive partners (including, but not limited to, those with NPD).

I am surprised to learn that it is now a manipulation technique used by caring parents, as if the 'bombing' part didn't imply something destructive. confused

drspouse Mon 20-Jun-16 10:51:28

As applied in the way Oliver James suggests, even the concept could be very unsettling for a child with uncertainty in their history. They often need know that the adult is in charge and can be trusted to make good choices for them, not that they (the child) have to or get to make all the choices.
It's another buzzword but I prefer "connection" which is more about seeing what the child needs e.g. suggesting a one to one activity day with things the child has never thought of e.g. taking my 4 yo skating and for a new yummy lunch rather than letting him suggest park and beans on toast (which he will get to choose on another occasion, though usually as one of two options).
And I also hate the term.

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