AIBU to think this is batshit?

[angryinlaws]

I have NC in case this post outs me.

A few weeks ago MIL phoned DH to say they were going to be in the area and could they stay over the last weekend of July.

DH said of course, we'd love to have you...only he had forgotten we're actually away that weekend. DH only realised the clash when he mentioned inviting his parents to me yesterday.

So he rang his DM to let her know - and all hell has broken loose. MIL broke down in tears and FIL gave DH a dressing down about bad manners and that he had badly let them down.

DH does have form for being disorganised which I know can be annoying but AIBU to think this is a complete overreaction?

[KoalaDownUnder]

YANBU. Complete overreaction!

[HumpMeBogart]

Do they normally over-react to arrangements changing?

Sounds like something else is going on with them - are they under a lot of stress? Is one of them ill?

[EdmundCleverClogs]

Total over reaction. Yes, it's bad your husband forgot his dates, but it happens! Is not like he did it on purpose, these things happen. He did not need a dressing down from his father, as a grown man.

[scaryteacher]

Why can't they stay at the house even if you are away? Would that solve the problem?

[ThroughThickAndThin01]

If it's abnormal behaviour maybe they are under some sort of stress.

[nellynoodles]

Is the issue that they cannot spend time with your family or that they cannot use your home?

[angryinlaws]

Thanks for the replies.

Yes, this always happens if an arrangement is changed. MIL takes it personally and gets upset because she interprets it as meaning her feelings are considered unimportant.

They don't live far enough away to need to stay over (although they are more than welcome to if they decide it's easier to in the end) but the issue is that they wanted to come and spend time with us that weekend.

[scaryteacher]

They are not really 'just in the area' then, that's just the pretext? Dh's mother has form here. She would 'just pop round with some fruit for the children' to my dbil. He worked from home, so didn't want the interruption. The kids (the last time she did this) were both 16+, and he and his wife could afford fruit and didn't skimp on the food bills.

[MrsSpecter]

He let his father give him a dressing down? why?

[angryinlaws]

There's a well known tourist attraction near us (think museum/art gallery) which they have bought tickets for that weekend. I don't know if they had already bought them before DH agreed to them coming over.

[angryinlaws]

To be fair to DH, he didn't rise to the bait and stayed civil and adult during the conversation but yes, it is very annoying when FIL talks to DH as though he's a naughty toddler

[DoreenLethal]

Can you not all look at them like

[pictish]

Complete overreaction. Yanbu.

[SapphireStrange]

Your DH can choose not to be given a dressing down, by asking calmly for his dad to stop and, if he doesn't, hanging up/walking out.

They're behaving ludicrously. Do they just like drama?

If it happens again I'd give a breezy laugh and say 'Give over, MIL' and change the subject.

[NoahVale]

she is over sensitive, and over dramatic.
jeeze.your poor dh.

[ComeOnKenneth]

Their reaction does sound OTT. Did you suggest another date/ rearranging at the same time as the meltdown? I assume if they live close enough not to need to stay then the tickets can still be used in a day trip for them - so I'm not sure what's driving the drama. You can surely see them another time, and they can still attend their event.

Is it bat shittery or exacerbated by stress they are under, in your opinion?

[angryinlaws]

To be honest I was starting to think I was BU under the emotional guilt tripping laid on but glad to say MN has yanked me out of that one!

[angryinlaws]

We have arranged another time but MIL is upset because it was going to be a special weekend with all her favourite things planned

[angryinlaws]

As far as I know they're not under any particular stress, at least not more so than any other time. MIL is a notorious worrier and suffers from anxiety. She has been suffering from empty nest syndrome since DH left for uni 20 years ago

[nellynoodles]

Your MIL sounds like a fucking nightmare tbh OP

[Birdsgottafly]

So your DH knows that his Mother has anxiety, but still can't be bothered to take enough notice of what she's saying, so he isn't letting her down?

That is quite hurtful, no-one likes to be thought of as an after thought, especially someone's Mother.

I can remember trying to think of things that my Mum could still do for me, so she still felt useful.

If someone posts on here that they have anxiety and are feeling not wanted, they get sympathy, if it's the MIL, they are told to ignore her.

Your DH is out of order and should acknowledge that and apologise.

[angryinlaws]

birds of course DH apologised. He was/is very sorry. But he didn't do it on purpose and there's not much more he can do.

[ComeOnKenneth]

I can understand (slightly) the feeling of anxiety when plans suddenly change. However, as PPs have said, this shouldn't trigger a telling off for your family - that's just not on! These things happen, a lot, and it's not yours or your DH's responsibility to bear the brunt of her overreaction, even if it is anxiety related. I have anxiety and am well aware it is my response and therefore my responsibility to manage my feelings, instead of taking them out on someone else. Has she got any help (therapy, meds) for it, do you know? If not, is there any way your DH or fil could suggest this? It sounds pretty damaging to all concerned, if this is how she deals with it.

[angryinlaws]

ASFAIK mil hasn't had official diagnosis of anxiety and isn't on meds or in therapy. I used anxiety loosely ie, she is a constant worrier but I could have worded it better and apologise if it came across insensitively.